RosieTulips' blog


Blog For Free!

Archives
Home
2008 July
2008 June
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
2007 July
2007 June
2007 May
2007 April
2007 March
2007 February
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 July
2006 June
2006 May
2006 April
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
2003 November

My Links
My Photoblog
100 Things About me
My flickr stuff
Are you here?

tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images


Sponsored
Blog
Let the weekend begin!!
07.29.05 (11:42 am)   [edit]
We were told we could go home now :D
So once I finish off this one little thing, I am outta here!! I will go home and get my shizzle ready for tonight and the rest of the weekend!!

Man, I love long weekends. It's BC Day on Monday.

There were some hybrid sandal/shoes that I wanted when I saw my photography instructor wear them. I found them today, and purchased them. They weren't my first choice of colour, but oh well. Then I picked up some more stuff for the J Man's birthday.

I guess I will just have to update on the stuff I got him after the weekend.

I was really tempted (again) to get the Juicy Dessert set of whatever they call it when I walked by the Lancome counter. If it wasn't going to be for me, it would have been for Tara. I'll just wait and see. Those Juicy tubes are quite fun.

I also threw out one of my Stila smudge pots. They're great when they're fresh, but mine isn't even a year old, and it's too dried up to use anymore -- even if I follow their tips and tricks.

While I was driving back to the office, I started thinking about calculus. What is the point of finding a derivative of a function again? Is it to find the slope of its curve? The way it looks???

My math brain went out the window. I also booked some bus tickets but only I was 50% off. Oops.
5 Comments
 
YEAH!
07.29.05 (7:47 am)   [edit]
I'm all caught up on Big Brother 6!! I got three hours of it yesterday. It's finally getting good!!!! I wonder if Ivette got that ionic straightening perm. She has awesome hair. I wonder if the Houseguests are bored yet. All we get to see is 3 selected hours (not even) of their week each week. Some of the contestants aren't getting a lot of air time since CBS is only showing the most dramatic parts of all.

So I was up late again last night. I think I need to take only one good photo for my homework. Last night I transferred about a hundred photos to my computer. Most of them were of fireworks. I think I might have had one or two good fireworks shots? :lol: The J Man and I went to the first night of the "Celebration of Light" a couple of nights ago. It's a fireworks competition they have here every year. I hope this event stays around for a while. Every year or two, they talk about cancelling it because it's so costly to have.

The show was great. Some of the music sent shivers up my spine. It's so much better to watch the fireworks going along to some music. I got bored of fireworks for a while since they always seemed the same to me. So yeah, music works well :)

Looks like I won't be staying late at work today. I'm soooo glad. My deadline is today, and right now I'm just compiling all our help projects and doing some cleanup. I might even get a chance to slink away around lunch time to run some errands -- ah, the good ol' days.
0 Comments
 
Back to work
07.28.05 (4:22 pm)   [edit]
I came back after my pedicure. I didn't think I'd stay so long.
Now I am starving, but at least I got a lot accomplished.

With that comes less time for birthday present prep. I guess I can't do it all. But I'm going to try.
0 Comments
 
Man
07.28.05 (10:23 am)   [edit]
She really gets my goat.
At this point, I can't stand her.
Who the hell does she think she is?
It's all too easy to be snide when you don't really know someone, isn't it.
3 Comments
 
*eyes roll*
07.28.05 (9:41 am)   [edit]
In my last post, I hmmed. I was hmming from looking at my stats again. I can't even think of the word I'm looking for, but it's another feeling word.

I do feel a little weird that the J Man's friends read my blog. But it's even more weird to me when I see one of their hits...and then half an hour later...his hit...or vice versa.

I recently posted about his clothing attire. I probably wasn't in the best of moods or something -- I don't remember. But I was very blunt about it. He called it catty. If "strangers," as he calls them, couldn't read my blog, would it still be cattiness? I'm still writing to myself here. A friend of mine said I was really harsh. I wrote it and did not think about it again. Would it have been better to post pictures and let others be the judge? (Rhetorical, cheeky question)

On the weekend, the J Man and I got into a stupid .... I don't know what to call it. We weren't arguing. There wasn't a fight. It was a bump. I blogged about it. He blogged about it. I responded to his blog. *Then* he read my blog, and felt he had to come here for answers (how 21st century...and kind of ... wrong -- only because some things are better to be heard first). He still thinks he had to read my blog when I essentially already explained everything to him before he read up on it. So the answers were given to him before he even had to do his own research.

The phone probably would have been faster, too...so for him to say he had to read my blog to get some answers does rub me the wrong way.

And I get the impression he was waiting around for me to call him that night even though that in my direct writing to him, I had already told him I had been out.

I don't know why I am even writing about this now because it was in the past. He and I talked it out. I would rather move forward. I guess I just got a little riled up again because I read the update he posted.

I had thought about responding there, but decided to not bother. There are 3 sides to our story. I'll leave my side out over there; I don't think he'd want it there anyway.

But this is what I'd want to tell him [he'll probably find out anyway]:

1. Yes, both our perceptions of the day's events completely differed from one another's. I was mad about shopping. You were mad about the silence and took it mean you might have been dumped.

2. I asked you what you wanted on our chat agenda. You offered no items, and then you asked me what I wanted on the agenda, so I threw in a couple of things. I can't remember what I said, but I can't imagine me pinning everything on you. Quite frankly, I was more concerned about your repeated thoughts about wanting to dump me since we had already blogged about and IMed about Sunday. I felt like we had already talked it to death.

3. My issue was not that you weren't enthusiastic about clothes I picked out -- far from it. I felt the things I picked out were things you might consider wearing (plain/single coloured and textured shirts, straight leg bottoms , 34/34. The only thing I asked before grabbing you anything was your waist size.). It was your obnoxious attitude towards clothes, in general, and I could not see the big deal. It's just clothes.

/*end comment */

Clothes shopping with guys (or anyone for that matter) is already one of my least favourite activities. I'm not into the whole "I'm going to dress up my guy the way I want him to look." Even if I don't like his clothing style, it's *his*. If I do shop for a guy, I just stick with stuff similiar to what he already wears.

I like the skater look. I dislike belts. I like when a guy doesn't look too casual. I have yet to convince a guy to get a Prince Albert or other piercings. They can leave out the tongue and ears, but mm...everything else.

He told me about his readership of his blogs...how they're all so quick to be sympathic to whatever the issue is. It's great if you want moral support. It makes me think of a mob mentality, though, or the witch burnings of Salem. At least you know they're loyal.

Okay, I'm going to stop writing about that shopping trip now. If I ever post about it again, punish me.
2 Comments
 
Hmm
07.28.05 (7:58 am)   [edit]
...
0 Comments
 
HELLO? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
07.27.05 (12:01 pm)   [edit]
One of my biggest pet peeves when my mom calls me on the phone is that she says "what? I can't hear you. What? What?" A LOT. Not only that, but she doesn't stop repeating herself to give me a chance to say something. If I'm not saying anything, of course she's not going to hear anything else either. BWAHAHAHA

I already hate being on the phone in public. But to have me yell so she can hear makes me really uncomfortable. Usually I would rather just hang up and have her call me back when she is somewhere quieter.

I especially don't want to be yelling in Chinese when I'm at work. Or anywhere where other people don't understand me.

And when I am on my cell phone, I like my conversations to be really short. Talking on my cell phone leaves me gimpy. It's too small for me to squish between my ear and shoulder, so I have to hold it. And if I'm answering my cell phone, it means I'm not at home and in the middle of something.

Speaking of cell phones, my dad got rid of his landline. I decided to call him last night and say hello.

I asked him if he'd been using his new computer, and he said no. I can see him burning a CD now and then, but I figured he wanted to be on the Internet. I definitely can't see him gaming or doing word processing. Now he says it's too expensive to pay for a cable package that includes TV and Internet. :roll: I can just see his computer collecting dust. That's why I wanted to give him something cheap so he wouldn't waste his money. Oh well.

At least he seemed happy to hear from me! :P
0 Comments
 
Hump Day
07.27.05 (7:55 am)   [edit]
Is it really only Wednesday? Ugh.

I was up late again last night; I guess that makes 3 nights in a row. My right wrist is really sore from me working at my computer with pretty much no breaks for the past couple of weeks. In fact, it's feeling a little numb. At least I am only going to have to put up with this for another week or so.

I hate my bedside clock. I wish the buttons were better designed. Often when I set the alarm clock time, I accidentally move the clock forward as well. When I jumped out of bed at 9:15 am, it was actually only 8:08 am. I ended up doing some photography homework and went back to bed to rest my eyes.

I have just under two weeks to finish off the rest of my assignments. I still have to get a panning shot, maybe a backlit shot, and a mood shot. Photography is hard!!

I got my hands on the latest Harry Potter. I've been requested to return it asap. I'm going to do my best!!

So much to do in the next couple of days!! I've been trying to get stuff together for the J Man's birthday, but it's been a challenge because of work. And unfortunately, I can't even blog about his birthday stuff. :x I told the tall J Man one of the things, and he was like "I could have used one of those." BWAHAHAA
0 Comments
 
Spoilers
07.26.05 (11:09 am)   [edit]
I seriously hate them. I hate knowing anything about a movie before I see it.

We saw [u]Wedding Crashers[/u] on the weekend, and before the movie started, there was some trivia game put on by the movie theatre people. To get a poster, someone from the audience had to name some actors in the movie. Of course this one idiot gave away a cameo appearance. :x

And then today, I was listening to Rob Schneider on the radio about Deuce Bigalow 2, and *he* gave away part of the plot! :x I saw a trailer for this movie, and the movie looked kind of dumb. But good ol' Rob was like, "if you enjoyed the first one, you'll really like this one." I think they use a lot of the same kind of jokes. And I really enjoyed the first one. But ugh, I can't believe he told everyone what happened to some of the characters from the first movie, and he was describing some of the jokes that they used.

This morning, I broke a tape...not just any tape. I wouldn't have minded if it was my usual Big Brother 6 tape. But no...this was my Season 5 of Six Feet Under. I think that was 5 or 6 episodes right there, and I'd watched NONE of it :cry: NONE!! So do I start taping now in the middle of the season or do I wait until the reruns??!
7 Comments
 
Let's pay to talk about blogging
07.26.05 (11:01 am)   [edit]
I got a catalogue of courses in the mail yesterday. I think there are mistakes in the ToC. How ironic for the Writing and Publishing program.

Anyway, there's a half day seminar about blogging -- whether it's a new medium or new genre. That got me thinking about the different kinds of blogs and how people treat blogs. Is blogging a new medium or a new genre? I write like it's a new medium.

One thing I don't think the J Man and I will see eye-to-eye on is blog audience. He writes as if anyone and everyone will read it. I write as if nobody will read it [well, to a point. I am aware I have regular readers, but I don't think too much about who they are.]. My blog is my outlet and it's a place for me to work things out. I was never one to do mind maps for school. Ugh. Too many lines connecting to bubbles and you just get a big mess!!

I'm aware this particular blog can be found in searches when you search for my username. I think people in the real world who knew me wouldn't search using "rosietulips" because I don't talk about my e-life. I feel so geeky to say this but I've made friendships in different places on the Internet. I think "regular" people would just search for me using my real name. So I do get weirded out when people search me out, looking for "rosietulips" or "rosietulips blog." I consider myself fairly insignificant, which is why I ask, "who the hell is searching for me and what do they want" every time someone new does. By the time they're a regular and I don't know who they are, then I still wonder but shrug it off.

One day when I was working at a clothing store, I had someone come up to the till, and ask me ... for me. I had no idea who the person was. But it was some guy that knew of me from the Internet. I told him the person he was looking for wasn't working at the moment, and he left. Afterwards, he told me he went looking for me. I pretended to be surprised. I stopped talking to him after that.

So, I do tend to spill my guts here [The J Man didn't like that I divulged stuff about his undies. "You're telling strangers about my underwear." I was stating my opinions :p ]. My blog is my repository on things I can look back on later on. My memory on certain details isn't that great!!

He also felt that in order to get to the bottom of our disagreement on Sunday, he had to read up about it on my blog to get any answers from me. That didn't really sit all that well with me. For one, by the time he had read it, I had already typed something directly to him elsewhere. Two, I've already said this blog is for me, and it's an outlet. Maybe it's better to treat my blog as a work of fiction.

He also wrote about our disagreement. And I responded to all his points right at his blog; and my comments, which by the way took about an hour and a half to write, will probably never come out to the public eye. However, knowing what he has come to expect of his audience, it made me feel that he was writing to get some sort of reassurance that he was an okay guy and that I'm some sort of freakshow. He described what happened in his eyes, but focused more on how rejected he felt and ended with comtemplating dumping me. So he did get a little bit of advice about dumping me.

Not a very classy ending, in my eyes. Why? Because his audience is everyone, which would include me. And not a very classy way to dump someone after 3 months of more than just casual dates. "I'll just mail her stuff to her." :roll:

It's like Janelle dumping her boyfriend on Big Brother 6. I thought that was pretty classless, too. And speaking of Janelle, I didn't think such golddiggers existed.

So...both of us blogged when our emotions were high (well, I can't really speak for him, but mine were nice and fresh!!). Last night we met up to talk things out (ugh, talking...gotta be done, I guess) since we started hashing things out through IM, which was ridiculous. Not only did I stop working completely, but we were going around in circles. IM is not a good medium if you need to express emotion.

We were upset over different things. He over my "coldness" and I over his shopping behaviour (yes, yes...he thought shopping was going swimmingly because I was being active in clothes selection.) Speaking of shopping with him, I didn't know it was a pass/fail test. It's a pass if he ends up buying clothes even though the point of shopping is to see how we "work" together. We didn't end up buying anything. As for the process, he didn't make it easy. It was definitely a pop quiz. Not very fair.

Replace shopping with the J Man with basket weaving, and this is how I feel about being tested.

"Here, today we're going to test you on basket weaving!"
"But I've never woven a basket before."
"Well, I've told you the basics: you weave. And you know what the end product is: a basket. Now get to it!"
"Okay, I'll try, but I've never done basket weaving before."
... time passes ...
"Geez, WTF do you think you're doing?"
"I don't know. I'm not getting anywhere with this. I've never done this before. I give up."
"You should have known how to weave the perfect basket! You fail. Basket weaving for you will be like this forever. And since you failed at basket weaving, you'll fail all tests, too."

Okay, maybe that was getting a little dramatic, but my point is that basing a major aspect of something on a first time experience is not necessarily indicative of everything. I would have used that first shopping trip to know better for next time. Sometimes the lessons learned from the process is more important than the end result.

Things got a little heated when we tried to iron out some stuff. But we came up with some ideas on how to deal with situations when I get mad and quiet. I'm not even sure what a good solution would be.

But for now, he'll give me as much time and space as he can when he asks "what's wrong" and I say "nothing I want to talk about yet." Then when he can't take it anymore he'll have to say, with a smile, "I don't know what's going on." And then there were variations on actions for me to take. But the point is for me to either give him a hint, be a little more agreeable if it's not personal, and give him reassurance that he is still wanted.

It took a long time for us to think of that. It wasn't easy. In the back of mind was the flashing "he wanted to dump you. He wanted to dump you." I know he's wanted to before, and not that I'm wishing for it to happen, but every time I find out this kind of news, it just makes me wonder why he just didn't do it. Am I supposed to be wondering every day if I am going to do something wrong? Am I supposed to help him along? That was a rhetorical question. The answer is no.

I've always been the one to flee at the first sign of trouble. It's only been the last couple of years where I've been less quick to dump someone. And back then, I wouldn't allow myself to get too close. I never left things at guys' places nor would I stay over (well, with the D Man, I kept everything kept in a box and hidden away). There've been enough shocked faces with "you're leaving now?!" My best friend T jokes about it, still. People used to tell me they'd get all confused by the different guys coming and going.

Speaking of T, sometimes I wonder if she's known I've changed a little. It's tough having your best friend far away. Recently, she told me she thinks I need a man's man, but she's never been able to pinpoint a certain type for me. I associate man's men with being a little surly, sexist, and dumb. I can't deal with dumb or sexist. Then I started thinking how every guy I've told her about usually results in "dump him. I don't think you're a good match" or "you could do better." One thing she said about me and the J Man kind of troubled me though.

"Since being with him you've sort of fallen off the face of the earth, and even though it seems you are putting a lot of energy into the relationship it doesn't seem that healthy...." She has nothing against him...thinks he might be a little soft for me.

I think what we (the J Man and I) need to work on most is our communication. We're either having a really great time together or a really sucky time when we have a disagreement since things tend to grow big over something small. I don't think we even fight that much, but we do it too much for his liking.

But when it comes to fighting, am I being too simplistic or am I being optimistic to think that a fight is not the end of the world? I just think we can work through one and learn from it. Maybe it's just because I have a long-term view. He, on the other hand, is at the "let's see where things go" stage which results in a lot of analysing and rating the different times we spend together. I don't know if the weightings are the same.

One thing that bothered me was his attitude about this upcoming weekend. Mind you, our conversation was late, and we were both tired, which isn't so great for the nerves. We've booked a hotel for a getaway for this weekend, which is a long one. We had been really looking forward to it. But last night, he was like, "well, if we're going to fight again, I don't want to go." My jaw dropped.

*Great* attitude, there. I can understand not wanting to experience another disagreement. But since I can't predict what the weekend is going to be like, I would assume we'd have a good time. Like I said, I don't think we fight all that much, and I sure don't expect to be fighting. Sometimes I wonder if he even looks at the big picture. I told him that by dating him I've learned what it's like to date me -- at least the old me.

One reason why "seeing where things go" doesn't work for me is because I tend to look for the next best thing if I don't feel I already have it. So if I don't put my heart into things, the guy (generally speaking and not a J Man reference) is pretty much toast. I put in very little effort. But I know what I want, which is why I even try putting in energy. I'm glad some people notice.
0 Comments
 
4 hours
07.25.05 (8:30 am)   [edit]
It's just not enough for sleep. I'm even having tea today. Bring on the jitters!!

My tea tasted funny. It was Lipton, which I really like (next to Red Rose), but I used sweetened condensed milk instead of milk and sugar. Maybe that was my problem.
4 Comments
 
Disagreements with men
07.25.05 (12:28 am)   [edit]
What I've noticed from observation and participating in men/women disagreements is that often both sexes are talking about two completely different things even though they're related to the same situation.

That whole post I wrote about the shopping trip -- well, I read the other side of the story. My beef was the shopping. His beef was the "silent treatment."

I wrote some commentary back to him. I hope that was okay.

I'm so damned tired right now. I was all prepared to get up early tomorrow, too.
0 Comments
 
Man, what a dinner
07.24.05 (9:05 pm)   [edit]
We obviously weren't there for the food! I ordered some what I thought would be delicious rib eye steak. Good steak doesn't need sauce!! But this steak was not flavourful at all, and the sauce helped.

But the point of the evening was to show some support for a couple of family friends. This couple joined some singing club or something, and it was a night where the members got to perform. They were all really good. I think there must have been about 5-7 songs in English?? The rest were all in mandarin. I have no idea what they were singing, but the best part about music is that you don't really have to understand the words :)

When the husband sang his second piece, I was thinking...maybe he should go into opera. Then he ended up singing Con te Partiro. The way Andrea Bocelli sings it sends shivers up my spine. It's definitely one of my favourite songs. Mmm...opera.

After I came home, I started photographying moving water. I figured it'd be a good subject for one of my assignments. I'm going to look at my results and then watch some Big Brother and go to bed! Man, photography is hard.
2 Comments
 
All set
07.24.05 (3:58 pm)   [edit]
I was happily typing away here when a friend showed me a link. I didn't realise my settings had me opening links in my current window...so I lost the few sentences that I had already typed.

I am waiting around before I have to go out for dinner. I am exhausted. I think walking around a mall aimlessly does that.

The J Man and I were going to do some clothes shopping for him, but that kind of took a downturn. Maybe it would have been better if I treated the trip as me being there to offer a second opinion.

I already know he has really simple tastes, but I didn't realise he'd be so closed-minded to anything else, i.e., my suggestions. He'd hardly even humour me, so I got pissed off. I didn't even bother making any more suggestions after that one trip to the fitting room. I just wondered if there'd be even any point to telling him what I liked when he'd just automatically shoot it down. I wasn't purposely choosing things that I thought he'd dislike, I was choosing things that I thought would look good on him. I get some inspiration from What Not to Wear :lol:

So...this is what I've come up with. He and I have different tastes in his clothes, and since he's the one wearing his clothes, I will say no more. I'll offer an opinion if asked, but that is where I am drawing the line. Is that being stupid? I don't think so.

He didn't like when I called his shirt collar ratty :oops: But just about all his clothes are really old and worn and falling apart. There's nothing wrong with telling it like it is, right? If he's not embarrassed to wear clothes that are falling apart, he can at least admit that they are. His underwear is worn thin and stretched out, and a lot of his collars are frayed and coming apart. Some pant legs have become flood pants, and many buttons have fallen off.

Personally, I'm thrilled that men's fashion has become more fun with patterns and more than just a single shade of black, grey, or blue. And khaki for pants. I think men's fashion has become less boring over the past couple of years. I like a little excitement, and I like clothes that fit properly and accentuate the bod.

One thing that my best friend said to me about the J Man was, "he looks kind of like your type -- tall and white -- but not as stocky as usual. :lol: I saw an older picture of the J Man, and he was definitely stockier *drool* Now I think he is on the slim side, but I don't think he even sees that. He sees flab. His image of himself worries me.

And when we parted ways today, it was ... upsetting to me. Yes, I was mad at the shopping experience, and he was just reacting to me, I know. But I don't like parting on a cold note. It didn't mean I cared any less about him. *sigh* And it was awkward saying, bye, too. Ugh.

I'm going for dinner now. And I'm still full from breakfast that I had 4 hours ago. BLEH!!
0 Comments
 
So hairy
07.22.05 (6:32 pm)   [edit]
Well, it's been a tedious few days. I've been working like a madwoman and ignoring the rest of life. (I've missed reading blogs, and I'll get back to unanswered comments soon!)

I'm about to leave the office; I've been here about 12 hours today, but I did document 200 fields. I did almost the same amount yesterday.

It's past 9:30, and I'm going to drop by to see the familiy. So much for having dinner with them!
4 Comments
 
Things are better
07.21.05 (8:27 am)   [edit]
My work deadline has been extended a bit. I feel less pressure, but I still want to finish asap. There are things outside of work that I need to tend to!

More time = meatloaf muffin making time tonight, too. And I'll even see the relatives. (That was a long post yesterday...I must say family is very important to me, and I do as much as I can when it comes to seeing some of them. That's why it was just more pressure to fit everyone in.)

The P Man called yesterday while I was picking up some dinner, and he even left a message. I am still baffled by his desire to remain in contact with me, but the mercury retrograde has started :P He called me while he was on his way to a bar. Shouldn't there come a time when life is more than just partying?

I saw the J Man last night, too. We just relaxed. Both of us worked late last night and were pretty tired. Work was on his mind a lot last night. When I saw him, he was telling me about his latest project, and then later on, he showed me some of the stuff he was working on, which was really cool.

Lovely [url=http://bobbyjoe.tblog.com]BobbyJoe[/url] reviewed my blog :) That made me warm and tingly inside. He tends to read blogs that are so eloquently written and aren't so diary-like, so I was kind of surprised!! Anyway, I always read his blog as it tends to be frank and entertaining. I still think he wears flannel.
4 Comments
 
Exhausted!
07.20.05 (12:47 pm)   [edit]
It was a late night last night.

I went to my frickin' family dinner. Neither of my parents went. My mom doesn't want to go to anything that involves my dad's family. Not that she hates them or anything, but she feels it would be less awkward, and she doesn't want to see my dad either. And my dad claimed to have forgotten he was teaching that night, so he wasn't there either.

So it was two pairs of aunts and uncles and some friends of my Aunt #8 at dinner. Uncle and Aunt #8 were in town for a day, they were the ones who invited everyone for dinner.

I love seeing family and all, but I've been just so stressed, right...and I'm just trying to do everything I need to do for my own sanity.

And Uncle #8 is kind of pervy. Maybe his actions are innocent, but I've always felt kind of icky being around him.

So yesterday, I knew dinner was going to be for 8:15 pm (man, so late. I was hoping it would be earlier so I could maximize my J Man time. The restaurant is less than 10 minutes away from his place.). I worked as late as possible, but still giving myselt some time to get ready.

As I was about to jump in the shower, my aunt #8 called under "Private number," so I didn't answer. Turns out she left a message on my cell phone, which I didn't get until I was about to leave for dinner. She had wanted to get together for a "chat." When I saw her at dinner, she asked me if I had just come from work [because why else would I miss her call?].

After dinner at about 10:15, she suggested going for coffee. :roll: When I told her I had plans already, she tried to put a guilt trip on me. "I'm in town for a day, and you can't even spare some time for me?!" I knew I was saying things that would piss her off like ... "I already came to dinner," "you should have given me more notice." Then my other aunt chimed in saying how thoughtless I was for not even inviting them over to my place.

So...it's okay to go out on a weeknight for coffee with an aunt but not so okay to have other plans.
Asking me to dinner a week in advance gives my aunt priority over my time on how to spend it before or after dinner? Right.

Anyhow, I feel she only wanted to get some time alone with me so she could grill me about my dad. I was clearly annoyed by her questions. "Is he still depressed?! So is that woman gone for good? Does he want people phoning him? What happened to his phone number?"

I gave her his phone number, and told her to ask him what she wanted to know herself. "But... but I am not supposed to know these things!" So how could I not get annoyed? My dad's constantly complaining to me that all his sisters "gossip" about him. Is it really gossip when it comes to family? I don't know. Aunt #8 was complaining about how Aunt #9 spent soooo much money on finding a naturopath and accupuncturist for her cat at the dinner table. Of course Aunt #9 was not present.

Aunt #8 is always the one that pissed me off about my parents' business. Whenever some event would come up, she'd have something to say to me. "I hear the house got sold. I'm so sorry to hear it. I guess it really means it's over." "Merry Christmas. How sad that it is your parents' first Christmas apart." It's lovely how she assumed I'd feel the same and empathise with her. But she wasn't the one who had to endure the years of yelling and fear and having a parent or two drag you into their squabbles. Maybe she would have enjoyed being in the middle. All the people who tried to "help" had good intentions, but offering an ear would have been better than trying to offer a hand with their suggestions.

My mom always told me it was different in their generation and that you were a real failure if you couldn't keep your marriage together. I just can't imagine why I would try so hard to keep a husband who did not value me (the only compliment I ever heard my dad give my mom was that she kept the house clean), lied, and cheated. When my dad first moved out, they suggested she persuade him to come back or at least bring him some of her cooking.

Anyway...I'm going off track a little here...

I really dislike how people in my parents' generation don't understand my inability for spontaneity and that everything requires advanced planning. They get so offended when I am busy, and they can't imagine what I could be doing to be busy. :roll: My dad's constantly complaining about how bored he is. The TV is his best friend, but even with that, "there's nothing on TV anymore." Nobody believes me when I tell them I am busy, and they think I'm just trying to avoid them.

So after dinner, I called my mom to vent a little about how my aunts were giving me a hard time about this and that. First she asked me if I was going to swing by to pick up some soup. I told her I wasn't going home, which got me another hard time. "Why are you going there again? What are you going to do about showering? Washing your face? Tomorrow's lunch?"

Then when I told her I didn't have time before or after dinner to hang out with Aunt #8, she said, "well, you should have known! Of course you're supposed to allot a lot of time for out of town relatives. No wonder everyone says you're inconsiderate. You haven't even invited people over to your place yet, and you've been living there for so long!" Yeah, it's been almost a year. The place is a mess, and it's not all furnished, and there are boxes left to unpack."

And when I said it was already a lot for me to make time for dinner, she suggested I see less of the J Man. I told her if I wasn't going to dinner, I'd be working. "Why do you have to see him after dinner?" I could not enable her to understand that by seeing him after dinner, I was maximising my time.

I also mentioned that I might not see everyone for dinner Thursday and Friday because of work. "What? These people are coming from out of town, and you can't even have dinner?" No matter that they're here for weeks, that I will be less busy next week, and that we see each other 2 times a year.

Then she asked about the soup again, but this time was, "so do you want the soup or what?" I told her no, which got me a "what!?" I was like, "I don't want it."

She kept nattering on, so I hung up on her.

Finally, I got to the J Man's place close to 10:30. It was so good to see him; it felt like it had been a while. We sat out on the balcony for a bit and then partied a bit. It was hard waking up this morning. I am still sleepy, and it's almost 4 pm.
7 Comments
 
I want my life back
07.19.05 (7:06 am)   [edit]
You're supposed to say "no" when life gets too overwhelming, right? So who do you say no to? Work? Family? Or friends you rarely get a chance to see?

My plan was to work as much as possible this week towards my deadline, which is on Monday. I made a hair appointment for Saturday morning. This was all decided last week.

So...relatives are in town for one day today, which means a family dinner tonight. More relatives are flying in Thursday, which means a family dinner. I may actually have to skip that one if we're also getting together Friday. Friday, I've been invited to one going away thing and another barbeque. Sunday, a cousin from out of town is dropping in and plans to invited family for dinner. Meanwhile, he'd like to get together with me before dinner.

And then today I was invited to a birthday barbeque for Saturday evening. I told them I would try to go even though I am leaning on the side of not going. If I go to this event, I can at least get some stuff back. One friend who helped my purchase my keyboard still has it, and it's been months. Another friend who's borrowed some tapes from me can return them to me. It's been a couple of years since he's had them.

I actually *want* to spend time with the J Man. My original plan was to spend Saturday and Sunday. We'd decided to keep Fridays to ourselves, which is why I tried to make my hair appointment for as early as possible on Saturday.

And bringing him to any of these events is not an option. I'm not ready for him to meet my dad's side of the family. They'd eat him alive, so I don't even want them knowing I'm dating anyone. The other people are more like casual acquaintances.

I dunno. We'll see. There is plenty of time for him to get to know my other relatives from my mom's side of the family. They're here for about a month.

Then there are friends who keep asking me when I get together. And I wasn't even joking when I told them August back in June. *sigh* There's just not room for spontaneity!

It used to piss me off when people would ask me within the week to get together, and I'd have plans, and they'd end up saying "you're always busy!" And then those are the same people who don't like to plan in advance because they'd rather be "spontaneous."

I think Tara is booking our flights today!! I will be excited to be there!! I am not excited about paying for the trip or being away from the J Man. It'll be like 3 weeks!!

P.S. What I would really like is a week where I can just do nothing. I have a week booked off in August. My family and I were going to go somewhere, but now maybe we won't end up going anywhere. I would totally take advantage of that week and do my nothing.

I could do all those mundane things like grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning and laundry.
8 Comments
 
Mercury retrogrades
07.18.05 (11:53 am)   [edit]
I hate them.

http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html" title="http://www.astrologycom.com/mercret.html" target="_blank"http://www.astrologycom.com/m...
0 Comments
 
It's a birthday today
07.18.05 (11:44 am)   [edit]
I hope his birthday is pleasant and that he's happy.

It's been a long time since I thought about the D Man. It's been about 2 years since I last dealt with him. My last impression of him was the last ordeal I went through to get my belongings back.

Not only did it take a year, but I had to pay an arm and a leg. And he threw in a gift that I had made him in the package. Too bad he didn't return any of the nice stuff. :P I could not understand why I couldn't get my things back in a classy way. Maybe he was trying to cause me pain and anguish in case I wanted to get back together with him. One friend suggested that I had hurt him too badly and this is how he was dealing with it. Who knows.

He was very sweet to me when we were together, always being very concerned for my safety. Things weren't bad when we broke up. I guess I just didn't see a plausible future given our wants and where we were in life (geographically and ungeographically). My aunt thought I was crazy to dump him and that I'd regret it. One thing for sure is that I've never regretted dumping anyone. Most reactions tended to be, "wow, I thought you were going to marry."

I do wonder how he is, but not enough to Google about it. BWAHAHAA He's rarely on my mind, but on occasion, something reminds me of him. No pining here.

But I think it's his birthday today. He's a good ol' Cancer. Cancers, I've found, have been too sensitive for me.

There was something I was going to buy for the J Man, but I've changed my mind about it. There are a couple of other things I should be working on, too. I had some other gift ideas, but he's already bought that stuff for himself lately :? :roll:

I just have to find time to go pick stuff up. Tomorrow night I'm going out for dinner with family. Thursday and/or Friday night will be dinner with family. Saturday is a hair appointment, and Sunday is another family dinner. My cousin also wants to get together with me before dinner, if I have time. And Paula has returned from her trip today. I must see her asap! I also need to do my photography homework.

I am so hungry. I skipped on a work lunch for a girl who's getting married so I could do more work in my day. Now I"ve eaten all my food!!
4 Comments
 
So many questions
07.18.05 (6:34 am)   [edit]
What's a good eye cream?
What happened to my spare razor?
Why is it so hot and uncomfortable?
When am I going to get a chance to do my photography homework?
What else was on my mind?
Why do I get heartburn in moments of stress?
What's a good way to get rid of heartburn?
What time am I going out for dinner tomorrow night?
When am I going to get a chance to wash my hair?
6 Comments
 
It's been busy
07.17.05 (11:21 pm)   [edit]
You know it's hairy when I'm not posting during the week! Work has been just keeping me really busy. Unfortunately, I didn't get everything I wanted to accomplish done on Friday, and I had no time to go into the office this weekend.

What's been going on aside from work?

Thursday, I picked up some more protein powder and Omega 3 oil from the Boot Camp guy. He totally reminded me of my plan to eventually compete in a fitness competition. I'd been so busy that it'd completely slipped my mind. Maybe it's something I will look into this fall or winter. He says it will take me about 6 months to train. I think it'd be a lot of fun with the workout regime. The eating changes will not be as fun :lol: The only thing I hope is that my boobs don't shrink a lot.

The rest of my time has been spent with the J Man. I'm not sure what it was, but I think it took me a while to warm up to him for some reason. I hadn't seen him in almost 4 days, which is one of our longest times apart. And it's definitely easier for me to part ways with him during the week when we're both off to work even if we're running really late.

Thursday night I got bitten alive by mosquitos...I was afraid that was going to happen. Now I have tonnes of huge welts over my legs. The worst ones are the ones on the back of my ankles and on the top of my feet! I was going crazy with the itchiness. I envy those who don't attract mosquitoes.

Anyway, the J Man and I had some nice conversation that night. One part that sticks out in my head is when he asked me if I minded when he talked about exes. I guess I don't *really* mind if it's bad stuff he's telling me :P And I'm sure they're all people who've made up part of the person he is today. But I don't want to know a whole hell of a lot, especially anything sexual or deep. I can live with boyfriends having pasts, but I don't want to know much more than that.

I try to avoid talking about exes as much as possible unless what I'm saying is harmless. And I've always tried really hard to not pursue anything after a breakup, which have almost always been instigated by me. It's only been extremely recently that I've let a few exes stay in my life. I think I try to say as little as possible about exes so that my current guy won't feel less special, or that our relationship is no less meaningful than previous ones, or that he has to measure up to someone.

I'm not sure I've ever dated a guy who's so into analysing. Sometimes I feel a little hopeless. I never thought of the J Man as someone insecure because I don't see what he has to be so insecure about. And you know what they say -- if you don't like yourself, why should others like you? When I've talked about him to people, they say he sounds insecure, and I've always been like "nah," or "maybe?" So I asked him if he thought he was insecure, and he said yes.

Cocky people and those seeking reinforcement from me are usually out of luck with me. J Man is not the former. I'm not very good at boosting people's confidence. I can pay a compliment, but I am the kind of person who would say her piece and not gush. In fact, I would feel really fake gushing.

From the things he tells me, I must make him feel like a big loser or something :( When I said I'd try to be more positive or whatever, he said he'd probably take it as sarcasm. I can't win. I can't do anything about him putting up walls to prevent himself from getting hurt. He's already set himself to believe that I'm a certain way and will never change.

There is something unhealthy going on with our communication, and I don't like it. Right now, I'm sure how to make things better. Sometimes I get a glimpse of what it must be like to deal with me :P

My not wanting to gush sums up my usual demeanour. I don't like to show a lot of emotion whether it's happiness, sadness, anger, etc. According to the J Man, I look the same at all times. He says he can't read me. And maybe he can't.

And our sex drives differ. He wants it morning, noon, and night. I might want it morning or noon or night. Or morning x 2. Or morning and night. Or ... whatever...Just not every time he wants it, and he used to take it personally. Now he's resorted to building up walls, so that he doesn't care. I think that if that mindset continues, we'll just grow farther apart intimately. He used to get mad, which really hurt me. Now he gets cold, which is worse. Or is it? I don't know. Also, when I'm satisfied, I'm just not going to want it again right away. Maybe if I didn't end up so sore :oops:

I don't know where I was going with that....just a couple of things that aren't sitting right with me and the J Man.

Otherwise, things are great. We have a lot of fun when we don't have one of our communication breakdowns. I like being with him. I feel sad when our weekends come to an end.
0 Comments
 
Woo
07.13.05 (8:32 pm)   [edit]
T and E from Hong Kong are coming to town towards the end of August.
The J Man and I have a weekend away coming up, but it also means missing a night of fireworks.
The J Man's been asking what my mom thinks of him. I've not really had a chance to ask her! But so far, so good. She hasn't complained.

:D

Time for some Beauty and the Geek.
7 Comments
 
Things to get on
07.13.05 (9:36 am)   [edit]
There are a couple of birthdays coming up. I have to get their gifts together, and I am still quite excited by it all. I just hope there is time!

I also used some money from my LOC a couple of months ago. It's not like I haven't been able to repay it, but I was expecting to get some sort of statement telling me the full amount that I owe. I haven't received anything, so I guess I will just put some money back in there.

And I need to get on trip planning. T and I have decided to just pay for a flight first and go from there. We're still wondering when it'll be most economical to pay. Being on a trip is fun. The planning part is not so fun!! But the imagining of things we'll do is fun, too.

I love getting away!!
2 Comments
 
Big ol' piece of garlic
07.13.05 (9:22 am)   [edit]
I just ate some. I try to avoid eating garlic if I know I'm going to be around other people in close quarters. But it was an accident.

I'm meeting up for dinner with my mom, grandma, and 2 great aunts tonight. I wasn't expecting to; I know my mom will comment that my top is too low cute. Oh well.

Last night, when I left after eating dinner, I had 3 old ladies see me to the door. Another great aunt came into town last night. She swung by with an entourage of relatives from my great uncle's side. I was only trying to eat my dinner, but then everyone got a grand tour of the house. Man, did I feel uncomfortable with like 10 people standing around in the kitchen while I was eating. They showed up a lot earlier than planned.

Of course, everyone just assumed I lived there. "You have a beautiful kitchen." I couldn't say "thanks" because that's not how your receive a compliment in Chinese. And then I couldn't think of anything else to say since it wasn't my house.

Last night I had some chunky monkey ice-cream, too. It was very satisfying. Then I watched Big Brother.

I still don't have a favourite houseguest. They are all kind of annoying, and Big Brother keeps throwing in all these twists...which to me takes away a little of the charm that used to draw me in. I guess I am a traditionalist and not so open to change :lol: Even the theme song is different.

I am curious to see what the alliances are. If everyone is paired up, shouldn't someone have tried to save Ashlea??

Tonight is the "reunion" of Beauty and the Geek. I look forward to watching it. I was telling my friend A about it, and he asked me if I was a beauty or a geek. I told him somewhere in the middle. He doesn't like geeks even though he is kind of one. He thinks geeks are "social retards." I think nerds are, but he thinks geeks are social retards in denial.

The tall J Man has finally melted his woman. She was all "you're the second worst thing to happen to me" after he told her why he wasn't into her anymore (too plump) and she didn't want to talk to him again. Then he apologised with flowers, and things are on the up. However, warning bells went off when he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I hope he's not priming me for a 3-way. He didn't deny it.
6 Comments
 
Dork
07.13.05 (7:44 am)   [edit]
I rarely change my earrings. I like studs. One of these days I'm going to get a nice pair of diamond studs. The ones I have now I chose many years ago, and back then I liked them really small. Now I just want a medium pair.

Anyway...I hardly look at earrings or buy them anyway, but today I'm wearing some that I bought months ago. They're feathers, layered over top one another. A cyan on on top and a lime green underneath. I thought they looked cool and they were going to match perfectly with some stuff that I had. So I'm wearing them today, and I don't like them. However, the colours do go with my cyan silk camisole and my ring, and they sort of go with my shoes.

I'm just roasting right now since I'm also wearing this zipup hoodie thingee. I want to take it off, but I hate baring a lot of skin in the office.

Right now, I would rather be cleaning, rollerskating, or doing my photography homework.

Those Fantastik disposable toilet bowl cleaners have been great. However, they're not very powerful. I think I might have to resort to using a toilet brush and some toilet bowl cleaner. BLEH!
3 Comments
 
Fist clenching
07.12.05 (2:21 pm)   [edit]
I was really quite proud of myself that I had fogotten Mr. Penis Photo's name.

Then today I received an email from "k r," and I remembered instantly. Damn!

He freakin' attached another photo of his dick. I can't even remember all the text in the email. I know the second sentence was "don't be mad."

:roll:

WTF is up with people? Even if I wasn't single, I wouldn't want attention from him anyway!!

Brief recap:

1. The first time, he sent me a photo of his dick, I had no warning, and I told him I didn't appreciate receiving the photo.

2. I don't have his phone number, and I don't call him.

3. He's blocked from my IM list.

4. I kicked him out of my place when he crossed the line. Trying to fight someone off pawing at me was not my idea of a good time. Actually, he did more than that, but never mind.

5. I haven't seen him since nor have I have made attempts to communicate with him.

So ... I'm not mad. I'm just not interested in anything he has to offer.

My friend suggested I doctor his photo in PhotoShop and add some blood, and send the pic back. BWAHAHAHAAHHAAHA
6 Comments
 
Talk about efficiency
07.12.05 (7:53 am)   [edit]
I fired off an email probably less than 15 minutes ago to the boot camp guy, and he just called me back. I don't even remember putting my work phone number on my info sheet, and he'd have had to look up my number.

Unfortunately, he and I probably work the same hours, so coordinating is a little bleh. So now this means I can't work late on Thursday night. I can't work late tonight either. Or Friday night. Or on the weekend. :roll:

I could be buying the stuff I'm ordering from him in retail stores, but buying through him saves me a considerable amount of money!

The Orange Burst flavour had better be good. I will have 2 pounds of it to go through!! He says all the flavours of protein powder are good. I have my suspicions about Strawberry. Anything with artificial strawberry flavour usually tastes gross and too medicine-like and just too...artificial!! BLEH!!
0 Comments
 
Can you spare a few minutes?
07.12.05 (6:30 am)   [edit]
That was the question posed from someone asking for a favour. It only irked me because the question was so presumptuous.

In the email, she was describing how she has been trying to pretty up a document, but nothing she was doing was working...So if *she* can't do it in a few minutes, then why assume someone else can fix it in a few minutes?

Well, okay...so she sent the email to the two Docs people around; people just assume we're naturally whizzes with Word. I especially dislike when people put me on the spot by coming to me to ask for help, and I have to show them something. Sometimes I have to dig around the application to do what needs to get done!!

Oh yeah, the P Man found out I am seeing someone. I have no idea how I even came up in their conversation. Anyway, he text messaged me last night and apologised about asking me to bone. Then he asked about having lunch. I just don't see what he wants with me. He's not the kind of guy who has real female friends. "What do I need female friends for? I like drinking and cars, and most girls aren't into that."
0 Comments
 
Someone's got a case of the Mondays!
07.11.05 (9:32 am)   [edit]
The tall J Man is thinking of selling his place and moving because of a neighbour that smokes...As a non-smoker, I am sure it can be quite unbearable to be around second-hand smoke. I cracked a couple of jokes about it, but he didn't appreciate it. So much for trying to cheer him up.

I didn't get into work until 11 this morning :? and I am exhausted. I know it's our fault. We can't keep doing this. And the rest of today is going to be killer. Class until 10 pm after work. And when I get home, I have to do more laundry and prepare food for tomorrow. I will just want to go to bed. And I have a pile of clothes on my naked bed. I still need to put some sheets on.

I'm not sure how much longer I can go without my Sunday catch up time. I really enjoy spending the weekends with the J Man, which is why I'm letting things slide...but to have a messy home and nothing to eat kind of licks. :lol: And I have a stack of unread newspapers. So once *again*, I asked them to stop delivery until next month. Sometimes I think it's ridiculous that I can't even finish reading a newspaper.

And now I have to balance a work deadline and seeing relatives. My relatives naturally assumed I was going to have dinner with the family on Sunday, but I was hanging out with the J Man. My mom complains a little that I don't spend Sundays with her anymore.

Oh yeah...the J man and my mom met yesterday for the first time. We were out for dim sum. All went well. My grandma has problems with English names though. She can't even say my mom's name :lol:

This weekend is going to be a busy one too :D I can't wait to crawl into bed tonight!!
3 Comments
 
What's his name again?
07.09.05 (12:21 pm)   [edit]
I got some text message last night from someone saying they hadn't seen me in a while. I have no idea who it was. I'm thinking it might have been Mr. Penis Photo, but whatever number it was -- was not in my phone book. I can't even remember Mr. Penis Photo's real name anymore. And why the heck would I even want to see him again?

I went out for breakfast this morning with tall J Man. It was a pleasant time except for the grease that is still sitting in my stomach. We went to this cafe and got their Breakfast Special. Their scrambled eggs looked like couscous, and the hash brown was bleh. The toast was lovely and the tea refills were very generous!! And the bacon was flat. I had five flat strips of crispy bacon. Ugh. I'm glad it wasn't an awkward experience.

Last night I got all caught up on my taped shows. The 24 finale sucked ass, and I wasn't totally paying attention because I was reading. The Big Brother premier sucked ass. Well, no houseguest stands out yet. I think Julie Chen had her top stuffed. Fake 'n' bake Howie is annoying. I hope Ashlea stays. I found it weird that Kaysar thought he'd be nominated because he was Iraqi. Mike is the hottest. I also watched the first episode of Beauty and the Geek, which I had missed. It was just too funny with the dancing. But they sure made some of the girls look really ... not bright.

My mom and I went to the airport today to pick up my grandmother and great aunt. Grandma's not too please that great aunt decided to come on this particular trip. "This means we can't go on a cruise this year!!!" Because of this great aunt coming on this trip, we're not able to go anywhere else that requires a long flight or leaving Canada. We go to the airport and pick up people so often that I find it kind of weird to see people make huge deals about picking up people. Often, you see people with flowers and balloons. Today there were some men in dresses and wigs.

Thank goodness the drive home was short. The two old ladies were really loud in the back seat, and they told us ALL about the attrocities of their flight. I felt a little bad about their experience. My great aunt didn't really ask anybody for anything so she drank little water. She had some bad coffee, was really cold, sat in some uncomfortable seats, and was denied instant cup noodles. "How can such a big plane be out of noodles?!?!" But the worst part was that when they got off the plane [how in the world did the word "deplane" make it in our vocabulary? I refuse to use it. The word should be "disembark"!!!]. These old ladies speak not a word of English, and a flight attendant was supposed to help them through the arrival process. Instead they were left to stand around waiting for who knows what and who, so they decided to ask other passengers about where to go to customs, and then they had to find someone to grab their luggage off the carousel! But back to the loud talking; often people from Hong Kong speak really loudly. I think that's how people get heard over all the noise and other people.

When I picked up my mom today, I noticed her shirt was very similar to mine. We were both wearing Abercrombie and Fitch polo shirts. They were very similar in style; it was pretty much just a colour difference. We were wearing the same size (medium), but the shirts looked so different on us. She was complaining hers was too tight :roll: I leave all the buttons undone. She had two out of three done up. I felt the need to have our photo taken together for comparison, so I set the ol' timer and snapped a few shots.

My mom is tiny compared to me. She's about 5'1" at the most, and she is petite!! I was her size when I was about 10. She's so proud that she now weighs 108 pounds and has a belly. I haven't been 108 pounds since I was 10.

Time to transfer those pics over!! Man, do I still feel full. And I can finally go to the gym again! Woo!
6 Comments
 
Only one gunt?!
07.08.05 (3:00 pm)   [edit]
Out of 20 pages, I got only one image of a gunt when I did a Google image search. Geez!
0 Comments
 
Just like any regular morning
07.08.05 (11:38 am)   [edit]
But much later...

I got into work around 12:45 today... :oops: I have a feeling I won't be that productive today; it's like I feel I can slack off a bit since I've already put in more than a full week's hours this week. And I have one more day to finish.

But work needs to be done...after I finish posting this.

I had loukoumades last night. I think I had been waiting almost 2 years to have them again!! Soooo delicious...

There are a couple of birthdays coming up this month. I am at a loss of ideas for one of the people. For the other, I have a couple of ideas.

You know what's difficult? Communicating effectively. Bleh. Sometimes I think I am subconsciously extra hard on some people, and I think it stems from my experiences from my dad. Some of my behaviour has branched off onto certain kinds of people in my life, and I don't like it. I don't even notice me doing it though.

Was that last paragraph cryptic or what...

For the most part, I think the J Man and I get pretty well. Or at least so I thought. Apparently he pisses me off a lot, but I don't notice. And I am complicated. That I definitely disagree with. But these are not the points...I'd rather work on those issues, but I don't even know where to start.

I don't see a problem with me being upset (even though I don't even recall it happening a lot) because I always tell him why. Then I move on and forget about it. I thought it was a quick process. But apparently it happens too often. :?: :( I also figure over the time, the frequency will drop.

Actually, my bigger issue is that based on what he says, I feel like I make him feel like poo a lot, and I really don't want that. I think I've probably taken my fear of getting someone's head too big to a new level [it's probably bad to come to me for reinforcement if you're fishing for compliments or if you're cocky]. And another thing is that I need to balance my efforts of expressing what I don't like with more of what I do.

I thought I would've learned something by now after causing the D Man so much grief back in the day. Think sobbing thrown in with some "I never do anything right" thrown in. And my mom commenting, loosely translated, "stop criticising him so much." :oops:

I do like the J Man a lot and we have a lot of good times. I just don't post about them as much because I don't want to appear all sappy and stuff. And the stuff that I've been posting that's not as pleasant just comes because it's stuff II want to resolve.
4 Comments
 
I was tagged
07.07.05 (1:47 pm)   [edit]
...by [url=http://assalicious.tblog.com]assalicious[/url]...

1. What were three of the stupidest things you have done in your life?

1. Driving recklessly this one particular time. While I was making a quick left off a highway at a high speed and hearing squealing tires, I was thinking, geez, I hope I don't hit that concrete barrier.
2. Getting involved with that stalker ex. But how I was to know he'd be so stalker-ish?
3. Pushing myself physically when I'm already injured.

I guess they're not that stupid, but for something I'd consider stupid, it'd have to affect my safety or my sanity (or anyone else's).

2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?

Nobody that stands out.

3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, who would you pick?
1. My Aunt Sara. She took her own life when I wasn't even 2.
2. Does everyone have to be dead? This is one of my least favourite questions to answer. I'm skipping it. I have no desire to dine with anyone famous, either.

4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

1. To live in great health.
2. Anything I can't achieve on my own would count as supernatural, wouldn't it?? I wanna be rich!
3. I don't know.

5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
I regret that my city has few activities for people to do who aren't seniors or children. I also regret that my city ... I don't know. I quite like my city. It has what I need, but it is missing some people.
Two things that people should avoid in my city: No.3 Road in the afternoon (traffic congestion) and a certain section of Blundell Road on snowy days (narrow road surrounded by ditches).

6. What was the last movie you saw?
Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was very entertaining although Mrs. Smith just reminded me of Lara Croft during some points.

7. Name one event that has changed your life.
Puberty.

8. If you had to be one character from Bill and Ted's excellent adventure, who would you be and why?
I barely remember the movie. Maybe Beethoven? He's the only one I remember, and I don't want to be Bill or Ted.

9. Tag 5 people.
Nah. Everyone who reads me blog should do this! And then tell me.
3 Comments
 
Quick break
07.07.05 (7:51 am)   [edit]
My time away from the office was less than 12 hours from last night 'til this morning. I also busted my ass to get here on time for a town hall meeting. I still don't think meetings should happen before 10 am. Afternoon meetings shouldn't start 'til after 2 pm but not go later than 4 pm.

I stayed 'til 9:45 last night...that's more than 12 hours in the office. No wonder I'm so sore and stiff. Post PMS, I tend to feel really awake. So after I got home, I tidied a bit, finished off some laundry, and ate a little. It was too late to call Tara though :? I did watch the finale of Beauty and the Geek :D And Big Brother 6 starts tonight!! I'll have to watch the premier tomorrow night. My favourite Big Brother housemate was Curtis from Season 1. I think the moment where he and the other 2 finalists trashed the house and made up that goofy song and dance to the Sony Wega will be etched in my mind for quite some time.

Anyway...my dad also called and left me a message. He informed me, "I don't need the computer you bought me. I bought my own." :roll: My first thought was "gee, thanks. I specifically told you I bought one for you." And I had specifically told him that he'd have to wait a bit. Then my second thought was "great...now what am I going to do with this frickin' spare machine?"

I'll give it to my mom. When I told her I bought my dad a computer, she was all like, "what? Why did you get him one and not me?" Having separated parents is annoying because I can't treat the two of them as one unit. After I moved, I had to give each parent a set of spare keys in case there was an emergency. Oh no -- I couldn't give just one parent a set. I had to give both. And the locks got changed or removed to my building, so that was dumb. And then I have to make twice as much time for them collectively. Do I feel bad saying that? Yeah. But I barely have time for myself these days.

I have 3 computers sitting around. One is currently in use. The second one has problem booting up. I was just going to remove one or two of the hard drives to put in my current machine. I had had all sorts of plans for it...use it as a server...turn it into a linux box...but who knows. The third one will go to my mom when she moves next year.

I chatted briefly with the C Man last night. He was asking me what was going on with the J Man. He told me he was going to ask me if I was seeing someone when he saw me last. He said he felt like our connection wasn't there. I managed to not directly answer his question, but he was still like "that just makes me want you more! HAHHAAHA"

I didn't realise he wanted me to begin with :? :lol: He was one of those guys I tried to change for when we dated. Of course I got resentful and then lost interest. What I liked about him was that he could take charge of a situation and he did all those stereotypical gentlemanly things. I liked that he always walked to my door or car. However, I didn't like the pressure he put on me to be domesticated and that he wasn't always the most open-minded. I think he's matured somewhat over the last 2 years, which is good.

Anyway, back to work...I'm losing steam here [not blog here but work here]. And I'm really glad that I don't have my PDP meeting with my boss today.
0 Comments
 
Are we back?
07.06.05 (3:16 pm)   [edit]
So with tblog on the fritz a lot lately and with me being swamped with work, I've not been posting as much nor reading others' blogs. I can't wait 'til things die down. I guess in 3 weeks, things will be over.

Chris is town for two days. I wish I had known about it sooner.

The P Man messaged me twice today. What is his problem? The next time he asks me if I want to bone, I'm going to let him have it.

I had an upsetting converstion with the J Man today. Once again, it started off with this freaking blog. I knew I would say things that he wouldn't take too kindly to, but I had no tactful way. There are just something we'll have to agree to disagree on, but as to how to deal with something, I'm not sure how to wrestle with that.

What I hate most about arguing with a guy is that sometimes they pick on a point that wasn't really related to the original conversation. And then they can't get past it.

The conversation was so frustrating to me that I just wanted to curse at him and say hurtful things. Nothing a couple of clenched fists and teeth clenching couldn't take care of though. I know when I want to let something all out, I will be very blunt. I give kudos to myself for holding back (for the most part).

I apologised to the J Man about how the conversation turned out, and then he signed off right after. I was thinking, "gee, thanks. Not a bye or anything." But luckily, he signed back on to say bye. I don't like leaving arguments unresolved or at least not doing something to smooth things over. The piece of advice that I gave to my best friend for one of her wedding showers was "never go to bed angry." I felt dumb for offering advice to a newlywed since I've never been one.

I might as well blog about it. I wasn't going to, but tBlog didn't post properly, so I"m still in this window. [I've done no work for the last couple of hours. :x] I'm a lot more calm now, but I was really upset and things probably just spiraled out of hand.

Actually, no...I don't want to. The emotional turmoil has passed. :?

And this isn't even what I wanted to blog about today :x
0 Comments
 
Random ramblings
07.05.05 (11:02 am)   [edit]
Last night was my second digital photography class. I worry that I'll want a fancier camera once I finish this class. I tend to go gung ho really easily. Just ask my list of scrapbooking supplies that have never been used. We use netmeeting in class, and yesterday I decided to start clicking around to open the chat and white board. I didn't really expect to see everyone else's monitors show the same thing since I didn't actually type anything.

I had yoga today. I don't know what it is, but I just don't really enjoy it. I don't particularly enjoy doing the poses, and the breathing takes so much concentration. Maybe today my mind just wasn't there. I was on a roll with work right before class.

And speaking of work, I can't wait 'til I get some time to start looking for a new job. Currently:

I have a boss who doesn't even acknowledge me.
I'm not being challenged (unless you count getting through my volume of work).
We need more resources in department.
Documentation is hardly valued here.

Maybe the bottom line is that I don't feel valued. I don't get enough support.
4 Comments
 
Quick update
07.04.05 (10:08 am)   [edit]
I don't usually get a chance to sit around at my computer on the weekends. I don't even check email sometimes. I think I like it that way and that I try to keep a point of keeping online activity to a minimum when I'm not at work. It's probably why I got a little annoyed when the J Man seemed frothing at the mouth to check his email -- first at my friend's little shindig and then as soon as we got to my place. If checking his email was that important, it should have been done before our day started.

My whole weekend was pretty much spent with the J Man. I thought I was going to have some time yesterday to do my old regular Sunday things like go food shopping (hello, empty fridge), but we ended up doing other things. I'm not complaining about the time we spend together, but I need find a way to take care of my home in the process!!

Tara's coming into town this weekend, and we are getting together Sunday. She wanted to meet up at 10 am to go shopping :shock: Good thing the malls don't open until 11 or 11:30. I'd like a day where I can sleep in on the weekends. This one isn't looking all that likely.

Anyway...weekend update (so much for a quick update!) This long weekend was an action-packed one, but I didn't get the luxury of slowing down!!

Friday morning, I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn to get to my last day of boot camp. My run was 30 seconds faster than when I first started, and I did like 20% more pushups (doesn't that sound like a lot? It was like 5 more in total) than when I first started. I don't think it was all boot camp. Then we hung out in Steveston for pretty much the whole day. I was exhausted. I still haven't found any foods that will help with my low energy levels when I'm PMSing. I felt so guilty about just wanting to crash early.

Saturday, I went off to my post boot camp body composition test. I had a weight difference of -2 pounds and -1% body fat. I knew I didn't look all that different :lol: Anyway, the boot camp guy was like "you have a really unique body type." I put on muscle really quickly, and thought that'd be advantageous for fitness competitions. I daydreamed about doing stuff like that before because I knew that about my body and because I really enjoy working out. I might consider it further down the road when I have more time. It was always the time and eating thing that kind of made me not pursue it.

After the test, I went back to the J Man's place, so we could start our door. Once again, I had to wait for him to get ready!!!

We spent most of the afternoon outdoors which was nice. It was a hot day. Unfortunately, I had not brought the right clothes with me. (I had also forgotten my makeup, so no makeup all weekend :o) I was prepared for a cool, cloudy/rainy day. I also ran out of stuff because I wasn't expecting to stay over Saturday.

I was really grumpy, too, which I hate being. I felt bad about that, too. And I felt bad about not being in the mood. I knew I needed to get out of there, so went for a late night walk. It helped a lot.

Here is a conversation that occurred while we were out:

[i]bang[/i]
Dude: Excuse me.
Dude: Oh. You have to go.
[i]we look up. I see this guy who looked like a busboy.[/i]
Dude: I didn't see *you* there.
Dude: [i]stammering[/i] Uh, well. You still have to go.

The dude spotted the J Man's back, and it probably looked like the J Man was doing something seedy.

And then later on in the evening, I had a massive laugh attack. I wish I could have stopped, but I really couldn't, and of course it was over something really silly. I just didn't want the J Man to think I was laughing at him. Well, I was, but it wasn't anything bad. It was just an expression he had on his face after a (_)_)<3. It was like :shock: :o :oops: >
So the night ended better than when it started.

We kind of dozed in the morning...ate on the balcony...and hung out afterwards for a bit. Then we saw [i]Mr. and Mrs. Smith[/i]. I thought it was a really cute movie. Then I dropped him off and went home. I felt a little sad. I'm not sure I've ever just dropped him off and gone home. It felt a little weird.

I got home exhausted, and did as much as I could to prepare for today. I thought I would/could wake up early today, but no such luck. Maybe next week.
0 Comments
 
Click for Vancouver, British Columbia Forecast

www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from RosieTulips. Make your own badge here.