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| *sigh* |
| 03.31.05 (1:43 pm) [edit] |
|
*siiiiiigh* *siiiiiigh* *siiiiiigh* *siiiiiigh* *siiiiiigh* *siiiiiigh* *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* |
| 6 Comments |
| Negative attitudes |
| 03.31.05 (12:48 pm) [edit] |
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Ugh, only I am allowed to have 'em!! Just chatting with the guy who's always so down about his life. Not only does everything suck, but he's given up on mating. I mean why bother trying after 27 years of failed relationships? :roll: People who don't look for the light at the end of the tunnel just make my blood boil. I really have to bite my tongue from lashing out at them. I know I can be pessimistic sometimes, but I think a negative attitude can be such a hindrance to success. So I made an emergency trip to my usual body piercing place to get the screwy part of my barbell replaced. It was cheaper than I recalled, so that was great!!!! The whole parking the car and buying the thing and going back took only 10 minutes, but my whole trip took an hour and a half!!! Traffic was brutal with the construction and accidents. |
| 4 Comments |
| The evening |
| 03.30.05 (10:52 pm) [edit] |
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I did not write back to him. I filed away his email like all the others. Tonight at dance class, we had to do a little routine. I was sooo nervous. I got a bit of feedback, including "good hair movement." :lol: I felt like I had heartburn afterwards from my nerves and the exhiliration of finishing a dance. I saw the G man after my dance class. He texted me asking if he could see me tonight. Technology is a beautiful thing. We did not get each others' text messages today. According to him, he didn't get mine, and he also sent me one in the afternoon, which I did not get. So yeah...I hope we continue to see each other while the whole fresh feeling of newness is still within me (and I don't mean this literally). Maybe his conscience will affect him. After I got home, G Man called me, which I thought was most curious. Turns out the P Man called him, so the G Man asked me if I talked to the P Man from the time I left his place to the time I got home. Just weird coincidences. And *sigh* not only do I have to leave work early for a dentist appointment (Yech! I hate going to the dentist!) but I have to make an emergency trip downtown because I lost part of the jewellery for my navel piercing :x This is the 2nd or 3rd one I've lost, and it's not cheap to replace!! :x I hate my navel piercing. It's crooked and it's just poorly positioned. And do you ever want to blog about something but were too afraid to? There is something I want to say, but for the good of any readers, I shouldn't say anything. I am also good at being cryptic, but I hate my own cryptic posts because when I read back, I have no clue to what I was talking about. Or I could just say it. I definitely need to record it because I like to remember first impressions. I doubt I'd forget. Okay, everyone...just stop reading now. When I went over to the G Man's, it was kind of strange. I hadn't been there since January, and I definitely had never seen his room. He left the door unlocked, so I could let myself in, and he was bundled under his covers [naked] when I got there. He was actually sleeping at 7 since he's leaving for work around 3 in the morning. I was just hoping I didn't stink since I was just in dance class. I didn't really know what to say to him. We just kind of chit chatted on his bed. I was as far away from him as possible. I did notice him moving closer to me. I wasn't extremely comfortable because of my fear of being stinky, but seeing him was pretty comfortable considering the time apart we've had and that most of our communication has been either text messaging, email, and a rare phone call. Anyway, I guess I was there for about an hour. In that time period, I also found out that he is a biter and is a little rough. *swoon* |
| 3 Comments |
| When things go awry |
| 03.30.05 (3:40 pm) [edit] |
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Sometimes I think about people in my past that I should probably avoid, but on occasion I get a reminder of the good times. It's so easy to think back to the "well, he wasn't *that* bad" when nothing better is looking in the present. I've overcome every urge to open up the door to let him back into my life. Aside from the thank you email I sent him after the Red Cross donation he made in my name after the tsunami disaster, I've had no contact with him in almost a year. He was still sending me emails every month -- give or take a couple of weeks. I just got another one. I just thought it was really sweet. It was short. It said: [i]So I was flipping around the tv last nite and stopped on the US remake of that "The Office" show, and one of the guys looked very familiar..Then I realized, it was your favorite guy Arthur from SFU! Hah.. You probably already know about the show but I thought I'd give you a heads up.[/i] We used to watch that show (Six Feet Under) together. And I always gushed over Arthur. I'm touched he remembers *sniff* *sigh* He was so mentally stimulating. I wonder how he's doing with his new job and new place. |
| 1 Comments |
| Everything's going down |
| 03.30.05 (9:50 am) [edit] |
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tblog's speed, MSN, and my mood. They're not all related. From time to time, I like to see who's kept me on their MSN list. Mr. 9" has removed me :D but so has G Man :x I don't get him at all. [Adds me back to his MSN, list, says really nice things to me, then poof!] ]And you know what that means...Rosie is doubly interested!! I need a spark back. I have been feeling uninspired for a very long time. I'm not sure if there is anything that drives me right now. Even the thought of men kind of bores me. Gah, I can't wait for dance class tonight. A couple of hours staying busy will do me very good. Too bad no running for me today. It's a gorgeous day!! Tomorrow I'm definitely going to the gym to get in some weights. I seriously need to start scheduling my workouts and sticking to them!! I want to run, weight train, and do my dancing!! And do all those things without muscle fatigue interfering with each other. |
| 7 Comments |
| Best friends are great |
| 03.30.05 (8:07 am) [edit] |
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Except that she didn't stop me from buying a new belt last night :x :wink: T and I met up at the mall and we checked out some of the clothes she was eyeing which required a second opinion. Then we went for Japanese food and went back to my place to do some trip planning. Man, am I ever excited about going abroad. Our trip will be about 2 weeks, and we'll spend most of our time around London. We are going to try and squeeze in a couple of days in France, too. We just whittled down a list of places we'd like to see and things we want to do. I wonder when a good time to purchase our tickts would be. It's always such a gamble to get the lowest price possible!! Aside from that, I showed her my new stuff from Hong Kong, and she changed the lightbulb for me in my closet. Now I don't need to try changing my lightbulb in 5.5" platform shoes!! I wonder what possessed me to buy a dozen 40 watt bulbs. I need more wattage all around. It was good to see her again. Our friendship's changed but not changed ever since she moved to the boonies and then got married. We're still close, but our lifestyles are so different!! Over dinner she was telling me about this guy that works with her husband. He's apparently smoking hot, and the wheels in her head are turning about me and him :lol: She definitely wants me to forget about the G Man. *sigh* I just want a fling! FLING!! I mean c'mon. It's SPRING!! Spring-fling spring-fling spring-fling! The sugar is starting to kick in, and I am freezing cold in the office. And our receptionist is looking exceptionally trashy today. |
| 0 Comments |
| Googling |
| 03.29.05 (9:59 am) [edit] |
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If you're looking for pictures, why don't you just use the Google Image search? People looking for "penis photo"s are not going to find it at some blog. Curiosity will get people everywhere. Or here. So, if you're looking for pics...do it smartly. Google Image Search. Thank you. |
| 3 Comments |
| BWAHAHAA |
| 03.29.05 (8:04 am) [edit] |
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I'm not sure how often I've used that laugh in my blog postings, but I type it often. Turns Googling "I hate SharePoint" brings up my blog. I'm glad there are others out there who share my sentiment. Last night I went out for dinner with some family. It's supposed to be a good restaurant, but I did not like most of what we ordered. If the food wasn't tasteless or overly salty, it was poorly presented...Who wants to eat limp vegetables? And there was so much garlic on the Alaskan King crab legs that you couldn't see them. You know what a bowl of rice looks like?? Think of each grain as minced garlic. Now think of what my breath might smell like! Yeah, you know you want to. My hair could use a wash. I'll endeavour to do it today. I know I am not supposed to get excited, but G Man sent me a text message last night. I missed it at the time, which is even better. I guess a good way to keep me interested is to play hard to get and screw me around. A friend from out east is apparently coming over here...for what reason and when and how long...I have no idea, but I must find out!!! |
| 0 Comments |
| It's gotten downright HOT! |
| 03.28.05 (1:12 pm) [edit] |
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It was pouring this morning. I need new wiper blades. Then the sun came out. So when I went to buy some groceries, I decided to drop them off at home instead of leaving them in the car. Maybe I can even go running outside later instead of going to the gym. I found my membership card. I'm not sure how it got there, but I found it in a package of maxipads. I saw the palm reader. I didn't even recognise her. Oops. :oops: She talked about my parents a lot. I was hoping for more juicy stuff. Things she touched on: -I am feeling a lot of pressure. [I really want bacon right now. And crap! It's raining again! My umbrella has been put back into the car. This wasn't part of the reading. I am just saying...] -I love to travel. -I've just matured. -I am independent. -Money isn't everything to me. -I'm good at my job. -I'm good with communications. -I'm multi-faceted. -I'm ready for a new challenge as I've done a lot of learning. -I'd find motherhood easy, and my child will be independent when I have him/her in my early 30s. -My travels will help me find my mate. -It looks like I just missed a romantic possibility. -My relationships have been disappointing. -I'll likely not end up with someone from my culture. -I should stick to younger men or older men who are young at heart. Men my age are no good for me. She seemed to like younger men for me. The last time I saw her, she told me I'd meet my mate around 27 or 28, and he'd be from abroad. I think my missed opportunity was Wayne, but who knows? I just want to get along with things. I am feeling stagnant. I want a new hobby! i still want to do the photography thing!! |
| 0 Comments |
| Mishmash |
| 03.28.05 (9:34 am) [edit] |
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My bruises are coming along nicely! They're on my outer left thigh, inner right thigh, inside right arm, and my ribs are sore. One thing I am not liking are the calluses on my hand. I guess I got too much rest this weekend. This morning (well, middle of the night), I woke up really hungry and took me a long time to fall back asleep. I was tempted to get up really early, but since it was still dark, I worried that I'd be tired later in the day. The Psychic Circle is back in town. I am going to see the palm reader. I saw her a couple of years ago, and I'd like to see what she says this time. It's too soon to see the tarot card reader again. I hate sleeping on those foam mattresses. They also give me sore backs. The only good thing about them is that you don't feel the person next to you move much. |
| 2 Comments |
| The G saga |
| 03.27.05 (5:02 pm) [edit] |
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I should be embarrassed to post this, but hey, I'm supposed to write as if no one else reads this. So last night, I didn't go anywhere. I didn't even go out to the strip club after I gave up on the G Man. Dance practice tuckered me out, and I didn't really want to go to the club alone even though I knew people I knew would be there. So I watched a lot of Brady Bunch, and I read. I am glad I got a lot of rest this weekend. So...I'm not sure what happened with the G Man and his woman. This morning he had sent me an email apologising and told me that he and his gf probably wouldn't be talking for much longer. That makes me feel...indifferent? I don't feel guilty. I'm not ecstatic. Well, maybe I feel a little gleeful, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I was wondering how serious things were for the two of them because of the way he talked to me. Maybe he talks to all girls like that *shrugs* but if he wasn't interested in me, why would he be talking to me if he has a gf? It's not like he and I are old friends; he barely knows me. He told his gf that he had a thing for me. If I were her, I would appreciate his honesty and probably tell him to hang out with me, and then dump him. I think if he really cared about her, he would respect her wishes and not hang out with me. However, I think there is always a fine line with these kind of things. I look at my parents when I think about these things. My dad refused to end a "friendship" with another woman, and my mom never got over that. And I think his marriage should have been important enough for him to do it. On the other hand, if it hadn't been a sexual "friendship," then of course, my mom should have been more open-minded. So, where was I going with this? I don't mind if my boyfriends have female friends. But I would mind if they started making new female friends. I don't think guys make friends with girls unless they're attracted to them. But then again, I hope I'd trust my boyfriends. Was G Man's gf insecure? Didn't trust him? Jealous of someone she did not know? I don't know. I don't think they've sorted it all out yet. Time to do some practising on the pole now. And here's my Easter tip for you -- Green Giant carrots in butter sauce are disgusting, unless you like salty, goopy sauce. |
| 4 Comments |
| My body is tired |
| 03.26.05 (7:00 pm) [edit] |
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I'm freshly bruised, too!! I love 'em...the bruises, that is. They remind me of the work I've been doing on the pole. I have a long ways to go on the stuff I am trying to accomplish! And so close, yet so far away. I'm waiting for the G Man. This morning he text messaged me about tonight, so we agreed on 8. About an hour ago, he asked if it'd be okay if he was a little late. Reason being, he's having an argument with his girlfriend because he told her he was hanging out with me. I am giving him 'til 9 to give me an update. Else, I am hoping Jules is still up for heading out. She had wanted me to cancel on him, at first :lol: One thing I have re-learned is to keep your mouth shut if you're a woman telling a hetero guy that you want sex. Evidently, they think you want to have sex with *them*. Of course, you do want sex from him, then it's okay to tell him. And the Weezer concert was sold out. I think there must have been an Internet pre-sale that I missed :( I did not even think to check the Weezer Web site. I guess some things were just not meant to be! :cry: |
| 2 Comments |
| Why, oh why |
| 03.25.05 (2:33 pm) [edit] |
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I'm a dumbass...I really am. I let myself do things that I don't really want to do and tell myself that I won't do again. At least I got some bacon out of it. I feel really bad about myself right now, but I will get over it. All I can do is tell myself I won't do it again. Of course I won't do it again. What was I thinking?! BLEH! There are just some things that friends shouldn't do with friends. I know nothing will change, but I just wish it hadn't happened. |
| 1 Comments |
| An unexpected poem |
| 03.24.05 (1:42 pm) [edit] |
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I was merely giving an update to my friend, and this is what I told him. He called it a poem. :shock: So here goes: milk chocoate egg! I am sucking on it now! Then I bit it, and now it's all gone |
| 2 Comments |
| Please explain |
| 03.24.05 (11:18 am) [edit] |
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Is it just me? Is it because all men are the same way? Is there some sign above my head that I don't ever see? I'll call the guy I went out with two nights ago Granola Boy. We had a good time...no sparks...and we'd not likely get beyond friendship. Anyway, I received a very nice email from him this morning, saying he had a good time. The email explained that we were in different places in life right now (which was obvious and discussed on our date) and the email was full of compliments. Somewhere in there, he suggested I let him know if I was ever into having some "fun." :? Of course on the date, I asked myself if I'd ever want to get naked with him. I wasn't sure because I think he needed a shower. He could have used a breath mint, too. I held my breath every time he started talking. So...back to what I started off saying...is there something about me, or is it the people I'm meeting, or is it just something that's part of the male race? Over the last few weeks, I've gone out with 3 guys: Guy #1: Mr. Chinese. Suggested we get it on our first date while we were in a coffee shop. Guy #2: Mr. Penis Photo. Practically forced himself on on our second date. Well, actually, he did, but thankfully, he left when I told him to. Guy #3: Granola Boy. This is a pattern to me. If it's something I'm doing, I'd like to be aware of it, so I can adjust myself. |
| 6 Comments |
| Sleep |
| 03.24.05 (9:08 am) [edit] |
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When I get a lot of sleep, I wake up with really good skin, but a sore back! My back is killing me today. I'm not even sure if it's from sleeping or standing around in 5" platforms for 2 hours. One thing I cannot do is sit around in platform shoes; otherwise, my feet start to fall asleep and then they hurt. And last night, I could barely keep my eyes open while I was doing the dishes at midnight. There were just so many (from just one day) that I did not want to keep them piled in the sink. I've also set the VCR for the American version of The Office. I wonder what it will be like. American versions of any British shows tend to flop. Remember Cracker? Couplings? Both bombed. I think his name is Rainn Wilson? He played my favourite character in Six Feet Under, he's going to be in The Office. He plays Gareth (the blonde guy with the buggy eyes...was that his name?), whom I hated. I don't know if the character names are the same. And G Man got back to me. I'll have to get back to him at some point. And my best friend's mom...I feel so guilty! She just had major surgery and has been out of the hospital for a couple of days now, and I've not enquired about her health. Well, aside from me being busy after work every day, I wouldn't want to bother her rest. Anyway, I'm going to pay her a visit on Saturday, and I will be sure to bring a nice bouquet. I am also supposed to pick up some chocolate covered strawberris on Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately, I am afraid they will melt because I am due for a dance class late afternoon. Maybe I will bring a little cooler. It just wouldn't be practical to go pick them up, go home, and go back out to my class. |
| 3 Comments |
| Thrill of the chase and the unknown |
| 03.23.05 (10:32 pm) [edit] |
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I have a love-hate relationship with those two things. I do like to chase, but I hate not knowing what to expect. So against my better judgement (I blame my fatigue and hunger), I sent the G Man (good grief, I forgot how to spell his name, so ... I didn't use it) an email. I asked him if he wanted to get together this weekend. And I tried to get across as nicely as possible that if he didn't ever want to get together to let me know, so there will not be further contact. Because seriously, I hate being dicked around. If you want something, go for it. But if you're wondering about all the what if's, you're limiting yourself and where does that get you? I decided to take a chance with sending the email because I am tired of wondering. Whatever happens, I know I can deal and move forward or move on. Having people drop into my life and then disappear and then come back is really, really tough on me. And when people return into my life as if they never disappeared really hurts me, too. And speaking of hurting, I am going to be achy tomorrow. There was a lot of pole work tonight in class. And wearing platform shoes in class is a completely NEW experience. Holy loss of balance! I gotta work on that. The hair flip was extremely difficult. |
| 2 Comments |
| The Good Earth |
| 03.23.05 (2:06 pm) [edit] |
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By Pearl S. Buck I finally finished reading this book; I'm not sure how many months it took me. By the time I started reading it again, I had forgotten a lot about what happened. Anyway, I quite enjoyed the book. But I absolutely hated the ending. I was thinking, "what, that's it?!" This book is about the life of a man in China and his land. He starts off quite poor, but acquires wealth over the years. He has a family, including concubines. Then he gets old and dies. You get the point that his land is his life, but as he's laying on his death bed at the end, he founds out his sons are going to sell it when he croaks. The book ends with his sons smiling at each other. It made me think that they were EVIL! And unexpectedly. And that made it a cheap ending. There's not much major conflict in the book, so I don't know why the author would spring something like that at the very end. |
| 3 Comments |
| Salad crazy |
| 03.23.05 (11:34 am) [edit] |
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Ever since Mr. Penis Photo made me dinner, I've been having salad every day. I am loving it!!! I used to think salads took forever to make, but I don't know what I was thinking. I have my salad with Salad Sensations, and mmm...tomato basil flavoured almond slivers are deeelicious!!! Back to savouring my greens :D Oh yeah...is there a less messier way to transporting salad dressing, especially those balsamic vinaigrette types) to work? |
| 0 Comments |
| Maybe I will wait |
| 03.23.05 (10:04 am) [edit] |
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What's another year for the STC conference? I don't really have a grand USD sitting around for me right now...and I would much rather go to Vegas than Seattle :D So if I wait a year, I will be able to save up more money, and maybe the conference will feel more worthy. I might not get so much going two years in a row. But two times in 5 years might make things more worthwhile. However, if my boss tells me that yes...work can pay for me to go this year, then maybe I will reconsider going 8) Anyway, I have been requested to make a minor change to a document and then put it back into SharePoint. You know, every single person in the company has access to SharePoint. I don't understand why people are getting me to do their work, which cuts time into MY work. Okay, as for last night. I had a nice time. Two and a half hours went by without me even realising. The guy's mannerisms reminded me so much of my friend Tom. Maybe it's an east coast American thing. He was a very interesting guy to talk to (maybe older men are just more interesting...and can talk about more than their hobbies). I didn't really feel all that attracted to him. Maybe it was because of his profile...or his not clean-shaven face...or his aroma (was that patchouli?! :lol:). He's also more granola than I thought he'd be. Not that granola is bad. I didn't know he was vegetarian either. I think he'd make a good friend. He's very nice. He's also in at a point in his life where he is not really willing to put in too much effort for a relationship. Sometimes I wonder if I am. |
| 4 Comments |
| Yesterday |
| 03.23.05 (8:12 am) [edit] |
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It was a good day all-in-all (aside from me not doing much work...so many interruptions!). After work, I picked up some food and money from my mom. She had some gift certificates for me, and my aunt had some money to pass along to me. She's been selling my old stuffed animals for me. I also saw an ex-boyfriend yesterday, but he didn't see me. Good ol' Steven. He was my first real high school boyfriend, and we were together for a year, until I dumped him for someone else :shock: 8) :? I don't really remember much about that relationship. I hadn't seen him in about 10 years. I was just about to post about my date, but I was just reminded (good ol' Outlook) that I have meeting very soon. So that will have to wait -- not that there's much juiciness. |
| 0 Comments |
| SharePoint licks |
| 03.22.05 (12:20 pm) [edit] |
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It took me about an hour to upload 4 different files to 2 different categories. I hate how work has it set up where we have to fill in soooo many fields in order to upload something. I hate SharePoint, and I have never liked it. I wish we did not have to use it!! So my date is on for tonight :) I guess we are eating. Must remember to bring cash!! I wish the place had a Web site. I have no nickname for him...not yet? The P Man MSNed me today. It's amazing how selective his memory is :roll: couldn't remember making dates with me when we were dating, but he remembers me making a comment about him not having his shit together. Truth can hurt, I guess :? He was pleasant; it almost made me want to flirt with him. Too bad the sex with him was good. I could not resist about asking him if he'd have given me G Man's number if I asked. I did not ask for it (since I already have it). He said he'd give it to me because G Man is a nice guy. And then he informed me that he and I wouldn't be more than friends because they promised each other that they wouldn't date each others' exes, which they've done before, I guess. G Man told me he'd never been interested in P Man's girlfriends before. Something is fishy, and I'm definitely staying away (or least trying my best) from G Man. I don't want to get involved with games. I was going to send him an email to tell him to leave me alone and why (because I really hate having almost moved on to have a wound re-open), but I can't be bothered now. After his apology for missing my call, I haven't heard from him since. And my non-date sent me an email to say thanks for meeting up with him. How nice!! 8) |
| 3 Comments |
| Never again |
| 03.22.05 (8:24 am) [edit] |
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*L* Well, probably not. I should lay off pot. I am regretting Saturday night. I went for a run yesterday, and my chest hurt!! I feel really tired. I am already sensitive to alcohol, sugar, and caffeine. I should know better :lol: But I smoke pot about once a year, except for the last few months. It's a social thing. But I must think about my body. Only healthy stuff for me, thanks!! Now, time for a banana. Oh, but first...Last night I met up with Judson for our non-date. The hour felt like so much longer. I didn't have much to say to him. I call it a non-date because he already knew I had no interest in him than more than a friend. Actually, I can't see myself hanging out with him either. He was kind of boring to me. And then he asked me if I wanted to go for coffee again some time. :? |
| 2 Comments |
| Lick lick lick |
| 03.21.05 (12:34 pm) [edit] |
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All I want is some smooth, milky chocolate...like those mini LIndt eggs that I bought last week. Of course they're all at home. I figured I could be satisfied with the other chocolate I have here. Nope, Peanut M&Ms just aren't cutting it today. They're too crunchy!!! Next week, my favourite chocolate store has chocolate covered strawberries again. I will have to phone and place an order :) Mmm....thinking about them makes me hot already. I really enjoyed the salad I had for the first half of my lunch. It was just romaine salad with cucumber and tomato. I used some Kraft balsamic vinaigrette and added some Salad Sensations. So delicious! I have enough produce in my fridge for another salad. I guess more salad for me tomorrow!! And Weezer is coming to town. This is a concert I will not allow myself to miss. Come to think of it. I saw them for the first time at the same venue 10 years ago. I am not even that huge of a fan anymore. Their first two albums are still my favourites. |
| 2 Comments |
| Blueberry Almond Crunch |
| 03.21.05 (7:41 am) [edit] |
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It really licks. Cranberry Almond Crunch -- now that's where it's at. The blueberries in this cereal stick to your teeth, and they are too chewy!! I can't tell if I am still recovering from Saturday night or what. I think I am. I am tired today and on occasion, a little nauseated. And there is something in my nose that is making it very itchy :x |
| 4 Comments |
| Time for recovery |
| 03.20.05 (9:57 pm) [edit] |
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I don't think I am going to smoke weed for a very long time. The last of what I received for my birthday is gone. I smoked too much last night. My chest was burning! I slept in this morning 'til 11:30, but I was supposed to meet Kira, then. We went for brunch and checked out a shoe store. I bought a pair to use for dance class, but I think they are a little big. When I had some shoes on in my shorts, Kira said, "wow! You have really big calves!" :? But she meant that in a good way. She wants defined calves, and asked me if I did anything. But no, I don't work out my calves. I got some DVD sets today, too: The Brady Bunch Season 1 and The Critic. I hope I don't regret it. I did love those shows!! The G Man wanted to see me Friday night...What I do not understand is why he is contacting me when he has a girlfriend. That doesn't seem right to me, even if he wants to start up a friendship. I don't think guys usually want to be just friends with a girl. And then he said something about probably being able to control himself around me now? ?? *L* What?! I don't mind when my boyfriend has girlfriends, but I don't want him making new female friends on his own unless I'm part of the circle. I volunteered for a screening of the Korean movie [u] Dance with the Wind[/u] Saturday afternoon. I was able to watch it, but I slept through probably 1/4 of it. I was *that* tired. I saw [u]Sideways[/u] on Friday night, and I thought that was hilarious! I did not fall asleep watching that. ;) I hope I can fall asleep easily tonight. I want to get up early so I can get in some work and a workout before meeting up with Judson. I have not been sleeping well the past couple of nights. I keep waking up because of lack of sex. I've decided that Mr. Penis Photo didn't count. |
| 0 Comments |
| Here I go again |
| 03.18.05 (2:50 pm) [edit] |
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Well, I like to pick true items from my horoscope. This week it said: [b] A former passion brews, waits.[/b] I was thinking...yeeeeah, right. Today G Man sent me a text message. Not that he was exactly a passion but he was someone of interest from a month ago. I don't think anything will be brewing though. |
| 0 Comments |
| Protection |
| 03.18.05 (10:49 am) [edit] |
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Why aren't guys all that worried for themselves? A lot seem to think it's only for preventing a woman from getting pregnant. It's also for preventing contracting STDs for the woman *and* the man. Guys shouldn't be sticking their dicks wherever they feel like if they don't know the girl's sexual cleanliness. *shakes head* |
| 1 Comments |
| Songs I am currently liking |
| 03.18.05 (9:01 am) [edit] |
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There are some new songs getting a lot of air time on my favourite radio station. They include: Audioslave's [u]Be Yourself[/u] NIN's [u]Hand That Feeds[/u] Garbage's [u]Why do you Love me[/u] Beck's....I forget the name of the song, but they used it in The OC last week. |
| 1 Comments |
| I am not |
| 03.18.05 (8:26 am) [edit] |
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I am not an exotic dancer, nor am I a stripper. I've had people ask me because of my blog entries about my pole dancing classes. And last night, Mr. Penis Photo wouldn't believe me either. He figured with my pole in the middle of my living room and a pile of blankets on a chair had to mean *some*thing. But no...the pole is just for me to play and practise on, and the blankets are for using when watching TV. But I am thinking of using a different blanket for dance class. Maybe I will go back to one of those fleece throws (not the Winnie the Poo one). |
| 0 Comments |
| I am so |
| 03.17.05 (11:53 pm) [edit] |
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s-m-r-t!! Well, about half an hour, 45 minutes ago, I kicked out Mr. Penis Photo. I kind of knew what to expect from him considering how our conversations went. And considering I kicked him out, things weren't too awkward. Let me start from beginning. He came by on time with the stuff he was going to cook with. He also brought over champagne (not real champagne, mind you) and some beer. He knows I don't drink (or so I thought) since I've told him. First he washed some grapes and cut up some cheese and got a little vinaigrette going for the sour dough bread. We nibbled on that while he prepared dinner, which was salad, fettucine alfredo-ish with chicken. The dinner was superb. He kept wanting me to drink beer during that time. Conversation was great throughout, though. I like talking with him because he has interesting things to say. The whole night, I kept replaying one song while he was fixing dinner and then another CD for the rest. I am glad it took long to get through dinner because I didn't really know what to do after dinner. But after dinner, he wanted us to smoke a joint. My goodness, I'm not sure how many times I said no. I didn't really want to smoke his stuff since I didn't know where it came from, and I didn't want to smoke it on a work night. So I didn't smoke anything, and neither did he. Then he wanted to use my computer to download "stuff." I already told him I didn't want any porn. He didn't have to say that's what he was going to do because I just knew. So...the computer got turned off pretty quickly when I wasn't being very cooperative. I don't download much stuff so I don't have the latest versions of those P2P applications. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, and he said sure. Then he said he didn't want to watch one. So we ended up sitting on the couch. So...I don't really want to give all the details publicly of everything that went on, but he pretty much tried to push to do anything I said "no" or "stop" to and then beyond. I actually went a lot further than I had intended to. And okay, I have my period right now. It's just about to end, but I still have it!! If it wasn't that time of the month, I probably would have been open to doing more things. But I wasn't. And I had already told him on more than one occasion before tonight that there would be no sex. He tried anyway. And at one point, I just stopped everything that was going on, and told him, "okay, it's time for you to leave now." And he agreeably got dressed, grabbed a chocolate and his things and left. But as we were saying bye, we still chit chatted a bit. He said he had a good time. And he thinks I keep my body really clean (like free of alcohol and drugs). Then we kissed good bye. So, given that rejection, I don't know if I will hear from him again. I'd be fine if I did and fine if I didn't. I like talking to him when he's not all sexual. He actually has things to contribute to a conversation, and he's funny. I already know he's not long-term material since he's not looking for a relationship. He's told me plenty about his dates. [He didn't like his last one...she was too loud and obnoxious for him. He was pretty sure he could have gotten into her pants for a while and that he would have gotten rid of her, but he decided to not take that route at all.] And I know for him, it's mostly physical at this point. I feel kind of bad ... actually I don't feel bad. I was going to say I feel bad for kicking him out, but I don't. I had already told myself prior to his arrival that if at any point I didn't like what he was doing, I would tell him to leave. And I was clear on what I didn't want him to do. I don't think what I wore or my perfumed lotion was a sign for him to have his way with me! But the whole dinner thing was very nice and very sexy. One last thing...Since I'd only been calling him Mr. Penis Photo...Well...I didn't exactly forget his name...I know his name. I was just worried that I would call him by the wrong name. So I didn't use his name once throughout the whole evening... :oops: |
| 5 Comments |
| Ain't that grand |
| 03.17.05 (10:37 am) [edit] |
| There is another Rosie Tulips out there, but I know I was the first!! And the other one is a dude!! Why would a guy call himself Rosie Tulips? I don't get it. |
| 0 Comments |
| Happy St. Patrick's Day |
| 03.17.05 (9:01 am) [edit] |
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I am wearing a green shirt today, and now I am just about done eating my Lucky Charms. We're both magically delicious!! Last night Mr. Chinese messaged me. Wasn't telling him before that there was no point in chatting anymore not enough? :x Everything about him annoys me now. He commented me on being up late. It was 11:30 pm!!! Late? I think not. Is it really necessary to block people even when you've told them you don't want them in your lives anymore? Can't people just respect that?? I did my last bit of cleaning last night, too. Sure, I shuffled piles of stuff around, but I got the glass cleaner out and wiped off the dining table. No clutter sure looks nice. And today I am extremely bruised, and my shoulders are very tired. I know where I get the bruises on my legs from, but my upper arms? In the soft fleshy part?? I must find out. |
| 1 Comments |
| Why do people say Jesus H. Christ? |
| 03.16.05 (10:17 pm) [edit] |
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What does the H stand for? Anyway, yesterday I was thinking it was a pleasant time with my father. Perhaps it was. But then I talked to my mom tonight, and it turns out my dad was complaining about me to my aunt. :shock: I guess now that my parents are separated, my dad needs someone new to focus on...and it is me (since he has no real friends and doesn't stay close with his family). Now he will think of all the things I've done to wrong him and let it fester, and he'll get all angry. He will keep a mental list, and every chance he gets, he will go through each item in the same order every time. I think his inability to let go of anger is a major obstacle to overcoming his depression. Once again, the chauffering thing came up; he told my aunt that I chose not to drive him to the airport one night in December 2004. However, he has forgotten that it was a morning flight for him, and I told him that it was too early for me to drive him. At that time, he tried to bargain with me. Well, how about 8 am instead of 7 am? He felt that *I* should have been the one to drive because *I'm* his daughter. Well, perhaps. But: 1. It was too early for me as I knew I was going to have a very long day and night. 2. I was not the only person alive that could have driven him to the airport. 3. He's done the same thing to me, but he did it last minute. 4. A cab ride would have cost $15. Or like he says, "the bus is cheap." I guess he saw her within this week because he complained that I said nothing of the letter he gave me. What I hate about my father is that he expects everyone around him to drop everything, put their lives on hold to accomodate him. He gave me the letter a week ago. Did he want a response the next day? What did he expect? What did he want me to say to him? Oh, I know. "Sorry, dad. Everything you said in the letter was right. I'm a horrible daughter. Please forgive me." :roll: Right. My first reaction to his letter was anger because it was just a reiteration of stuff he's already told me. [b]The letter[/b] Here is what he wrote to me. This will be my second time reading it. I will leave the grammatical errors alone. Dear Rosie, I had a lot of hesitation before I made up my mind writing you this letter. You are a very impatient perrson and acted very agitated when you talk to your parents. I have been very patient in dealing with this action of yours. But you never seem to change your attitude towards your parents. So I figure that I better write you instead. I don't care how you think about your parents, but I have always got the impression that you never regard yourself part of our Tulips family. You had already indicated to us long time ago your parents' matter is their own affair and you never want to be bother. You are right in certain sense in saying that. But have you ever as our daught to act as a middle person to have us solving our problems? Is it what a child should do where there's problem developing in her parents' marriage? You just don't care! All you care is for us not to give you any problems. I am not asking you to take sides. As a matter of fact, I prefer you to be closer to your mom as she's so dependant on tohers. I may be wrong to be a husband and she may be wrong to be a good wife, but she still is your mother. She did give you a lot of her attention. As for myself, I don't really what others think of me. I am me and I am the only one to know if I am right or wrong. I do regret thtat I was kind of neglected when you were a child. But it's too late to regret now and I have always been trying my best to make up for it physically, mentally & financially. But you criticized me for trying to make it up to you by using money. I got very upset about it. I just want you think back carefully for all this year since you are in highschool. I had been trying to make you happy & satisfy you in anyway I could. I had also given a lot of patience, care, understanding and my love. I might not have spoken a lot about this, but it's always inside me. I can remember the time when I backed you up when your mom refused you in so many things like your private phone line your early driving lessons and other things that your mom had objected to. Did you ever to take a bus to school or doing part-time jobs to support your education like other teens? I had been your drive lots of time before when you needed and what about the cell phone that we forced on you to carry even when it was not that popular then? Why? It's because I love you and care for you! I worry about your especially when you are out there all by yourself. You still call this money welding make up something that I had not done before?? When you need anything like shelvings, decorations in your previous bedroom, who did step in for you? What you move, who have helped you to move things & others? Who had given you advices so that you wouldn't be cheated by other people! I saved up most of your toys & work for you sine you were young. Why? Because I love you and concern for you. I know you may miss some of your things when you grow older. That's why I took all the effort to save them up for you. I complained to you that you didn't take me to the airport because you have to go to bed early to be prepared for the evening next day. That really hurt me a lot. It's not the money I had to spend for the taxi. It's the lack of concern you had for your old man. You challenged me that i did not take you to the bus depot & ask you take a taxi and not paying you back. [u]I am your father[/u]. You should be doing me a favour to show a little appreciation towards all the deed I thought I have for you. What I am doing for you is only a favour for a grown up child. I am not demanding pay back from you. I am supposed to do all these for me because you are my child. There are lots of people out there caring for you & concerning for you. Don't you think you should show some appreciation for everything others had done you. It is life! It is just being human! Being thankful is a very important virtue towards a good life. You will be rewarded some day, good or bad eventually depending on how you perform. I am not asking you for any favour or any return. You may even think what I'm saying is a bunch of shits! You don't have to listen or believe. But I am sure you will eventually know that whether I was right or wrong. You may even see through you own stubborness and misunderstanding one day and then you will understand. I have gone through a major length of my life span. I have gone my part to my child and tried to have a good family. But I don't think I have done a good job. As a result, I am still very unhappy and uncertain about my future & my final years of my life. But I don't care. If the worse has to come, it will come. No one can stop it from coming. I only want to go with a peaceful heart and mind. You don't have to feel sorry for me. I deserve what I'll be getting. Just remember, find out who is truthful and concern for you. Look & observe closely and don't trust people so easily. There are lots of evil in this world. So be very careful and look after yousrelf. You may not believe in your parents, but you have to believe in your sensable and sound judgement if you want to survive in this terrible world. That's all I want to say. I hope you have read through my letter up to this part. Thank you for finishing it instead of throwing it away. Loving you always Your Old Dad :( |
| 0 Comments |
| Be careful when you're walking |
| 03.16.05 (1:23 pm) [edit] |
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So I took a short break earlier and went to pick up some lottery tickets. I decided I would also pick up a CD and the Brady Bunch on DVD. They were out of stock of the DVD, so I didn't pick up the CD either. Anyway, when I was walking back to my car, I was behind this guy in white sweats and a cap. My thought process went something like this: 1. I wonder if he's cute. He's probably really young. 2. Guys are lucky they can wear white sweats whenever they want. 3. Ew. He just spit. 4. His sweat pants are really baggy. 5. He walks weird. He walks like a [female] stripper. What *is* he doing? Oooh, he rolls his hips to the front, alternating sides. 6. Oh, he just turned around. [guy is mumbling to himself.] 7. He's not as young as I thought he'd be. 8. BWAHAHAHA He's forgotten where he's parked! |
| 2 Comments |
| SORRY! |
| 03.16.05 (12:17 pm) [edit] |
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I'm sorry things are not going well for you. I'm sorry your health is poor. I'm sorry your job is hard in your health. I'm sorry you can't afford gas to get to work. I'm sorry there are no jobs that allow you flexibility with your condition and that you require training for anything else. I'm sorry you can't afford to move closer to your job. But I cannot do anything about it, and I am tired of being your sounding board. I can only repeat the same positive thoughts so many times!! (Doesn't the USA have anything in place to help people with disabilities?!) And man, a certain somebody is just annoying the hell outta me these days. At least he's not asking what-if's related to being in love with me anymore. All he does is talk about his job...how stressful it is...how a problem is eating him up. When did I become his sounding board, too?? I've been tempted to tell him what I think of him, but I am biting my tongue. This was an approximation of the latest annoying conversation: Him: I have a moral diilemma. Should I stick with the current Linux kernel I'm on or use the latest? Me: What's the moral part? [I hate how he set up the question...stop being so dramatic...] Him: Using the latest will decrease performance. Me: Is everyone expected to use the latest kernel? Him: That's what it's there for. Me. Then use the latest. Him: Why? Me: Because it's the latest. Him: Dear Lord...if you're going to ask me for my opinion, just take it. You're in the tech industry. You should know that people move on to the latest despite it being worse for the user. It's the way technology works!! If the latest performance is worse, everybody is forced to accept it!! And it's Linux, there will be new kernel soon enough. Just move along with the times. And then I got pissed off. I asked him why he bothered asking for my opinion if he already had an answer in mind. I mean, why else would he try to change my mind?! Then he said he was only questioning my certainty. If you're going to ask me something, of course I am going to reason and think before I give you an answer!! I wonder if I was that annoying to James. He always did tell me I overplayed the Devil's Advocate. Man, I hope I not that annoying. This guy is also a big smartass. That is annoying too. But I am a smartass sometimes. I hope I am not that annoying. And he still reminds me of James...with the massively hairy chest, love for cats, and how his life and well-being revolves around his job!! :roll: |
| 0 Comments |
| STC conference |
| 03.16.05 (8:18 am) [edit] |
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I am part of the Society for Technical Communication, and every year they have a conference. I went to one in Santa Clara, CA, USA back in ... must have been 2001. I was still new with my company, and I wasn't old enough to rent a car in California. :lol: This year it's going to be in Seattle, WA, USA, which means...a very close drive and SHOPPING! I haven't been to one of these conferences since, and I would like to go. Only this time, work won't be able to pay for it. My coworker said I could have the cost written off my taxes, but since I'm not a registered business, I wonder if I can still do that. Something to ask my accountant friend! I almost forgot about the conference. I can't forget about next year's because it's going to be in Vegas :D I'd better start planning this Seattle trip...Early registration rates ends in a few weeks. And maybe I can see what other hotels are in the area. I'd like to be as close to the convention centre as possible, which means more $$$$ It's going to be pricey to stay overnight for 3 nights :shock: My coworker is thinking of going for one day. Maybe this will mean holding off on taking a digital photography course. I did find one which goes on for 10 weeks. It's one day a week for 3 hours at a time, which is kind of a big commitment for me right now. However, Saturday afternoons do interest me. |
| 6 Comments |
| Not a bad Tuesday |
| 03.15.05 (8:13 pm) [edit] |
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Despite the fact that I did not get a run in today...it was a good day. I was productive at work, and I figured out the whole graphics thing. I had a nice meal with my father, and he did not bring up the letter or anything negative. I got a couple of emails from people that I am glad I heard from. (Let's hope I hear back from them soon.) I talked to a couple of friends on the phone. I have a backup for a Hot Hot Heat concert if I can't find someone to go with. I wanted to see this band enough that I bought two tickets to their concert before finding someone to go with. I cleaned my floors. They look alright for not having to go through the anal process of scrubbing, sponging, rinsing, and drying. This time I used the Mr. Clean Eraser and the wet Swiffer. I tidied up my dining table. Even though it was just me moving piles of stuff to other places, the de-cluttered look is nice. Tomorrow I will clean the glass. I made an appointment with my hair dresser for Saturday. Not that I want to pay out of my butt to get a trim and a blow dry, but my head is getting heavy, and I haven't bothered doing any research on hairdressers that are good with Asian hair. Now I can relax with some TV and some reading. Fixing lunch for tomorrow will be a breeze as well. So yeah...good Tuesday and no drama to report. Well, I have been on this cleaning frenzy in preparation for Mr. Penis Photo's visit. I am half excited and half dreading his visit. |
| 2 Comments |
| A geek's excitement |
| 03.15.05 (11:55 am) [edit] |
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I've been putting off updating some graphics for our online help because I have no idea how to do it. I knew I had done it before, but kind of forgot. It took me forever to find the source, but I did it!! I'm on my to fixing the graphic!!! And with all my recent importing my CDs to iTunes, I've run out of space on my HD. I will make an attempt to move my an old HD from my old machine to my current one. I've never done this kind of thing -- only watched. I always had another geek around to help me out. I guess I can still ask someone, but I would like to do it myself. I wish I was up to snuff on the latest products out there, though. How can anyone keep up??! |
| 0 Comments |
| Brrr |
| 03.15.05 (8:39 am) [edit] |
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The sun is gone today, but I am still in a t-shirt, which means I am cooooold. Last night I went out for dinner with my mom and two of her friends [I should mention my mom has only Chinese friends]: Uncle G and Auntie H. Uncle G's son, Andy, was my first crush when I was 3. I guess Andy is single (but living in Hawaii now) since Auntie H suggested my mom and Uncle G become in-laws. :lol: Surprisingly, my mom announced that I like only white guys. :lol: And then Uncle G said that Andy was pretty white. I have no idea what Andy looks like these days. I haven't seen him since high school. I really liked his mom when I a kid, too. She died in a car accident when I was in high school. Or maybe Andy does have a girlfriend now, but nobody knows. :lol: Uncle G brought up some memories of my childhood that I had completely forgotten...like how my dad would always feed me a bowl of rice before dinner got underway [well, I was too young to remember that]. And how I used to get carpet burns on my stomach from sliding down the stairs on my stomach! BWAHAHAA |
| 4 Comments |
| In a mood |
| 03.14.05 (10:06 pm) [edit] |
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Well, I knew I'd be back to normal and not feel mentally slow as soon as Day 1 of my cycle started. But enough about that. This past weekend I was surfing around a blog, which linked me somewhere else, which linked me somewhere else, etc., etc. I think I want an Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe with Ultra Soft Finger Tip. I found at a local Web site that used to carry the older model. When I emailed her about, she said I would have to order from the US because she no longer carried it. Here, I was hoping she would put in some effort to help me get one! Anyway, if I can find it for purchase locally, I sure will. In the meantime, I do have other things to keep me entertained. Then I surfed on over to [url=http://www.womynsware.com]Womyn's Ware[/url]. I sent them an email about the Eroscillator, but they have not replied. I like that store. The service and selection are both great. For every purchase over $50, you get a stamp. I think you can get some sort of discount after 10 stamps or something like that. They do mail order, too. Anyway, what I'd get from there would be the [url=http://www.womynsware.com/stg...%20Dog] Honey Dog[/url], [url=http://www.womynsware.com/stg...%20Dancer]Water Dancer[/url], and of course, [url=http://www.womynsware.com/stg...]iVibe[/url]. I couldn't stop giggling at the iVibe. Too bad I can't really colour coordinate it with my iPod. |
| 2 Comments |
| Fat Actress |
| 03.14.05 (8:41 am) [edit] |
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That show really licks. I just didn't find it funny at all. The first episode was a whole half hour of fat jokes directed towards Kirstie Alley. Even if she was poking fun at herself, I just didn't see the point. Was she trying to say I'm big and proud of it? Maybe. But it was more like "I'm big and I should attention draw to myself and use as many putdowns as I can so everyone can see I think I am okay with myself!!" Maybe I should have counted the number of times "fat' was used. I just did not like the horrible tone of the show. Her friends called her fat, so she wasn't going to get more film opportunities. Her fans called her fat, so she couldn't get a date. Network execs called her fat, so she couldn't get her own show. She was not reaching any of her goals because of her weight. That was the sole reason. That is what the show was saying. I just don't see the humour in that. |
| 3 Comments |
| With that out of the way... |
| 03.13.05 (1:42 pm) [edit] |
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I feel a bit better...All that ranting helped. I think I just listed everything that needed to get done. Lists have always helped me in times of stress because they make me realise that there is not that much to take care of. Today my back is sore. I am sure I did something to it while trying on 6" platforms and other shoes yesterday. I teetered a few times. I tried on the cutest Mary Janes, but they were too big no matter how much padding went into them :cry: I have been "blessed" with wide feet and skinny (normal) heels. That's why I can't wear strappy shoes...it looks like my feet have exploded in them! At least I saved myself some money. The store had some great boots, too. There was one pair that had a little pocket for a crop. Those were great! And there was the cutest leather nurse outfit. There were some cute nurse boots, too. I'm not sure what it was with the uniform even though I am not into nurses. When I am feeling flush, I will go back there and splurge. But for now, I am poor and am trying to spend as little as possible (never mind the books and the running gear I got yesterday!) I think there was something else I was going to blog about, but now I have to head out and enjoy the weather!! |
| 0 Comments |
| Great fartknockers |
| 03.13.05 (1:30 pm) [edit] |
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It's Sunday afternoon. I slept in but still let the alarm clock wake me up 10. I felt exhausted, still. What is wrong?? Then I went out for brunch with my mom, and now I am even more exhausted. I am cranky and tired. I hate that I have to work around everyone's schedules today, and that I can't have blocks of time to do my stuff. My floors are filthy. Laundry is sitting around. My taxes need to be done. I want to enjoy the beautiful weather and go for a run and take some photos. There is no clear space on my dining table because it's filled with newspapers and stuff. But in half an hour I have to rush out (which would have been mid run) to drop off some stuff for a friend who's doing me a huge favour by doing my taxes. However, I could have dropped off the stuff after I had brunch with my mom when I was close to his place and was more convenient and when he was home as well. I will need about 2 hours for the whole running process. I wanted to do some pole work after I got home, and after I shower and stuff, I will have to go and pick up my mom by 6. Then we're going to her place for dinner. But when I get there, I will be just sitting around :| ( I hope I remember to bring some newspapers.) when I could be more productive at home. I don't mean to go and eat and leave, but sometimes (okay, all the time) I just want to get all my to-do things done first before relaxing and enjoying myself. I don't feel comfortable sitting around watching TV when there's a mess behind me!! By the time I get home tonight, I just want to relax and have a really, really early night. But I still have to finish laundry and vaccuum and clean the floors. If I wasn't expecting company this week, I might be less diligent about cleaning. Tomorrow night I am going out for dinner. Wednesday night is dance class. Thursday is when I might be having company. What I really need to do is put in more hours at work since we have a deadline in less than 2 weeks. But I still want to get in exercise. So how do I work extra hours and exercise and take care of my home and get enough sleep? How do mothers manage their time? I don't get it. And I think I am supposed to get together with someone for coffee this week, which leaves Tuesday night at the moment. I also need to call the film fest people back to let them know I can only volunteer for one shift now since I am going to a housewarming right afterwards that shift. And changing my address and my bank information for tax purposes has been a bitch. I want to get my taxes done with software, but in order to streamline the process, all my information should be already updated. To update my info online, I have to sign up for an ePass. It takes at least 5 business days for them to snail mail me my activation code. Then I can log in and update my info, and maybe there, I can cancel my bank info too. This is all taking too much time. I can apparently phone to update my information, but when I reach their automated system, there is nowhere in the menus about changing information. Then I got cut off. If some options are only available at certain times of the day, I wish they'd say so. I will try again tomorrow. I can also fax my information to them, but I have no fax machine at home. And how will I know if my changes are actually made? I think the safest way would be to make my changes online. But if I could talk to a human on the phone, I would definitely cancel my bank information first. At least my snail mail gets redirected, but that will get canceled some time next month. I also know that not all my mail gets redirected. I have had stuff arrive at my old address. |
| 0 Comments |
| Tired but wired |
| 03.11.05 (11:48 pm) [edit] |
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An old childhood friend of mine called me up today. We met through our parents back when we were 9 or 10. There were actually 3 of us. Our parents played mahjong. And coincidentally, we were all born in the same year. So of course we were compared to one another. :roll: They'd laugh and say how Becky, the tiniest one was the loudest one of all!! That's who called me. She still talks a mile a minute :lol: We graduated from the same high school, but hung out in different circles. We sort of got caught up but not really. It was just getting to know an old friend again (so familiar!), and we had lots of laughs. We didn't really touch on the past (there can be only so much talk of My Little Pony). I did learn a lot in the few hours we sat in the restaurant. I always thought she was a little wild and that her parents let her get away with everything, but they were actually quite strict. She did exercise her limits, though. She's turned into a bit of a computer geek, too, and works with my friend's boyfriend. One thing though...she is now competition!! :o :wink: She likes tall, white men...doesn't go for Asian guys either. She doesn't have many Asian friends, either, like me. Finally, someone I can relate to!! Anyway, it was great seeing her again. I'm sure we'll get together again. I am going to get ready for bed since I have an "early" morning of pole work coming up! |
| 2 Comments |
| The OC |
| 03.11.05 (10:38 am) [edit] |
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I just can't get into the show. The acting is horrible! There aren't enough characters, and the ones who exist aren't very interesting. I watched some of an old Dawson's Creek episode while at the gym this morning. The plots were interesting. The acting was not bad. Sometimes I wonder if they purposely made The OC bad. When are they going to can it?? |
| 3 Comments |
| Thanks, what a loser! |
| 03.11.05 (9:35 am) [edit] |
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One thing I've always really hated is when people make plans with me, and then the plans fall apart due to people changing their minds. Mr. Penis Photo had asked me out for tonight, but he told me to do something else if something better came up. He's not followed up, so likely anything will go on with him tonight. And then tomorrow night, a couple of weeks ago, everyone else was gung ho about going to this club. "Yeah, let's do it!" It wasn't my idea to go since I had just gone 2 weeks ago. Then mid-week last week..."oh, so-and-so said she's taking a break from clubbing," even though she really didn't have any intention of going in the first place. Then yesterday, "I have of work to do for my Web site, and then I have to get up early to into work Sunday." And then last night, "I don't want to go anymore. I feel like I've gone out every weekend for the last few months. And R Man and I finally have the same night off." And when I brought it up to the person who suggested going, "I don't want to go anymore! The T Man hasn't even met the R Man yet! And I really want them to meet!" [and yes, with all that emotion.] The story behind that is...two of the girls who said they wanted to go have decided to have a double date by themselves. T Man and R Man are their boyfriends who have yet to meet. And scheduling everyone is always so difficult; therefore, Saturday night would be best. That is fine, but I wish they would have said something sooner. It was not my idea to all go to a club!! But the intention was to go. Nice to have everyone bail. I'm not sure why I put so much value on being out at least one night on the weekend, considering I am always complaining about being tired and having stuff on the go during the week :lol: Tomorrow morning, I am getting up early to do some dancing, and afterwards, I'll either go platform shoe shopping or meet up with some people from work to see a co-workers new boat. Sunday I'm pretty much spending the whole day with my mom. Things I need to do but don't feel like doing: -putting in more hours at work (I have no qualms coming in Saturday night to do this since I have no daylight hours to spare!) -writing a review, which is weeks overdue and shouldn't even take that long -cleaning. My place is sooo cluttered!! |
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| My latest shopping trip |
| 03.10.05 (12:48 pm) [edit] |
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I had several things on my list that I was thinking of picking up because they were on sale. I got two items, and then splurged on chocolate and a magazine. Why, oh why, did I get more chocolate? I used to stock up knowing full well that I'd want some eventually. But now, I've not really craved chocolate. Or maybe the "cheap" stuff I'm getting is not satisfying me. I just ate my Peanut Butter Kit Kat. 15 grams of fat. And it was not that satisfying!! The pb was too salty. I don't think I will be buying more of those anymore. What's with all the weird chocolate coming out. All those fads...bleh! While I was at the store, I noticed Kimono condoms. I hear they're good (thin and strong), but since they weren't on sale, and I didn't need more condoms, I didn't get any. Responsibilities aside, I think guys and girls should have condoms available to themselves, but if the guy wants a good fit, he'd better do the providing. There are so many variations in sizes (amongst other things...studded, ribbed, with or without spermicide, etc.) that the guy should know best. Well, I could always have a variety, but that would give away the aura of innocence. Having small, medium, and large is a good start...but most guys probably wouldn't want to hear, "oh wait...just let me get a condom. Hmm...you look like you'd need a Shiek regular." I think lubricated polyurethane is great, but there is not much stretch factor. Maybe Beyond Seven are made of that, but those are good for smaller weiners. Avanti ones are bigger and are also polyurethane. Although spermicide is nice for killing sperm, it also causes numbness, so let's just avoid condoms with spermicide. I am out of touch with condoms these days. |
| 4 Comments |
| Kids galore and no more fatties |
| 03.10.05 (8:39 am) [edit] |
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I got all caught up on America's Next Top Model. They've gotten rid of all the "big" girls. Mary, the plus-sized girl didn't even make the cut. I think it's because there were no other plus-sized girls. And then the first girl cut was Brita...so fat at 138 pounds and 5'9 ish (I forget her exact height). She looked curvy to me, but I guess in the modeling world, that is bad, bad, bad! She even said she was fat :roll: Most of the girls on the show seem to hover around 20, give her a take a couple of years. And there seemed to be an abundance of mothers!! Am I just living somewhere where women tend to have babies later in life, or what? I am not up-to-par on social conditions these days, I feel. And the news is skewed. |
| 7 Comments |
| So hot |
| 03.10.05 (8:29 am) [edit] |
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I'm hot. You know who else I used to think was hot? Jimmy Fallon!! I just reminded myself that I want to see his SNL DVD. I bet it'll be just a montage of him busting a guy while doing his skits. His best one was being Mick Jagger's reflection. I hope it's on the DVD. Back to my hotness, I've turned the heat off in my apartment. That's how warm I've been!! It's probably from my increased exercise, but this is getting annoying. Winter's not even over (snow tires are *still* on), and I'm thinking of breaking out the fan!! I slept horribly last night; I kept waking up. I think it's from lack of sex. Last night's dance classes were not bad. I rushed to pick an outfit and songs for nothing. I guess I have a bit more time this week, but I think I need to go find some platform shoes asap. I was going to wait. The girl who is teaching the "Getting ready for the stage" class goes through all the moves sooo quickly; I'm not sure if it's because that's her "teaching" style or if she thinks we know it all. So I will have 2 routines: one pole routine to a fast song and one floor routine to a slower song. I think I will need to practise at home with the floor stuff. I never, ever practise. Well, on occasion I will get on the pole when I feel motivated (rarely). But we've never really practised putting the floor moves all together. I would like to look somewhat graceful. And on the pole, we need to have one complex move, on simple spin, and one complex spin. I think I will do a climbing move, a ballerina or backwards spin, and the sundial. I used to be able to do the one-armed ballerina really well. I haven't done a lot of spins lately, and I think I need to get my nerves back. Um, that's about it for now. I must do some work. I have no idea when I will put in extra hours, but I must do it since my deadline is in two weeks. |
| 4 Comments |
| Oh poo |
| 03.09.05 (12:42 pm) [edit] |
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I really need to submit 2 songs for class. I received an email rushing me!! At least I made a preliminary list with some choices, but I can't dance around at the office to see how well they would work!! Darn, darn, darn!! I just wanted a fast song and a slower song, but I don't want a song that is too fast. One song that gets me pumped is Black Eyed Peas' Anxiety. It's agressive, but I don't know if I can dance to it *sigh* I have so many more songs at home that would be good candidates!! |
| 0 Comments |
| Explosion |
| 03.09.05 (10:08 am) [edit] |
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What is with the recent searches for "Rosie blog" or "Rosie's blog"? :lol: Who is this ubiquitous Rosie that people are searching for because I know it sure can't be me. Or maybe people are just trying it out since I've mentioned it? Anyhoo...I'm quite hungry right now. I could sure go for a bowl of Lucky Charms. I bought another box because it had a coupon for a free Happy Meal. I hope it hasn't expired. Maybe it will come in handy one day. I live close to a McDs. I am all about using coupons. And I actually enjoy browing through flyers of places I frequent. Last night I had plans of picking music and stuff, but I ended up meeting up with Mr. Penis Photo. Around dinnertime, he text messaged saying he'd be in my area around 10, and he asked me if I'd be interested in meeting up somewhere nice? I said okay and suggested a coffee place. We met up there, and then he asked about going to a lounge :roll: You know I really don't care for places that serve alcohol because I don't drink and pop really isn't my thing either. Nor is watered down "juice." But whatever, we went to a lounge, and I had my usual Shirley Temple. The conversation was good, and I didn't notice the time fly by. Mr. Penis Photo is actually very interesting. He also has manners!! He apologised for the last minute/late date, and thanked me for agreeing to go to a lounge. He also gave me a short hand massage. I'd go out with him again. I ended up getting home later than I had intended, and now I'm tired today. I had to get up early to take my car in for an oil change/checkup. |
| 0 Comments |
| PhotoBlog |
| 03.08.05 (1:19 pm) [edit] |
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I've never upgraded my account to one of their paid services. Now everything of mine will get deleted in 4 weeks if I don't become a paying member. Fair enough. I love the look of PhotoBlog's layout. That is what draws me there. I don't want to lose what I've already uploaded and the comments. But I am also a PhotoBucket member. The layout is definitely ugly, but now you can at least add captions to your photos. The captions are my favourite parts!! I think I may upgrade my PhotoBlog account. Something to ponder. I also like that others can comment on my photos. |
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| You know |
| 03.08.05 (1:09 pm) [edit] |
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Sometimes I try to convince myself that some things don't matter. Sometimes I get sick of avoiding my feelings, especially anger. Anger's not the best feeling, and I think time can be better spent focusing on positive feelings instead of negative ones. But I should accept that negative feelings can arise, right? That above paragraph was just a prelude. Farewell, G. Thanks for being a dink to me whenever you saw me. Thanks for trying to start something up with me when I was trying to forget your best friend. Thanks for backing out after you said things that I wished were true. Thanks for erasing me. Thanks for giving me the task of forgetting you when I never even thought about you to begin with. Thanks for existing. Thanks a lot for nothing. [I am tempted to contact him, but I know I mustn't.] Then I just get mad at myself because I feel like I wasn't strong enough or too nice in the first place to prevent feeling hurt later on down the road. Same applies to Mr. Engaged. I have zero interest in him. I should have nipped things in the bud early, early on to take away that element of temptation for him. Maybe the same applies to Mr. Penis Photo, too. I gave giving people chances a whirl instead of being as ruthless as I used to be, and I'm not sure I enjoyed it. Maybe I'm just meant to be closed. I don't know. And then I wonder some of my actions were the right things. (Recently, I wondered if there any classy people left, and I remembered that I told Ken I wasn't interested in seeing him again. He was a classy guy for sure, but I just feel an attraction.) And while I'm ranting anyway, I'd like to say that I did not appreciate Mr. Chinese commenting about my weight last night even though he was trying to compliment me. Sometimes I wonder if I am going crazy. How do people keep sane?? Maybe I will just do more running. |
| 2 Comments |
| Kick in the butt |
| 03.08.05 (11:42 am) [edit] |
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For the last 2 years, I've volunteered for the Vancouver Asian Film Fest. I don't think they do much to retain volunteers, which I think is a bad thing. Every year they have to train new people, and who wants to be dealing with newbies all the time? I keep thinking about taking a larger part with the festival. They keep saying they want more volunteers, but the execs are such a tight, small clique that it is a little intimidating and difficult to crack. Yet they seem up to their eyeballs with prep stuff. Then I also worry that I won't be able to commit the time that they'd require. I dunno. But I read an article in the newspaper about Barb [she's the head honcho of the festival] and it mentioned the (monetary) obstacles that are always present. It was kind of interesting and reminded me that some things are worth it. I'll have to look into what I could do for them again. I forgot to call Harold back yesterday about volunteering for their next event. I'll do that tonight. |
| 1 Comments |
| Listening to |
| 03.08.05 (11:08 am) [edit] |
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Once again, I am listening to Marilyn Manson's version of _Sweet Dreams_, but it's on the radio. I'm seriously considering this song as one of my songs to dance to. I've always thought it was sexy. I think a dominatrix outfit would go nicely with it. I've wanted such an outfit for a long time. Nothing too extreme, though! I just never got into shopping for one because really, where do I start?? I don't want to spend much money, if any at all, for this class. Maybe I will use it for the next session :wink: Right now I am considering a little white skirt with a white fishnet shirt. I will have to see how it looks. Class is tomorrow. |
| 0 Comments |
| Tea two days in a row |
| 03.08.05 (8:55 am) [edit] |
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I am feeling exhuasted again. I had set my alarm clock for 6:45, but it didn't wake me up until ... later. I was having some sort of intense dream, but I don't remember what it was about now. Why am I so warm today?? The tea didn't do too much to me last night, so I had another one today. Tomorrow I must wake up early since I have an 8:15 appointment. This morning I went to City Hall to see about another discount on my annual utility fee. Turns out this discount does not apply to people who live by themselves in apartments. Booooo. Last night, Mr. Chinese asked me if I wanted to play some pool this week. I told him no. Before I conjured up the nerve to tell him I didn't want to see him again, he asked me if I wanted to go out with him again. I told him I changed my mind, and I apologised. I don't even think I owed him an apology, but I figured it might soften the blow. He took it well, and then asked, "by chance, was it something I said?" I wanted to say yes, but it wasn't really that. It was a lot of things he said and his horniness. I just told him I didn't feel any chemistry. And I didn't want to mention his sex proposition because maybe someone else might have appreciated it. Time to do some work today. I have been slacking again. |
| 1 Comments |
| Just importing some music |
| 03.07.05 (9:58 pm) [edit] |
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I'm finally at the Ms...I didn't realise I had so much Marilyn Manson. Nor did I ever notice the use of bongos in Madonna's _Like a Prayer_. Importing music is boring. I should be writing a review, but I don't feel like it either. Over the last few days, I've had two people tell me that they were expecting me to have an accent...like a Chinese one. But my accent is very west coast Canadian. West coast Canadians probably sound more like West coast Americans than our people out east. |
| 4 Comments |
| Just when you think things are back to normal |
| 03.07.05 (6:26 pm) [edit] |
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I talked to my dad again today. He called me to meet up with me because he had something to give me. I thought it would have been a little more fun than a letter. Anyway, after work, he dropped off a letter for me. He said to get back to him at my leisure. When I had the letter in my hands, I was nervous. I wondered if it was some sort of outpouring of depressed thoughts. I didn't want to read it. Anyway, I went for my run after throwing in some laundry and putting some meatloaf in the oven. After I got home and was icing my knee, I decided to read it. His writing makes me squint. There was not much new information in there. As I read along, I was hoping he had some epiphany. Instead, it was more of how I could treat him better and his feelings on being my father and examples of things he did to make my life better. There was nothing new in the letter. He did mention he was hurt that I said that he fathered by giving me money, which is what he did. His outlook on fatherhood was providing necessities in life: clothing, food, shelter, and education. He felt that job was complete when I graduated university. Now he also says he could've been a better father, and that he is trying now. He touched on *again* that I did not seem to care about the family because I didn't mediate my parents' arguments. He touched on *again* that he was not asking too much for me to drive him to the airport one early morning and that I *should* have. And he still got the details wrong. And he was saying that he saved my childhood work, etc. so I could remember those days. Well, that stuff I threw out personally when I moved because he didn't want it and I had nowhere to put it. Maybe I will re-read the letter when I calm down a little. My first reaction to the letter was not a good one. It made me mad, and it does not make me want to talk to my dad. Once again, things were said in regular Dad fashion. Everything is about him, him, him. Of course everything should be about me, me, me! I'm not sure if I can ever across to him about how *I* feel and actually have him see my point of view. |
| 6 Comments |
| I think I forgot to mention |
| 03.07.05 (12:43 pm) [edit] |
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I've sworn off men from the Internet. I'm really close to swearing off men all together at this point in time right now. :D I love men, but I just need a break. I know I've said it before, but I *really* mean it this time! I now know I am okay with not having sex. Still kind of sucky that I'm not getting any, but I know I am not desperate. And being in a relationship has never been a real concern of mine. I think things happen when they're supposed to. The P Man MSNed me today. I did not get butterflies, and it was a pleasant small-talk convo. I was just wondering if he had something up his sleeve. He's no longer living in my city, so I don't have to worry about running into him anymore. I did manage to ask him the G Man is doing, and he's seeing someone. Knowing this makes me want to bring out my eeeevil side. :twisted: But I will do nothing. |
| 2 Comments |
| Googling Rosie |
| 03.07.05 (10:12 am) [edit] |
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Lately there have been a lot of Google searches for "Rosie's blog." And thanks to that previous sentence, now my blog will get turn up even more often. I'm just wondering if people are finding whom and what they're looking for. How many Rosies are out there? Most people don't look for RosieTulips' blog, and that's who *I* am!! RosieTulips! RosieTulips! RosieTulips! I need chocolate. I plan on getting some little Lindt chocolate eggs, maybe after Easter when chocolate will be dirt cheap. There is no cheap time for chocolate during the summer and fall. Oh wait. It all starts with Hallowe'en. Cheap chocolate after Hallowe'en, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter. I guess Easter is the time to stock up! |
| 0 Comments |
| My outfit today |
| 03.07.05 (8:49 am) [edit] |
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I hate it. It's not flattering at all, but everything else needs to be washed. My shirt is baggy and somewhat shapeless. The skirt reaches halfway down my calves. And I'm wearing runner-type shoes. Sounds awful. doesn't it? As I was driving to work today. I realised why I was so tired. It's just that time in my cycle, and I am going to be feeling exhausted for quite some more time :( I might go home early today and take a few sick hours...This is how bad I feel!! I had set my alarm clock for 6:30 this morning so I could go for a run before work. At 6:45, someone was at my door (Turns out I had set my alarm clock for 6:30 pm). I was woken up from a dream; I was in New York City!! Anyway, it was Mr. Engaged...He said he was doing a pop-in like he said he would (although I wasn't expecting him this morning at all). We had a bit of a talk; he still feels guilty about the past :shock: Anyway, he's been trying to make things up to me; perhaps befriending me his way. I didn't feel so great that he was being nice to me out of guilt. He says in the future, he's only going to be helping me out with handyman stuff. Fine with me!! Now what am I going to do about my tiredness? I really want to go for a run, but seriously, I hardly have the mental capacity to make some toast right now. |
| 2 Comments |
| Exhausted |
| 03.06.05 (10:46 pm) [edit] |
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This is weird. My mind has turned to mush. I hope it's just from being tired and some medical condition. I could hardly completely a thought today, and those I did took lots of effort. At one point, my mind completely blanked out when I was punching in my lock code for my cell phone. I could not remember it for the life of me. This weekend has been stressful because I haven't had any time for myself. The whole weekend went by and I didn't even turn the TV on once. I have 4.5 hours of TV taped from last week, waiting for me. Here are other things waiting for me that I was hoping to get to this weekend (or some point in the near future): -unpacking the rest of my boxes, which requires me to get more shelving -cleaning the kitchen and bathroom -hanging a picture -getting rid of old clothes and shoes -moving my new clothes and shoes into the closets -cooking a real meal for myself tonight -cooking for the rest of the week -picking out 2 songs for dance class -picking out an outfit for dance class -go to the gym -do a write up for Kira's Web site -write a review for another Web site -catch up on a week's worth of newspapers What I did accomplish: -laundry -moved my desk -bought too much food Where did the time go? After feeling like I had no time for myself this weekend, I came to the conclusion that I am going to spend Friday nights (or at least one night of the weekend) alone and at home. Writing in my blog right now is my only outlet for the weekend. I'd read, but my mind is racing too quickly to absorb anything. I was going to veg Friday night, but that didn't happen. Then I got up early on Saturday, went to a friend's place for a few hours, and moved my stuff around in my study after I got home. Not much later, I headed downtown with Paula where we had some dinner and then met up with her boyfriend and his friend. Bedtime = 2 am. This morning I got up around 9 and went for an hour long run. As soon as I got home, I had to shower and go pick up my mom. We went for brunch, and I was so hungry. No eating until about 12:30. Now, usually, my mom likes to be at work around 3 pm Sundays. Around 4, I go to the gym. But today, we shopped until 4 pm. Then I had to more grocery shopping for myself. After I got home, I had about an hour to eat and get food ready for tomorrow before I went out to the movies. Paula and I saw [u]Bride and Prejudice[/u]. The characters were a little iffy, but I loved the singing and dancing bit. Whenever I've seen those Bollywood movies on TV, I've always wanted to know what they're singing/saying. As soon as I got home from the movies, I got my lunch ready for tomorrow and did laundry. I will be going to bed soon. Today I screened all my phone calls. I missed calls from Mr. Penis Photo (at least I think it was him or maybe it was my date from Friday night...) and the guy from Friday night. Someone with a private number has been calling me; I've either missed their calls or chose not to answer, and they never leave messages (I hate when people don't leave messages and then comment that I didn't answer their calls earlier). I did talk to Tara today, and I talked to my dad. I'm not sure why he is still annoying me so much. I knew he called earlier today, so when I talked to him tonight, he said, "were you out earlier today? You weren't around when I called." He never leaves messages (except when he has some speech to give me. Then it's "call me back when you have some time." And he's already gotten his passport photo taken. He called to ask me for my mailing address so there would be some contact info his passport. Well, at least I don't have to call him back whenever he doesn't leave a message. He just calls repeatedly until he calls at a time when I can answer his call. Tomorrow, I must remember to: -call the volunteer coordinator back to tell him I can volunteer for some movie screening -go to City Hall so I can apply for this thing that allows me to pay less for sewer and garbage services (one bonus of living alone :roll: ) -make an appointment with a dermatologist Things I should do tomorrow: -call to change my long-distance phone plan -pick |