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| Another day of compiling |
| 06.30.05 (2:33 pm) [edit] |
|
It's the end of the work week for me, which means it's time to compile some files... So the Pole Dance Challenge...After Friends and Family night for the students, I was rather burnt out from preparing another routine for a competition. I was all set to do something to Marilyn Manson's Sweet Dreams (maybe next time), but instead, I chose the tunes I had already danced to. The preliminaries were this past Sunday. We had two minutes to show our stuff to the judges. So instead of having a real routine put together, I thought I'd just cram as many spins with floor work into the allotted time. There were 8 contestants (a number had dropped out because they couldn't make the prelims or finals, or they had hurt themselves. The number of students from my studio were also capped), and they were going to whittle down the list to 6 for the finals. By Sunday, I had just wanted to relax. Not only have my weeks been action-packed, but there haven't been any weekends where I didn't have to be somewhere at a certain time on a certain day...sometimes I just really need that nothing to do mode. I couldn't wait to be done with the prelims so I could hang out with the J Man. So the 8 of us did our things, and we waited for about 45 minutes for the judges to deliberate. They couldn't decide which 2 to cut, so they decided they'd take us all. :roll: I was almost hoping to be cut. Don't ask me why I didn't just not do it. I didn't feel right about it. Each girl got some feedback. My outfit was too simple, and I didn't smile enough. Even though, my pole stuff was not as advanced as the others', my stage presence was good and was guessed to be a crowd favourite [Mmm...I make great hard boiled eggs...]. So after that, I went and got a costume. It was a black and shiny, long-sleeved stretchy cop costume with an attached pair of booty shorts...so I guess like a unitard but flashier. It zipped up in the front with lapels and big cuffs. It came with a belt, handcuffs, walkie-talkie, baton, badge, and hat. I had no time to practise Monday because of work and my photography class, so I left everything to Tuesday (yes, we had about 2 days to prepare for the finals). I made up a routine at home in the morning, and in the afternoon, I went out to the venue to get a feel for it. I didn't have my routine in my head down pat. I was a little worried about it, but I felt that it wasn't a huge deal. It kind of slipped my mind that my routine would have to be altered to fit on a 5' x 5' stage. No doing somersaults :( I practised for about an hour or so at the lounge, and got all bruised up. (The ones on my elbows and knees are the prettiest.) Then I just kind of read over my routine that I had written down on a piece of paper with my song's lyrics. I had seen some of the other girls' moves and of course, felt intimidated. Even though I know where my strengths are, I didn't quite have as many moves that would make people go "oooh." So anyway...all day Tuesday I was really nervous. I felt like I was going to look like a fool (great way to prepare mentally!!). And after I found out what the prizes were, I was like "I'm competing for this?!" First prize was a pole (which I already have), and second prize was a trip to the spa (I wouldn't have minded getting one of those!). I went over my routine a few more times at J's place using his lamp. Then I left for the venue. [In the meantime, the J Man had blogged an entry for me. I can't believe people were fooled!!] I was a bundle of nerves...everyone else seemed ready to go. When it was my turn to go, I had to stand there waiting for the emcee to read my blurb out. I really didn't want to stand there...I just wanted to come out, surprise the crowd, and start. By the time I got to the stage, I completely FORGOT my routine. I panicked a little. I knew what I wanted to do in what order, but I couldn't remember at what points in the song I'd be doing certain things. Anyway, I guess I kind of lucked out because I was taking too long when I was practising, so I didn't really run out of time. I couldn't really hear the crowd...but after I was done, the emcee said "sounds like she has a lot of friends out here tonight!" My routine was supposed to go like this: 1. Dance a little and toss away the baton. 2. Dance some more and take off the hat and give my hair a shake. 3. Do fast spins. 4. Do moves on my knees. 5. Do holds. 6. Do moves on my right side. 7. Do moves on my back. 8. Do moves on my left side. 9. Do moves on my back with my butt hoisted up. 10. Do slow spins. 11. Descend with the splits. 12. Do moves on all fours and on my knees. I forgot to do one of my better spins and the helicopter. But oh well. I was just glad when it was over. People who'd seen me dance a few weeks ago said I looked better at the competition. I was kind of surprised by that because I felt less ready this time. But oh well :) At least nobody told me I sucked. In fact, I was told I looked really comfortable out there :D I'd be glad to perform again, but not for a competition. |
| 0 Comments |
| So much oil |
| 06.30.05 (12:02 pm) [edit] |
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I have a couple of tops with oil stains on them. I really should fix those. Darned that stinky Omega 3 6 9 oil. I'd better see results of those wonderful health benefits soon. My left arm is killing me. The P Man called me last night and this morning, but left no message. What the heck does he want? He couldn't have been drunk before 9 am. Today I'm going to work my ass off. Perhaps I will take a short break around dinner time, and then come back. Long weekend = short work week, but the amount of work I have isn't going to shrink! I'll post about the pole dance challenge later. Now this blog comes up when you do a search for it. Great! I was hoping to catch some fireworks action tomorrow with the J Man, but alas there aren't very many going on here. I guess I feel a little embarrassed, but it's not like I'm living in the nation's capital where people there would naturally make the biggest deal out of Canada Day!! I also tried out yoga at work today. They have yoga at my gym which my membership fee covers...why did I forget about that? Oh yeah, I didn't enjoy at my gym. I still didn't really like yoga all that much today either. But I have two more sessions. The guy who was teaching wasn't that bad. He looked really young. I usually think guys doing yoga seem really fruity, but he was all right. So were the other male coworkers doing it, too. But I still associate fruitiness with yoga and guys. |
| 0 Comments |
| Ugh, my v-string |
| 06.29.05 (2:11 pm) [edit] |
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Victoria's Secret has done some great marketing. They came out with "v-strings." I'm not sure I really like v-strings all that much. I figure they're called v-strings because of the triangular patch of fabric at the top of the ass crack. I got one of their latest catalogues in the mail yesterday but haven't had a chance to browse through it. I'm sure there will be a page in there saying about "must-haves!" Anyway, I hate when the tops of my undies hang out of my pants (or whatever bottoms I'm wearing). I don't have big hips, so often my pants (especially jeans) start sliding down :x Today my v-string is firmly in place while I sit down, leaving it in plain view. Even my jacket is too short to cover it. I didn't get a chance to get home to find a more suitable outfit for work from the time I left home yesterday afternoon. There are dishes waiting for me. I know life is busy when I leave dishes sitting and untouched before I go to bed. My top is too low-cut for work. My bra shows if I don't pull the neckline up. :shock: Tomorrow I meet with my latest manager to talk about my performance and goals. Right now I'm reviewing what was written before. Ugh. I hate doing this. |
| 5 Comments |
| So yesterday... |
| 06.29.05 (11:18 am) [edit] |
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My entry was blogged by a guest...He did okay. :lol: I did spend a large portion of my day getting ready for the pole dance challenge, and I was quite stressed out!! I felt like I was cramming for a test. And of course, I forgot everything by the time I was supposed to go on. Seriously. I completely blanked out and knew I had to keep moving!! And this morning, I skipped out on boot camp. Not just because waking up with the J Man is "delicous," but I fell back sleep after the alarm clock was turned off. When I woke up again, it was 6:45 am, and that's when boot camp starts. I talked to the C Man yesterday (sometimes I dislike the way he talks to me...he's so presumptuous!!) to arrange for him to get a ticket from me for the competition. On the phone, he was like, "do you not want me to go or something? You sound funny." Maybe I did sound funny, but it's because he kept wanting to hang out beforehand, and I had already told him NO!! (And of course I felt like I was hiding something, which made me feel dishonest.) At least the J Man was with me when I handed him off the ticket. C Man was like, "is that your new boyfriend?" And I said, "yes." Maybe I will blog about the pole dance competition later. I'm just glad it's over. I'm bruised all over my arms and legs, and I'm all sore, too!! I probably practised for about 3 hours yesterday. |
| 2 Comments |
| I like to move it move it... |
| 06.28.05 (6:05 pm) [edit] |
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So right now I'm busy getting ready for tonight's show, I've had a bit of time to practice, but I just haven't been motivated to really put a great routine together. I told the C Man today about the J Man, so the deed is done. It was a lot less painful than I thought it was going to be. I met up with the J Man after practising, he made me some dinner and calmed my nerves down a bit. Tomorrow morning is boot camp, and I know I won't want to leave, there's something delicous about waking up with the J Man in the morning. |
| 4 Comments |
| Thoughts |
| 06.27.05 (1:46 pm) [edit] |
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Eruptions from this weekend I thought the C Man knew I was seeing someone since the day after he saw me at the dance club, he had asked me if I was with a guy. But then his "you're going to be single forever" comment and other things make me believe he doesn't know. Is it really my responsibility to say something when he's not mentioned anything about being interested in me (again)? I feel dishonest somehow. Anyway, he'll be finding out tomorrow night, and hopefully it won't be too awkward. Maybe that is all I wanted to say. I am too tired to do more thinking right now. My new eating style went out the window this weekend :( |
| 4 Comments |
| It'd better be cold tomorrow |
| 06.27.05 (1:38 pm) [edit] |
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I need to practise on my pole and it's a lot easier when my apartment isn't warm. [b]Pole dance challenge[/b] So this weekend, I went to the pole dance challenge preliminaries. They were hoping for 40 contestants, of which a handful of contestants would make it to the finals. Ultimately, 8 people signed up, and all went into the finals. Apparently, the judges had a very hard time deciding which 2 to cut. I guess that happens when the number of judges = the number of contestants. So everyone is in the finals. I definitey cannot do as many of the advanced moves as most of the other girls. And I picked up a costume yesterday; I really like it :D I *must* dance in it, so I know what's it like. In the past, I've *only* danced in shorts and a tank top or a t-shirt. This is a one piece long-sleeved thing. It'll be fun making up a routine. [b]Start of the weekend[/b] I didn't get as much time to myself as I had hoped, but that is okay. That can come later since boot camp ends this week, as well as pole dancing. :D Friday night I went for dinner with my mom, and then I went to the Night Market with the C Man. I was really surprised he suggested it. He was one the guys I dated that made me think he was too white for me. Experiencing anything new culturally was really foreign to him and really scary, I guess. [The Night Market is this thing that goes on in the summers here every weekend. It's just a market that is like the markets of Hong Kong...lots of food, cheap junk, and lots of people]. I was exhausted...I was really planning to veg that night. So it annoyed me a bit that he wanted to prolong the evening. AFter the night market, he wanted to go somewhere for a beverage, and then he invited himself up to my place. So we sat around for about 45 minutes, and then he left. Hmm...it felt like longer than 45 minutes. I had also had all these plans to clean my home and get ready for Saturday since the J Man was coming over. Everything needed a cleaning...bathrooms, bedroom, kitchen, living room, and dining area. All I ended up doing was cleaning one bathroom!! [b]Middle of the weekend[/b] I had wanted to do some shopping at Costco, but there was no time for that on Saturday. But the time I finished cleaning and getting dinner started, I had to go meet up with my mom for lunch. After we ate, I had rush off to buy stuff for the eveining. But in the afternoon, I had an opportunity to finish off watching Beauty and the Geek before the J Man arrived. Then I just rushed to get dinner going so we could eat and then go to the movies and to the Night Market. [b]End of the weekend[/b] It was nice to sleep in on Sunday (and a little on Saturday...I couldn't wake up as early as I had originally intended on since my evening ended later than planned Friday night :x). I will have no problems falling back into my old sleep schedule! Then I rushed off to the pole dance challenge preliminaries. I had to hang out there longer than I wanted to :x. After that, the J Man and I just hung out some more. And some more!! It was a good time :) |
| 0 Comments |
| How difficult is it to cut cake? |
| 06.27.05 (1:15 pm) [edit] |
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Not at all!!! Every month at work, we order birthday cakes. For some reason, sometimes the turn out is not so large, and sometimes the turnout is good. Today everyone was late, so no birthday people were there. This one woman (she is so flakey...makes me want to smack her, really) decides she'll start cutting one of the cakes (and no, it wasn't her birthday). But she leaves all the bottom icing on the tray!! What an abomination!! And then she was just stabbing the pieces of cake to get them on the plates...totally massacring them!! And then her ID tag was in the cake. When I mentioned it to her, she didn't seem to care. I don't know about other people, but who knows where her ID tag has been...I don't want to eat anything that's been touched by it!. So I offered to cut the rest of the cake while she speared and stabbed the pieces onto plates...only she got in my way, trying to be all quick. She even stabbed at cake that wasn't cut yet. Anyway, as soon as the cakes started being cut (with no singing of Happy Birthday), the masses came (including the birthday people). Then I took my piece and came back to my desk. I have to leave early today. I start my digital photography course tonight, and tomorrow, I have to prepare for my "pole dance challenge." |
| 0 Comments |
| I would be able to do fake backdating |
| 06.24.05 (3:57 pm) [edit] |
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Since I blog every day, it'd be so easy just to go back to an old entry and tack on blogs I had not previously posted here!! The lightbulb just went off. Hmm. He left without saying bye again. How ridiculous am I going to sound if I say I don't know if I like that or not. I was definitely bothered by it before. Maybe it's because I'm feeling a little distant. Sometimes it feels like a lot of time has passed even if it is only a couple of days. I guess I've had a lot on mind yesterday, and then this afternoon I was on a work roll. Often, the distant I feel is the distant I create. Not healthy. I know. |
| 0 Comments |
| I forgot |
| 06.24.05 (10:14 am) [edit] |
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Yesterday I printed off the rule sheet for the Pole Dance Challenge. Then I forgot to pick them up from the printer. :? At least it's just me and one other person who uses our printer. And he left them to the side for me. I came up with a good idea today. I am proud of myself. I suggested adding a group box to a tab. What's going in the group box was in another tab, but they got rid of the tab. But then they wanted that tab back because of its underlying meaning. So...add a group box! Yay! |
| 0 Comments |
| You know |
| 06.24.05 (9:08 am) [edit] |
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Yesterday was a really crappy day. I wasn't motivated to do any work, and then I had a Anyway, I am sure I got more tense as the evening wore on, and I am sure I embarrassed my dad in his mind. While I was driving home, the word I came to realise that I'd been thinking for him all this time was petty. So at dinner, he (like his usual self) made decisions for everyone, and it almost seemed like I took any opportunity to cut him down. I get frustrated eating with him. He doesn't make healthy food choices, and he doesn't understand when I don't want to eat what he likes to eat. He didn't like that I didn't want to take any of the leftovers (to the point where he wanted to retract his purchased gift of food to me). He accused me of liking fried food when I said that I don't. He said I chose the noodles when, in fact, he did. "What?! Am I the *only* person hear you say you wanted them?" So at one point in the evening, he tried to embarrass me. He kept pushing me to eat some pea sprouts, and I said I didn't want any and that they were also too tough. So he was all like "Nobody else has said they're tough. Anita [my cousin], do you find them tough? Ha ha ha." Um...yeah. (And with this new meal plans that I've been doing, it's difficult to eat a real Chinese dinner!!) And my dad's always been about power tripping. One of the managers working at the restaurant addressed him by his first name, which was bad. "How dare he call me George? Only my closest friends call me George. He should be calling me Inspector Tulips or Sir." :roll: I remember a long time ago how proud he was to ignore his co-worker's son when he said "hello, George." "Hmmph. He should be calling me Mr. Tulips." But one time, he was impressed when an ex of mine called him Mr. Tulips the first time they met. Of course, I had told this ex of mine ahead of time. After last night's dinner, a lot of my dad issues came flooding back to me. No wonder I'm so bummed out right now. Even a good bout of exercise this morning didn't help. :( I talked to the C Man last night. Maybe I will get together with him for a ride on his bike tonight. I was telling him about boot camp and how it's affected my daily life, i.e., how I feel like I barely have any time. He was like, "you need a live-in partner." Not sure if he was meaning a rommate, so I was like, "what do you mean?" "You need someone like a guy to help you out with these kind of things." [things like preparing meals] Doing something like that just seemed so foreign to me. "What? Even if I had a guy living with me, I'd still want to do things for myself." "You're going to be single forever." Then I started thinking about what he said, which got me thinking to what was subconsciously drilled into me while I was growing up. I have a real problem asking people for help. I feel weird (guilty?) when people do things for me. It's not that I don't appreciate it; maybe it's just that I don't know how to process what's going on. I often hear women end up being with guys like their dads. Sometimes I run from guys who seem anything like my dad. It's too easy picking apart the things that don't sit well with me. Maybe I will ponder about what positive influences he's had on my life but I'll do that later. |
| 3 Comments |
| Mmm...chocolate |
| 06.23.05 (11:30 am) [edit] |
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I wonder if I'd enjoy a good quality solid life-sized chocolate penis. I think I would. I wonder if my favourite chocolate store would make me one if I provided a mould...or gave them something to make a mould. Mmm. Since I can't really see my wonderful idea ever coming into reality, I'll just have a Lindt milk chocolate egg. |
| 4 Comments |
| I wish I had crackers |
| 06.23.05 (9:03 am) [edit] |
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For the past couple of days, waves of nausea have been washing over me. I don't know if it's from that Omega 3 6 9 oil I'm consuming or if it's because I am still fighting a cold, thus making me a little sensitive to dairy. I've been trying out this flax seed oil blend by adding it to my protein shake. It didn't taste that bad this morning but I had premade it the evening before. Apparently my mom had suggested I consume something like this a year ago, but nooooo I didn't listen to her then. I got into the office quite late today...even later than boot camp days... :? It was worth it, but the guilt is setting in!! In a few weeks it will be the 5th year anniversary of my job. I will celebrate by looking for a new job. My gut feeling when I first got the job was apprehension. I didn't think working for a banking software company would be very exciting, and I was right. But at the time, my boss' enthusiasm and the company's plans were enough to make me push that apprehension away. There were big plans!! But now, time has passed, and the only knowledge I've gained is knowledge about a bit of banking and our software. The skills I had before I started and the skills I acquired during my time here (outside of work) have gone to waste. I kind of feel like I've shot myself in the foot. It'd help if the company would've liked to try new technologies (especially documentation-wise). Our old docs architect was so adamant about keeping things the same that he created an application to emulate RoboHELP. Thank goodness we didn't have to use it. Anyway...time to do some work. Right now it's all about volume, volume, volume, and no room to grow. I guess if the time comes to discuss our goals and stuff, I'll have plenty to say!! |
| 2 Comments |
| Oh what a booty |
| 06.22.05 (8:41 am) [edit] |
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Today was ass day at boot camp. We didn't even get to abs. So boot camp guy informed us that a neighbour of the park filed a complaint with the police and the parks board about the noise. 1. This individual could have said something directly to the boot camp guy. 2. We're not the only people at the park in the mornings. 3. Did you expect peace and quiet living near a park? Mind you, most people are sleeping early in the morning, and I would probably not enjoy being woken up by noise. However, there is a nicer way to handling things, in my HO :roll: Wear ear plugs. One more thing that I have re-learned from doing Boot Camp and that is... I am not a morning person. I'm in Week 3, and my body has still not fully adjusted to getting up early. I'm tired all day long. And now I'm fighting off a cold because my body just can't handle my constant tiredness anymore. Ugh. I am not feeling so hungry as often anymore. I can't wait 'til July since I will have more time!! I might take a break from pole dancing. Maybe one extra activity a week is enough, and photography starts next Monday!! At least I have no probs getting up for 6:30 now, (but anything earlier is tooooo early!) |
| 2 Comments |
| Survey |
| 06.21.05 (7:38 am) [edit] |
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Statistics: 1. first name: Rosie 3. last name: Tulips 4. nicknames: None 5. location: Richmond 6. birthday: Dec. 21 7. chick or dick: I like dicks but I'm a chick 8. zodiac sign: Sagittarius-Capricorn cusp 9. siblings: none 10. pet(s): none 11. hair color: black, I guess 12. eye color: brown 13. what hand do u write with?: right 14. glasses? braces?: glasses 15. do u bite your nails?: no 16. do you stare off into space?: sometimes 17. do others think you're cute?: maybe Relationships: 19. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: ... 20. are you gay? homosexual?: I'm not gay in a homosexual way. 21. happy and gay?: I'm gay in a happy way for the most part Fashion stuff: 22. where do you shop?: Supermarkets, malls...wherever they sell stuff 23. do you think your fashion is cool?: I don't think about it 24. do you have any piercings?: Yes 25. if not, what do you want pierced?: No more 26. do you have a tattoo?: Yes The extra stuff: 27. do you do drugs: On rare occasion 28. do you drink: Not really 29. consider yourself smart: In some ways 30. what sports do you like: Billiards 31. what are you most scared of: Heights, deep water, being cheated on, getting shot in the back while walking down the street 32. if you could go anywhere, where would it be: Back to bed 33. how often do you cut your toenails: When they need a trimming 34. what are you listening to rite now: Some QA guy talking 35. what time is it:? 9:34 am 36. do you have your own phone line: Yes 37. what are the last 4 digits of cell fone: 0451 38. what is in your purse right now: digicam, tampons, wallet, lottery tickets, blood test form, ear buds, gym membership card, cell phone, hand cream, maxi pads, lip gloss, lip brush, Tylenol, Alesse, blotting paper/film, and keys 39. what shoes do you wear: all kinds 40. what clothes do you sleep in: PJs or nighties 41. what kind of bed do you have: a Queen on an Alexis Simmons mattress 42. where do you want to get married: Don't know 43. if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be: Have a smaller frame 44. what do you really hate: Dishonesty, hardcore pessimism 45. what are the prettiest names: Don't know Favorites: 46. color: None 47. number: None 48. song: None 49. movie: Double Happiness 50. candy: Chocolate 51. clothes: None 52. tv show: Big Brother 53. food: Dessert 54. fast food: None 55. nail polish: None 56. sex: Male...Female... Either, I guess. 57. class: Sociology 58. drink: Shirley Temple 59. animal: None 60. season: Spring 61. position: From behind 62. lotion: None Have you ever: 63. smoked: Yes 64. drank: a Yes 65. got drunk: No 66. bungee jumped: No 67. went movie hopping: No 68. broke the law: Yes 69. ran from the cops: No 70. made yourself throw up: No 71. gone skinny dipping: No 72. made yourself cry to get out of trouble: No 75. rubber: ?? Which is worse: 76. barfing on your date or date barfing on you: Both are bad 77. having your appendix out or tonsils: Dunno Have you ever: 96. eaten an entire pack of KD: Not all at once (and ew, KD) 97. caused a car accident: No 98. seen the ocean: Yes This or that: 99. night or day: Day 100. sunrise or sunset: Sunset 101. chocolate chip or mint chip: Either 102. ocean or lake: Ocean 103. chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 105. love or lust: Love 106. gold or silver: Dunno 107. pencil or pen: Either 108. skirt or jeans: Either 109. rose or tulip: Both In the past 48 hours: 110. cried: Yes 111. bought something: Yes 112. worn a skirt: Yes 113. gone for a walk: No 114. gone for a drive: Yes 115. gone out for dinner: No 116. taken a test: No 117. talked to an ex: Yes 118. missed an ex: No 119. watched your favorite movie: No 120. missed someone: Yes 121. hugged someone: Yes 122. kissed someone: Yes 123. had a nightmare: No 124. fought with your parents: No Feeling inside: 125. what do you feel about the Quija board: Creepy 126. worse feeling in the world: Finding out that I've been lied to 127. best feeling in the world: Being with someone and not having a care in the world and just enjoying a moment 128. are you for world peace: Yes 129. are you a health freak: No |
| 8 Comments |
| Today's AWAD |
| 06.21.05 (7:21 am) [edit] |
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dissemble (di-SEM-buhl) verb tr., intr. To hide true feelings, motives, or the facts. I should start putting the words I like in my blog instead of saving all the emails. I don't need to keep the history; I just want to remember the meanings. Another TV-less night last night and Big Brother 6 will start soon. Woo! An aunt called me last night. I hadn't heard from her in a while, and I'm not 100% sure why she called me because in our half-hour conversation, I think she did about 95% of the talking. First she wanted to talk about my parents. One of the few things that really gets my blood pressure going is my dad's sisters talking to me about my parents. Their problems started over 10 years ago, things got really bad a few years ago, and they separated over a year ago. I'm not even sure if the divorce is finalised but there was some paper work done back in the fall. So to me, parties involved have moved on. Well, my mom has, for the most part even though she's still bitter. And my dad -- well, he's just still blaming for all his woes on being married to my mother, and even though they're not married anymore, he's still angry about it. Anyhow...my aunt was still apologising and wondering what she could have done to help. I just can't stand how most of his sisters (let's say 5 out of 7) who didn't see him day-to-day and who didn't have a clue what was really going on could think they could just offer their advice and solve everyone's problems. I never did tell any of them how I completely disagreed with their points of view. I know they like my mom, but.. so what. My mom always knew how I felt, but deep down inside she probably feels that she's failed in some way because of her failed marriage. "People from my generation think differently." But her own father cheated on her mother, and my grandmother would not stand for that. My grandmother said had she not had kids, she would have left my grandfather in an instant. When my grandmother found out my grandfather was a cheater, he had already started a new family to which he stayed with for the rest of his life. My grandfather always showed up at family stuff whenever I visited Hong Kong, and he also visited us too when other relatives visitied. We just never spoke of his family. It was always obvious that my grandmother had a strong hatred for the man. My father's father cheated, too. My paternal grandparents stayed together, but they just seemed to live together forever. My grandmother didn't seem very loving towards my grandfather, but she knew it was her duty to stay with him forever. When I was a kid, I remember asking my grandmother if she was going to remarry after my grandfather died. She said, "of course not! What? Go off with another man now that you're grandfather's dead?!" Anyway, back to the phone call...then my (American) aunt told me of her retirements plans and was telling me of the costs involved. Therefore, she and her husband was going to immigrate to Canada after their retirement and take advantage of what Canadian taxpayers pay for. That kind of made me mad. She has this vision of growing old with her hubby and it doesn't matter if they have no family or friends. They'll just participate in more church activities. I quite like my aunt's optimism. Too bad I wasn't really in the mood for listening. I gave lots of mm-hmms and yeah's. I really wasn't sure where she was going with the conversation. Then she asked me how work was and if I was dating anyone. After that, she asked me how a phone call to my dad from her would be. I tried to be as honest as possible. Quite frankly, my dad just wants to shut everyone out. He doesn't want anyone talking about him, talking to him about him. He has no desire to talk to anyone. The whole shutting out bit kind of scares me because sometimes I think I am like that. We don't want people getting too close. I don't know what his reasons are, but for me, I think it's so I don't feel so vulnerable. Hmm, this turned out to be a rather depressing blog entry. I'm going to add another one. |
| 0 Comments |
| On rare occasion |
| 06.20.05 (3:35 pm) [edit] |
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Listening to people's advice today has made me feel worse. Sometimes ignorance is pure bliss. Sometimes I just wish I didn't know what I do know. How can two people's opinions differ so vastly on the same thing? I hate being moody. |
| 0 Comments |
| I like them uncut |
| 06.20.05 (9:09 am) [edit] |
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Well, an embarrassing revelation came to light on the weekend. Just when you think something is one way, it's actually another. [This appears to be quite a long entry...time for subtitles!!] [u]Boot camp[/u] I felt exhausted all weekend. Boot camp is half way done, and all I do is feel more tired. :roll: I don't think I will do boot camp again. The best part of it all has been it just getting me to be active. The exercise portion is not the difficult part. [u]Upcoming events[/u] I am supposed to be in a pole dance challenge prelimary round this Sunday and I've done no practising. Maybe I should just drop out of it. I have no time to devote to it, and I have to pay, still. The finals are on the 28th. I start my photography course the 27th, in the evening... [u]Friday night and family[/u] Had a family dinner on Friday night that included two pairs of aunts and uncles, a cousin, my dad, and his friend. Of course my face was a topic of conversation. My dad's friend mentioned to me that she got really mad at the way my dad reacted to my not checking in her luggage for her when I went to Hong Kong. My dad probably felt bad about it, but of course he'd never tell me that. Once again, she told me to look out for my dad and that his depression is getting worse and that he can get really scary. Well, it's nice to know she sees how living with him can be. Sounds like he hasn't changed at all. He has a tendency to not let go of the past and is always keeping track of how people have wronged him. Then when he starts going off about one thing, he lists everything in order, which gets him even angrier. Sometimes he gets so mad, he threatens to hurt people or property. You know it's a good time to diffuse the situation in any way possible when his eyes bug out. But I am really tired of people telling me that I'm the only one that can really help him because I can't. He doesn't even want to help himself. "He cares only about you." I probably shouldn't give up on him but it's hard dealing with a brick wall that you have issues with. I was really relieved when the friend was here to keep my dad out of my hair, but she's leaving in a month. And she likes to point out that she will never see my dad again and that she's done all she can for him. :roll: [Saturday] Saturday was the 24 hour relay. I ran 4 miles in about an hour and a half (25+ minutes/2 miles with a 40 minute break in between). I've learned that consuming much before running is a baaaad idea. I already knew that, so I don't know why I had that protein shake. (I've discovered that putting a tbsp of my Omega 3 6 9 oil into my shake is a good way to have it!!). I also got my chocolate covered strawberries. It's like the more times I go to that store, the less I remember how to get there. :x I think I will have one more chance this summer. Soooo delicious!! They had these low carb/no sugar cranberry pistachio white chocolate thingees, too. And those were soooooo good. I am starting to drool thinking about them. We ate pizza on the balcony by ... lamp light, which was really nice :) [Sunday and almost heartbreak] It turned out to be quite a lazy day. No grocery shopping done, but I did get started on some laundry. It was nice to not have to wake up to an alarm clock, but I didn't want to sleep in too late for fear of not being able to sleep that evening. My fear turned out to be unwarranted because I was ready to pass out shortly after 11 last night, which I did. Perhaps it was somewhat of an exhausting day and that I hadn't eaten all that much. Having a good cry tires me out, too. I guess things with the J Man almost went kaput. Without going into all the details, we got into one of our things again where neither knew what was going on. Man, was he cold. Then I gathered up all my things and left. I could have said some stuff (nothing like telling him off, but what was going through my head) but I didn't feel anything was appropriate, and my mind was spinning with too many thoughts where none connected. While I was going down in the elevator, I realised I had forgotten my chocolate in the fridge, so I called him, and he said he'd bring them down. When I saw him, he was empty handed, so we both went back upstairs. And we talked. I'm not sure if anything was really resolved but I had that familiar feeling of comfort being around him. I'm not sure how to make things go more smoothly. I don't know how to be less complicated, and for the record, I don't think I'm complicated...*maybe* complex. I've been told I can be uncommunicative and closed. But I am willing to do as much as I can so things work. Lately, I have tried to take a step back and observe. Am I losing myself? I don't want to veer from being myself, and I wonder if I am doing that. I worry that I do or say something to make him feel more insecure. When I first met him, I felt confident that it'd be easy being with him, and then all these things came up that I never even noticed until he said something. I thought we were having a good time. What does he mean we argue a lot?! M was right when he said I think too much. And had I not forgotten my chocolate, I doubt I would have contacted him. I would have thought that's what he'd want considering the last time he told me to leave, he told me that that would've been it. So what's a second time? :( |
| 4 Comments |
| Men! Bah! |
| 06.17.05 (3:35 pm) [edit] |
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Boo to the P Man for giving out my MSN addie. Boo to the kid who got it and asked me for pics. Boo to the J Man for leaving again without saying a word! (It's weird to me to get an apology for getting a BRB because he leaves to eat, but no mention when he's gone at the end of the day?! Again??) :x And my Monday meeting has been moved to 10 am :x Too early!! And I've updated no content for my work today because I was running those frickin' macros and realising they were not running successfully!! Dr. Rosie can't always perform miracles -- just quick fixes!! |
| 3 Comments |
| Wrap up |
| 06.17.05 (10:09 am) [edit] |
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Yesterday was a long day...no TV, but I did catch up on some Beauty and the Geek this morning. I find that show really entertaining. I wouldn't even label some of the "geeks" geeks. But then again I have a soft spot for geeks. They are so endearing. Anyway, yesterday...I ended up hanging around for an hour while picking up my [not the most useful] Firewire cable and saw some pics taken at Computex and ACon -- looks like it was a really good time!! I saw pics of a couple of people I knew, and could only do this :arrow: :shock: and ask "what happened?!" Attending those kind of shows was a lot of fun as media. And he's getting married. Now *that* was a shock to hear!! The weather is looking mighty chilly. I am not looking forward to tomorrow, especially with that funky calf muscle thing going on. I'll take an epsom salt bath when I get home tonight. Hopefully, that will help. I was told to not use "hopefully, " and now I can't remember why. I just hope to finish running quickly and to just LEAVE! And I hate wearing a lot of clothes when I exercise. It gets too hot. I hate being too hot!! If I could get away with it, I'd be in just shorts and a sports bra every time I did something active. :) You know, I really appreciate the J Man's sweetness. He is quite the darling to me. I ought to show my appreciation. :? P just signed online from a ferry on her way to Greece. Lucky girl!! Our chat was like 2 minutes :lol: She did ask me what she was missing here and how my love life was. I told her to eat some loukoumades for me, if she could. Man, I love those things. |
| 0 Comments |
| Well, that was... |
| 06.16.05 (4:08 pm) [edit] |
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only a little awkward... I just called my dad's place, and someone else answered. I thought she had returned home...My dad told me she had decided to stay in Hong Kong after all. I wonder what's going on with that. That reminds me...I must get some cash, and I will have to make a trip to some sort of bank. I hate giving wads of $20s...Fifty and hundred dollar bills are okay. Maybe my regular bank machine will give me $50s... Must remember to write up that Father's Day card for tomorrow night. I'm sticking in an IOU a computer in there. |
| 2 Comments |
| Must heal |
| 06.16.05 (1:56 pm) [edit] |
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The insides of my mouth got a little scratched up last night, and this afternoon did not help :twisted: Woo! I am going to pick up my Firewire cable today. I wonder where my other one went. Well, today's been a productive day so far. My work is having yoga classes for 4 weeks. I am going to sign up if there is still space. I think most of my money (after necessities) goes towards fitness. :? I've tried yoga twice, and I thought it was really challenging. Hopefully, my increased intake of protein will help with my muscle recovery. I've always taken a long time to recover. And my right calf is tight today. Just in time for running Saturday :x |
| 0 Comments |
| It'd be so great |
| 06.15.05 (11:07 am) [edit] |
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If I could only backdate entries...I'd do some copying and pasting! I've eaten too much. |
| 9 Comments |
| Love time wasters |
| 06.15.05 (9:07 am) [edit] |
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I cringe every time my father calls me. Well, I already cringed that my work phone rang. I figured it was going to be my mom with some meal or food related conversation. But it was my dad asking "when am I going to get my computer? If you don't give to me, I am going to buy one next month." :x FFS, I already told him I bought one for him. Excuse me if I'm not in a rush to go upgrading it. I'll try to get on it by July. :roll: All it needs is RAM, a burner, and an OS. If I get a DVD burner (whatever for...other than they are not that much more expensive than one for CDs), I'll swap over my current burner. I was hoping he'd give me some details for Friday night. I'm not really looking forward to eating a huge meal even though it will be great food. I'm going to have to go running the next morning. So last week for me was busy, and there was not much J Man time during the week. Somewhere mid-week, I found out I was going to be in his hood for a little and asked if he wanted to meet up. He seemed a little miffed that was an hour of time (max), and then he also asked me if things were cool with us given that it would have been our longest time apart and I only wanted to see him for an hour? (It wasn't really a want; it was just how much time I had between where I had to be.) So this week, I have a lot more free time, and he picks a day to get together where I have pole class. And he talks of needing more "me" time. Then he suggested I go to his place Friday night but when I brought it up again, he was like, "I can't. I might have a schmooze thing for work." :roll: He seemed a little indecisive about plans for the week or kind of absent-minded. Is it me or am I feeling some sort of shift? I'd like to spend time on the weekends with him so we (or I!!??) don't have to worry about being up and off in the mornings or I'm not rushing off to see him after doing something else. I just like being with him, but I'd like to do more than just hang out in bed (not that I don't enjoy that a lot). I need other stimulation. One thing that I often worry about is if a guy is only wanting to be with me so he can get into my pants. That's why I had a couple of warning bells go off while he was asking me out for our first date. He said, "so are you coming over tonight?" :roll: I am sooo hungry. Only 45 minutes 'til pizza, which isn't part of my new meal plan either. I'll just start on some grapes. |
| 0 Comments |
| Mango pits don't go in the garburator |
| 06.15.05 (8:09 am) [edit] |
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Okay, I need more than <6 hours of sleep a night...I probablyi should go to bed no later than 11 on Sunday, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. I made it to Boot Camp on time today, but man, do I ever want to crawl back into bed. I should probably push myself harder at those workouts, too, but today's was kind of hard on the knees. And skipping -- I hate skipping!!> I had a protein shake this morning, but had it with cow's milk instead of soy milk. I wanted to know if it'd take away the plastic-y aroma...it didn't really, but maybe I will stick with skimmed milk for my shakes. I also found out I can make up the workout I missed on Monday. I'll do that next week. Last night I went for a ride with Jeff on his bike. Every time I ride on the back of a bike, I just wish I had my own bike. And every year, I say "next year." :roll: But I'd love to ride my own bike!! Either a cruiser or a sport bike would be okay with me. Both are lovely. |
| 0 Comments |
| Sometimes I wonder |
| 06.14.05 (3:43 pm) [edit] |
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What life would be like for me (and what I'd look like) if I was raised in Hong Kong or mainland China... I was pointed to this interesting article http://www.wired.com/news/cul...,1284,67842,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_3. Should I consider myself lucky that I have some freedom of speech, or should I believe that everyone should have this freedom? I was poking around in a Chinese CD/DVD store last night. There was no English anywhere, and I felt really lost. I wish traditional Cantonese opera had English subtitles. Perhaps there some out there with what I'm looking for. |
| 7 Comments |
| Blogger's Day |
| 06.14.05 (8:20 am) [edit] |
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I heard it was something like that today... [b]Why did you start blogging, how long have you been doing so, and why have you continued?[/b] I started blogging because I liked reading other people's blogs...the more personal, the better!! I started blogging about 5 years ago. I've just kept moving around. I used to have something going at the page that I told people about, but then some people thought it got too personal, so I moved elsewhere. Then I decided I wanted to keep things more private (yet in a public medium), so I moved again. Then that site sucked (even though my blog was not easily found), so I moved yet again. And now I'm here or possibly ready to move again. I blog because it's a good way for me to let out all my thoughts. Usually it's just a stream of consciousness. Sometimes I want to keep track of what's going on in my life. Blogging helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings. I find it difficult to verbally express myself clearly without sitting down to think first. I get to vent. I get to commemorate happy events. I get to be as girly as I want. Sometimes I want feedback. Often I don't get it :lol: I find that once I express myself in a blog, whatever's on my mind doesn't seem so big anymore. I used to physically write in a journal, but since I spend so much time at a computer, it's just more convenient to type. |
| 23 Comments |
| So relaxed |
| 06.14.05 (7:54 am) [edit] |
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It felt sooo good to sleep last night. I guess I was pretty tired. But I did manage to get in some TV time. I guess I have about 6 hours to go. So now I'm done with Smallville and America's Next Top Model. This morning my run was tough. I don't know if it was because I hadn't run in a while (sprinting at boot camp doesn't count!), but there are only a few more days 'til the relay. Using the iPod belt clip is no good either. I saw my mom last night, too. I guess I did hid my nipples well from her, but she did look me up and down and enviously eyed my outfit. Then she said my purse didn't go with it. If I never had to use a purse, I'd be happy. I hate carrying them. |
| 2 Comments |
| RTFM |
| 06.13.05 (12:04 pm) [edit] |
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If I had to write a manual about myself... I am not sure where I'd start. I'd be titled RAG: Rosie Administrator's Guide But most people don't turn to manuals until they're desperate. |
| 6 Comments |
| Meal #2 |
| 06.13.05 (10:48 am) [edit] |
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Cottage cheese with honey (oops, too much honey), half a yam, and an orange pepper. I think I will start washing all my containers at work. I hate taking so many home, and having to wash them all. Why can't they make plastic containers more dishwasher friendly? Now that I busted my butt to get lots of work done last week, I don't feel that pressure to get on my next bit of work. At least I've printed out some documents to get me started. Tall J took my advice...He really hurt this girl that he really liked, and she told him he was the second worst thing to ever happen to her. He ordered a bouquet of flowers to send to her work. He doesn't seem keen on pursuing her though? I have no idea. He and I didn't talk for a long time, and he's always sent me emails to which I never replied. I didn't see the point of further conversation since I didn't see him in my life anymore, and I felt it would have been silly to just converse with someone locally but never see them again. He's changed so much in the last year. I'm really glad for him. I guess he did get wisftul for a bit while I was gone. If he was the person he is now, things would have been different. I doubt I will see him again even though we talk. That's fine with me now. We have a mutual lack of desire to get together; his lack of desire declined after I told him I was seeing someone. So, the mayor of Vancouver wants marijuana legalised. I'm not so keen on the idea. Decriminalization is enough for me. |
| 2 Comments |
| Orange shoes today |
| 06.13.05 (7:38 am) [edit] |
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I did it again. I set my alarm clock for 6 pm instead of 6 am. Luckily for me, I woke up close to 8 am, but unfortunately, I missed today's boot camp :? And I am still horribly unrefreshed. I think I just need a few nights where I can get 7 straight hours of sleep. And this morning, I started off with following the meal plan. I felt really stuffed by the time I was finishing the food. Now I can't tell if I am getting hungry again or not. Time to do some work. Or pee. Or something. |
| 6 Comments |
| Sunday |
| 06.12.05 (10:37 pm) [edit] |
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The weekend is over, and it seemed to just whiz by. I guess that is what happens when the day starts out late. Now I'm wide awake, and I have to be ready to get be out the door in 6 hours :) I'll go to bed soon. I just felt like updating since I was at my computer. I finally did some really overdue data entry. Now I've forgotten what I was going to say. I was digging around my freezer to see what I had in there. I was hoping I'd find more meat. I feel like making some dinner for the J Man. I feel really guilty that he feeds me all the time. Maybe this coming weekend, if he is up for it. He called me tonight. It was nice to hear from him even though we spent the weekend together. This weekend something came up...conversation-wise...and about me being complicated. Hmm. I've never really thought about that, but I've been told I'm a complex person. There are some people out there that just "get me." Some people just think I build up walls around me, which I do. I'm trying to be more conscious of that kind of stuff, but it can be difficult. I wasn't really upset by being labeled complicated. I think I was more upset that he kind of saw it as a not-so-good thing. And it was probably more upsetting that that he considered not sticking around to get it. Man, I am hungry. I am tired of being friggin' hungry all the time. Hopefully this new food regiment I'm starting will help out. But apparently I should bet getting hungry every 3 hours or so instead of my current 2. |
| 6 Comments |
| Friday |
| 06.10.05 (3:19 pm) [edit] |
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Well, it's Friday afternoon, and I'm waiting for all my online help projects to compile. I pretty much can't do much at my computer while the macros are running. I can't use Word, which is what I need for all my work. Today's gone by in a blur. I didn't do any work until after lunch. Then I went hardcore. A bunch of coworkers and I went out for dim sum for one of the girls in the office. She's hilarious!! Anyway, it was a surprise birthday thing. She's a voluptuous white girl (same age as me), but she really wishes she was a tiny Chinese little thing. :lol: I was thinking lately about telling the J Man it would be okay to read my blog because I had requested he not come by. (Is that all I requested? I can't remember.) So yesterday I told him it'd be okay if he wanted to [read it], but he also revealed to me he had already been reading the entries that someone else was copy and pasting for him. Not that I feeling weird about what I'd already written, but I guess my wishes were somewhat disrespected, and if I think about this some more, I'll probably get mad. And I will probably be less open about certain things I blog about. Or maybe not. I think it just means I'll be cutting down on the men talk...which might leave this blog pretty bare :wink: I had started writing about C in my previous blog entry, but then I had to leave for lunch. For the last while, I've been meaning to tell him I've started seeing someone. Not that he and I were dating again, but he seemed to be showing interest but never said anything directly. I felt like I was being dishonet somehow, and I'd been waiting for a suitable moment to tell him (rather than just blurting it out). Anyway, he just messaged me, and asked me if I was with a guy last night. I guess he made it easier for me, so I told him yes. The last thing I really would have wanted was for him to find out I was seeing someone by him seeing me with someone. I'm sure he'll lay low for a while and then ask me a bunch of questions later. He wants to see my performance that was videoed from last night though. Speaking of videoing, I didn't think the J Man would go looking at old footage either. Even though it was just old Christmas stuff with family, some of the material should just stay with the family!! I still need to get Christmas 2004 transferred over to my video of Christmases. |
| 6 Comments |
| :) |
| 06.10.05 (9:09 am) [edit] |
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Nice to see that tBlog is back... I have no recollection of what I was going to say yesterday. I would've probably mentioned my heartburn from nerves. Last night was my "recital." It went well, I think. Now my left elbow and wrist are killing me. I'll give it a rest until I have to really prepare for my pole dance challenge. I don't know if I am really looking forward to reviewing the video. There were some moves I was going to do but completely forgot about. :oops: Hmm...you tell someone they have my permission to read my blog, and they don't waste much time! This morning's workout was ... normal. The good thing about boot camp so far is that it gets me exercising. Otherwise, I am not finding it very challenging, maybe I'm not pushing myself? Today was legs day. Some of the exercises included lunges (normally I used 12 pound weights but none today), bridging (normally I do a combo set on an exercise ball instead of a bench), and sumo squats while throwing a medicine ball (I've had to throw farther with my trainer and I usually use 20 pound weights doing these squats). The ab exercises tend to irritate my lower back, though. Boot camp is a fun experience so far even though it wasn't what I expected. I mentioned to little G that I wasn't there for the purpose of losing weight, and he asked me why I was there as if what other reason would I be there for... :roll: I"m really hungry right now, but I've found this week that I have not had much appetite. |
| 6 Comments |
| I knew it |
| 06.08.05 (8:49 am) [edit] |
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I knew this week was going to be hairy because of things going on before, during, and after work (that are all completely unrelated to work). I got into work around 9:50 this morning, and it was the earliest I could do even though I woke up at 5:30 this morning. Last night I got my second wind before bed even though I had been exhausted all day, so I probably fell asleep around 12:30. But then I woke up before my alarm clock even went off...that was around 5 am, maybe?! There was a month some time ago when all I could do was sleep 5 hours a night. I hope it's the same thing happening again. The workout starts at 6:45, ends at 7:45, and it takes me half an hour to get home. Then I have to eat and get ready for work. Getting to work takes about 10 - 15 minutes. I was really hopeful that I'd get here by 9:30!! Today's workout was an actual workout. The intensity reminded me of the old workouts I used to do with my trainer. I guess what makes people burn more energy during the boot camp workouts is that the dude gets us to alternate each set of exercises with cardio. Today went something like this: 1. Warmup. 2. 50 jumping jacks. 3. Run one lap around the park. 4. Pushups. 5. 80 jumping jacks. 6. Flys. 7. 80 jumping jacks. 8. Bicep curls. 9. Run to the baseball diamond and back. 10. Tricep dips. 11. 40 jumping jacks. 12. Ab work. 13. Stretch. Each strength exercise was 1 set of do as many as you can in the time allotted. Ugh. I am used to doing 3 sets of 12!! I found the workouts to be just challenging enough. I didn't want to push myself too much considering I'm performing tomorrow, and I have 2 dance sessions after work today. I also have to find time to exchange my weights. Using the frickin' plates is too time-consuming because I had to keep changing them. I'll have to do that Friday after work since I'm going out for lunch Friday :x I'd rather have some better weights for Friday morning, though. And the boot camp guy had someone with him today since he's going to be away for the next several sessions. The guy he had was one of his trainers, and he happened to be a friend's brother's friend. It's different seeing him in this environment, considering all the other times I've seen him, he's been either drunk and/or stoned. Geez, I am starving. I am trying to eat according to this boot camp nutritional guide, but that would take too much time, too. It takes so much time to prepare meals!!! I am going to pick up some whey protein powder too. We got a sample at last night's sports nutrition seminar. It smelled kind of like ass, but it didn't taste ass-y. Maybe it was the soy milk, I don't know. The seminar last night was interesting. I'm still a little iffy on some of the stuff he's saying because it goes against a lot of what I've learned in the past. Eating white rice is not bad. In fact it's great for a source of carbs. Apparently it's no different from brown, wild, or any other kind of rice. I'm not sure I really buy it. Perhaps the medical industry has given into the pharmaceutical industry. But why do doctors suggest people at risk for diabetes cut down on rice and rice products?? I am leaving work early today so I can get to my practice session. Hopefully I can get in early tomorrow because I have to leave even earlier tomorrow. It's just rush-rush-rush! I am looking forward to the weekend. :x |
| 7 Comments |
| Most curious |
| 06.07.05 (3:04 pm) [edit] |
| Just when I started getting used to my daily Ottawian visitors, they've not come by the last couple of days :lol: |
| 2 Comments |
| No makeup this morning |
| 06.07.05 (11:19 am) [edit] |
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I almost forgot I didn't bother wearing any to work today since I was off to see the skin guy. Last year, my skin exploded. I am not really sure why (actually I attributed it to stress and bad feng shui). And after I moved my bed, my skin stopped breaking out. However, the scars have been left behind, which have left lots of family members saying to me "wow! How could you let yourself get like that?!" By no means did I really "let" anything happen, but I probably could have taken better measures sooner. Actually, I did, and the treatments did nothing. I've made an appointment for a similiar kind of treatment, but at a doctor's place. He says that his equipment is stronger than regular aesthetics places...We shall see. I'm going for IPL Photorejuvenation treatments. Hopefully I won't need too many because they're really not part of my budget right now. What these will do is even out my skin tone and lighten up those scars. *sigh* budget. I should follow one. And then there are other treatments available for my other skin probs. I want my old skin back. When I got back to the office, I put my makeup on...underhorrible lighting and no mirrors that are close enough to my face. |
| 2 Comments |
| Worse than hell |
| 06.07.05 (7:11 am) [edit] |
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[url=http://www.tshirthell.com]T-shirt Hell[/url] brought back their most offensive shirts. I'm quite glad. Their reasoning for removing them in the first place was kind of mind-blowing: http://www.tshirthell.com/wor... I do find some of their shirts very offensive. I don't buy them. I just kind of read them and think "ohmigawd." Sometimes I laugh, but that doesn't mean much. Their newsletters are my favourite. They're usually very funny and very well-written. Now, why don't people recycle more? |
| 4 Comments |
| Great morning |
| 06.07.05 (6:33 am) [edit] |
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Well, with my incessant posting yesterday, I feel kind of dorky. But then again, I probably wouldn't feel that way if no one read my blog. Thanks for stopping by, regulars :) My legs are sore today. And my left forearm is sore in a bad way. I just need to preserve my body parts for Thursday. I guess most of the people I've invited are not coming out to see me. Either they're out of town, working, or afraid of not knowing anyone else. After getting home yesterday, I did some dancing and a really late dinner. Lying in my bed felt really good. J and I played a bit of phone tag, but he called back when I was trying to sleep. There wasn't much to say. For someone who's told me he doesn't like verbal sparring, he's sure been saying things that would show otherwise. I don't like it. Maybe I shouldn't feel so badly that I laughed uncontrollably when he told me to think of him as I went to sleep. I was tempted to say something sarcastic, which I would have found funny but have sounded mean...so I didn't say it. He seemed a little peeved when he was hanging up and I was still giggling. I felt kind of bad about it. Oh well. He was the first thing that popped in my head when I woke up. I had a dream that someone had the same shoes that I did. I almost went to work in slippers today. And I forgot to buy milk yesterday, leaving me with a trip to 7-11. They had no 250 mL sizes of skim milk, and it also cost me $1.09. For the twice the price at the supermarket would have yielded me 2L of milk. :x |
| 0 Comments |
| Last post of the day |
| 06.06.05 (5:16 pm) [edit] |
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I was on a complete roll this afternoon. I finished off documenting about 35 fields. Then I noticed that a particular form looks really different now, and will have to spend a lot more time fixing up the online help. And then I started wondering about the structure of the online help. BAH! I am really going to have to pick up the pace on catching up with my work. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it at this point in time. Maybe I should stop slacking off in the mornings. It's hard to be motivated sometimes. I am still stressed. And then J and I had a misunderstanding this afternoon, and it's just added to my frustration. I understand the nature of the software biz. Sometimes, the workload is unbelievable, and then things completely die down where you're looking for things to do. Anyway, he mentioned to me that his workload is looking really heavy for the next two weeks. Of course for purely selfish reasons, I'm not going to be happy about that because it means less time for me :oops: The whole "what about me" thing was eating at me a little bit, but I tried to not think about it too much. It's only two weeks. I am busy too. It's just the way the industry is. On the other hand...it's like...how much does one take before they start to push back? Never? Work first forever? Heavy workload for two weeks...which turns to three weeks...etc. I've known enough guys that put work first and foremost. And then they don't leave their work at work. Being with someone brings out the fleeing Rosie. I'm trying to be level-headed about this. Anyway, I was trying to express that I didn't like knowing that we'd spending less time together, but with the way I said, I guess it didn't come out that way :lol: I got a sarcastic "well, fine...I won't share with you anymore." And after that, I was just too burnt to explain myself or to try to smooth things over. And he was leaving anyway. I think I turn into a basket case most when I don't know about things that are for sure. Like when we parted ways Sunday, I was fine because I knew I'd see him Thursday. Well, at least that was next planned time. Knowing that he has lots of work coming makes me go like..."omigawd,whenwillIseehima gain?WillIevenseehim?DoIw anttobewithsomeonewholive sforwork?" |
| 0 Comments |
| The word is MOMENTUM! |
| 06.06.05 (2:23 pm) [edit] |
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For the life of me, I could not think of that word when I was trying to describe why a spinning pole makes spinning easier. When you have a static pole, you have to create your own momentum for energetic spins!! momentum. momentum. momentum. And today at boot camp, I saw 2 people from my past. There's this woman also participating in the camp with whom I went to school. What I remember about her is that she was a painful person to watch use a computer. She did not know hot keys. And the other guy was the Dean of Arts from my university. I thought he moved. Maybe he came back. At least I think it was him. I think I took of his sociology courses. He was always so open to being available for students. He gave us his home phone number and always allowed us to deliver our essays to his home on the due date. And sometimes a little blood is good. |
| 0 Comments |
| Lemonade |
| 06.06.05 (10:23 am) [edit] |
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In my excitement to make my own special lemonade, I bought some strawberries in syrup last night. I have lemonade mix at home. What do I not have? A PITCHER! So much for making lemonade. |
| 3 Comments |
| R&R |
| 06.06.05 (9:50 am) [edit] |
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Still need it... I woke up at 5:30 this morning and went to my first day of boot camp. I am tired now and want to go back to bed, but it's 10:41 am. All we did was run a mile and do pushups. I guess the real work starts next day. Today was just a measurement so we can compare at the end of the 4 weeks. I spent most of my weekend with the J Man. It was nice for the most part. I was kind of worried that I might have felt like there was too much togetherness. I didn't like being asked if I was going to miss him by the end of the weekend, though. [Man, I am cranky right now. I need sleep. I am hoping my monthly arrives in the next hour. It's usually very predictable, but I have been stressed lately. And I hope my waves of nausea are nothing to worry about!! And this bladder infection isn't fully gone. Ugh.] So this weekend, we went to a dragonboat fundraiser at a lounge. The next morning, I got some measurements taken for my boot camp (height, weight, body composition) and skipped the MINI test drive. I think i would have liked to have done it, but just did not have the will to get to it. Then we went to eat and went to the aquarium. It was okay; I like watching the jellyfish best. The next afternoon, we met up with some people that knew someone that the J Man knew. They were a nice bunch of people. Apparently I look like a mix of some sort instead of 100% Chinese. So...a couple of things that came up this weekend that have been on mind a little. The J Man has kind of touched on his aversion to having his photo taken, and it's driving me nuts as for the reason. I was really surprised when he was in some pics from P's birthday, and I was thinking, "okay, cool. And wow, he didn't run off." And at the aquarium, people now take your photo as soon as enter. If you like the photos, you can buy them. So the J Man kind of half heartedly participated. Right after, he was like, "I looked off to the side." I thought, "gee, thanks." So anyway, I bought the photo, much to his... displeasure, putting it mildly. I didn't think it was a great photo, but I wanted one because it had the two of us in it. First off, I don't usually want photos of me and guys I'm dating because I try not to accumulate too much memorabilia in the beginning so I am not left with reminders when they're out of my life. So for me to even buy a ripoff of a photo meant a little something to me. Second off, to me, it's just a photo. He keeps complaining about the way he looks in them when I think he looks perfectly fine. He smiles. He looks happy. What is the deal? So I don't know if it's a vanity thing for him or if it's some deeper traumatic experience. And since he's not comfortable telling me the whole story behind this, I'll just keep being frustrated. And this behaviour reminds me so much of my dad --I hate it. Father's Day is coming up. I am not looking forward to it. So the other thing that's come up...with a particular person reading my blog. She's going to read this anyway. I guess it's kind of fine, but it's kind of embarrassing for me when I have so many dorky ramblings about the J Man. And on one occasion I know of, she's mentioned something to him that I posted. (So, hello A...). I had thought about whether I'd change the way I wrote...and I won't. Low-fat cottage cheese is not very good. I will have to stick with 1% or 2% MF. And on Saturday, I had a practice session at the club. The spinning pole is sooo much fun! The stage is kind of tiny, so I need to work on doing upright stuff like walking and turning, etc. I am nervous!! I have another session Wednesday, and then Thursday is the big day!! |
| 2 Comments |
| I am tense |
| 06.03.05 (2:46 pm) [edit] |
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First I had butterflies in my stomach. Now I have that stressed out heartburn feeling. What is causing this? I'm: 1. Worried about dancing. 2. Worried about boot camp. 3. Worried about work deadlines. 4. Trying to figure out boundaries and roles and status with the J Man. Even thinking about tomorrow is stressing me out. I've done a lot of casual dating over the last few years. so I'm really rusty at considering someone else. I'm probably thinking too much again when things will probably just come to light on their own :roll: It's like... Am I supposed to assume we'll get together on the weekends? How often? Am I supposed to consider plans with him first? Is it too early to be making plans that would include the both of us?? I already felt like a dolt inviting myself to some friend of his who's supposed to be having a birthday party. :oops: It's kind of why statuses are important to me, so I know how to be. I have no sense of what's acceptable/not acceptable if left to my own devices. |
| 8 Comments |
| Progress |
| 06.03.05 (9:12 am) [edit] |
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Well, I've learned a warm, slippery pole is no good. I need that good grip. Anyhow, I'm glad my elbow isn't really in pain today after last night's practice. My wrist is a little sore, though. Even though that area of pain is more common in others, I've not experienced it. I couldn't tell if my neighbours were watching me practise. Hmm. I feel more comfortable now that I've done more practising of my routine. Now I'm just going to play my 2 songs to death. There's a practice session at the club tomorrow. *nerves* I hate PMSing. I wish it were Monday already. I keep getting waves of nausea wash over me. I hope it's just my body getting over the antibiotics (still?!). I'm trying to semi-low with the J Man because I'm afraid I'm going to say or do something I'm going to regret. We didn't talk on the phone last night, and it didn't really bother me. I didn't feel like calling, and obviously, he didn't feel like calling either. I can't recall me being the type who has to be talking to her guy all the time. But I think I am the type where if I don't get an adequate amount of attention, I get distracted (or maybe even somewhat ticked off and vengeful? :eek: ). I think what's bothering me more is that I mentioned to him that he didn't call me, and he said he wondered if that would have been a problem. In my mind, it's "wonder?? That's it??!" I want my head back!! :lol: |
| 7 Comments |
| So tired |
| 06.02.05 (11:00 am) [edit] |
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Bedtime was quite early last night, but I kept waking up. I think it was from the heat and that I kept thinking that I'd have to wake up soon. I think I switched between light sleep and weird-ass dream sleep. *yawn* Hopefully I can be somewhat productive tonight and yet go to sleep early. I think this may mean another night of TV-lessness. I definitely have to dance. The show is only a week away. :cry: |
| 2 Comments |
| I want to disrobe |
| 06.01.05 (11:43 am) [edit] |
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It's getting too warm in the office but I can't take off my sweater because I'm in a tank top! Why does the weather play such tricks on me?? Edit: And you know, there is something off about the time. According to tBlog, my entry was posted at 1:43 pm, but it's only 1:06 pm right now. |
| 5 Comments |
| Stilettos |
| 06.01.05 (8:42 am) [edit] |
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I got some new shoes on the weekend, and I've brought them to work, hoping to break them in. Unfortunately I cannot sit in them because my knees would end up hitting my keyboard tray. I will have to change into them whenever I leave my desk. I'm not so used to wearing such skinny heels. Even my other platforms have a chunkier heel, but I'd much rather wear these current shoes next Thursday. Just thinking about doing a performance right makes my stomach turn. I need to practise!! I did not wake up refreshed this morning. I hope it's PMS and not just me still adjusting to the weird sleeping patterns as of late. I woke up kind of missing the J Man. I hate when I get like that. Sometimes I worry about conversation drying up, and that this current attraction is just chemistry. I could just sit around in his arms and not say anything and still be really happy and comfy. I hope that's normal. But we have fun together. Time to stop thinking. PMS is not a time for thinking. After work yesterday, I went by Paula's to say bye...I can't believe she leaves today!! She was so nervous. Carrie, Erin, and I tried to keep her calm. Then Erin and I hung out at Carrie's for a bit. Seems like the people who met the J Man think he's a really nice guy, which he is. Then I started thinking about whether I've really taken into account how much my friends like the guys I date -- not really. None of them liked the P Man, but that didn't stop me. Same thing with a previous J Man. |
| 8 Comments |
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