I seem to have been having problems replying to comments :(

I will keep trying.

I had my exit interview today with my current employer. Unfortunately, I didn't raise any controversy, but I was honest.

On Friday night, we saw The Departed. I enjoyed it a lot. Leonoardio DiCaprio was surprisingly tasty. I thought some parts of the movie were really dumb though. I enjoyed Big Jack and the killings. I wish I wasn't nodding off during the first half of the movie though! 

It's so irritating to the eye when there's lint on the contact. Ugh! And my eyes have been so dry lately.

Oh! I am going to be a bridesmaid!! I am so excited! Quote from the bride-to-be: "All my bridesmaids are hot! I'm so glad I don't have to worry [about the dresses]." I am excited and touched that I was asked. We've been friends for a long time, and we are close but not super close.  

I don't want to admit, but I am. I can't remember the last time I was in love. It was a long time ago.

So now I am all freaked out. And then I say stupid things that I really shouldn't say. But sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut. In the past, I've just done things to keep people at arm's length, and I am trying to avoid it.

And then I worry that I will blurt it out, too. 

Not enough has been going on for me to write a post. But it's so nice to not have any real work to do at work. If only work was always like this.

I've been cleaning out my cube...throwing things away and taking things home.

People here have been so nice to me lately, asking me where I'm going, etc.

Then I started imagining what my good bye lunch will be like. Me and a few other people. If that actually happens, I hope I won't be too crushed. I'd probably be more embarrassed than anything. But I will be touched by the people who show up!

This new job had better be worth it...*L* Less vacation time, cancelled upcoming trips...and now I am not going to be around to get my bonus. *sigh* I will be gone by the time of the payout :( I could really use the money.

I talked to Cute Butt Boy last night. I had called to see why he was persistently calling and texting me. Turns out he just wanted to see how I was doing. So we chatted and that was about it.  

Back in the day before Mr. Nick, I posted a lot about various guys that were in my life at the time. I thought that kind of posting would die down.

Cute Butt Boy text messaged me Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I was really surprised: 1) to hear from him and 2) by his persistence. WTF? And why? Is he really that horny? How could he have forgotten my "never going to see each again" spiel? I am going to have to call him at some point to tell him I am with someone now. I really don't need the temptation -- even though I have the worst kink my back from sleeping. CBB has given the best massages I've ever gotten in my life. Hands down. I had a lot of fun with him, and then I got rid of him. And then I got over him. I definitely don't want the temptation.

At one point this weekend, I was upset with Mr. Nick, and I thought back to how I used to deal with such issues. In the past, I often sought other guys. It was my way of getting revenge, I guess. I don't want to be like that anymore. I started asking myself if I could cheat on someone (again).

I think I really let PMS get the best of me this weekend. I usually don't feel any different, but on occasion, I get a little sensitive. This weekend I was more than a little.

Friday night, before Mr. Nick and I went out to his friends' place to carve pumpkins, he told me he met up with his ex earlier in the day to exchange the last of their stuff. We'd never talked much about past relationships. I didn't have the impression he was freshly out of a relationship. My heart sank a little when he said they broke up 2 months ago. Apparently it wasn't the greatest of relationships, but they were still together for 4 years. He says he's moved on and that I will just have to trust him. I asked for a few more details, but I am still not clear on what happened with them or what the nature of their relationship. I'm not sure it really matters.

I guess I trust him. I don't have a reason to not trust him. But I am nervous about being the first girl he's dated since that breakup. I know with my own relationships, I've always moved on quickly and not taken much baggage. But I feel that most people aren't like me in that regard.

But...Mr. Nick and I have booked some of our hotels for our trip to California. I had a fun time at his friends' gathering, too. My gut tells me I'm not a rebound, but I still can't help but be scared. I tend to be scared a lot anyway. I just try to hide it.

And the IKEA Guy MSNed me today. At least he remembers I have a boyfriend. But he still likes his fantasy version of me. We've never had a face to face conversation yet he told me he had thought about starting a new life with me.

It feels weird to call Mr. Nick "my boyfriend."  

I went to T's baby shower on the weekend, and I was telling someone I was going away with my boyfriend. I think I am still scared of babies. It was my first time attending a baby shower. It was kind of boring. We sat around watching T open gifts. Most of the stuff was lame and good for clutter. I still think I gave her the best gift :-p At least my stuff was original. I got her organisers for her diaper bag, some peepee teepees (apparently those will come in handy. Her son keeps peeing every time he gets changed. These peepee teepees are used for covering the willy when you change him.), and this reversible leather bib with a magnetic closure. She got a lot of piggy banks and books. She already had a buttload of clothes and blankets months ago. I guess it helped that I knew what she already had.

But first, I must celebrate my new tires. I got some GoodYear Assurance TripleTred. I think I will really like them, but I'll have to see how they fare over the next little while.

But right now I'm getting spread a little thin, at work and for the upcoming Vancouver Asian Film Fest. I am regretting I volunteered (and to be a group leader, no less!). I need to commit more time to it than I have right now, and the timing is just off. I also need to find a baby shower gift today and an engagement party gift asap and order a cake for the party.

I've always hated taking photos at my work events. I hate my slowass camera. And transferring everything from my own computer to work is a big pain. I take like 50 photos every time and each is at least 1 MB. I am not going to email them all. And resizing is just as big of a pain. And before my last day, I will gather the hundreds of photos I've taken. What I hate most is that we HAVE a company digital camera. Someone should USE it.

And Hairy Butt Boy is on my nerves right now, too. I really don't want to call him dumb, but he is not the brightest bulb in the bunch.

I told him my last day of work at my current company is on Halloween. Does it not imply I am working on Halloween and am at my current employer until then?

"Oh! This means people at [my company] won't see you in your Halloween costume! I guess you could wear your costume at your new place."

And then today...

"Your last day is tomorrow, right?"
"No."
"I thought you start your job next week."
(I just realised I told him that I do start it next week. Oops.)
"So you'r technically on vacation until the 31st?"

I think I am crankier than usual because I was just mentoring the newbie. He doesn't catch on very quickly, and watching people use computers has always been painful for me. And it frustrates me that he doesn't try to figure things on his own before asking me. For example, he had to add a new form to a diagram. He could not remember the name of the form, so he asked me. I have never even worked on what he's doing and I could tell him. Like come on...Look it up yourself.

Last night, I had perogies for dinner. I have this problem of burning things, but that's not my point. I had some diced onions with these perogies. When I took my PJs out of my bag last night, they smelled like ONIONS! Ugh!!!

And now I smell like coffee because I just sat in a coffee shop for like half an hour. 

So I went for my interview today. I left their office like 2 hours ago, and they just called to offer me the position.

(Hold on...they don't even want to ask for references?! I was going to send them a follow up thank you email and everything!)

So...I have asked for the weekend to think it over.

The opportunity is GREAT in terms of me calling the shots :-) And they *want* the tech writer to be involved with the whole development process, and I'd be able to get into usability stuff!!!!!! 

I am worried that I'm not geeky enough for this job. They want someone who really knows her way around computers. I am comfortable around them, but don't ask me to set up a network...or get rid of the BSOD (unless rebooting does the trick). 

It's a total startup environment though. It's great for gaining experience. It truly is, and I think I will really enjoy the culture there. The company is young. But with startups come fewer perks. They don't even have any benefits set up yet. It will be another month or two. (Good thing I have my dentist and optometrist appointments lined up for next week). They're actually a subsidiary of a really big company. They were bought out last month...so they are a startup with financial backing.

The pay is a sliver more than what I am making. I don't know if it'd cover my gas costs. THe company is going to move in the new year...what if it's even farther away from my home? *L* Anyway, I have things to think about. I just need to review their letter first.

I completely forgot to ask about vacation and scheduling. I wonder if they'd give me 4 weeks vacation. It took me 5 years to get that much vacation time...I don't want to start with fewer than that.

Anyhow, should I accept the job, I'd be starting Nov.1. I don't think I would be able to hide my blogging and surfing activities at the new place. They don't even use cubes! BWAAHAHA Productivity  1 Blogging 0. 

And my best friend had her boy today!! Name TBD. It's a great day! 

I'll be out of the country with Mr. Nick. The flight is booked! But we haven't planned anything else just yet.

I'm excited but nervous. I've never taken a trip longer than 4 days with a boy. I think we will be fine, but I just remember Mr. Nick telling me this relationships have tended to *end* after a trip. Gaaaah!! 

I met up with my dad for lunch today. The very first thing he said to me was, "wow, you've gained a lot of weight! What happened? You must not be dieting again."

For the record, I've never dieted in my life.

I hate that he projects his own image problems onto me!

At least today's lunch wasn't too painful. He had the usual questions about my mom's family. He even asked me if my grandmother asked about him. My dad used to be the apple of my grandma's eye, until he proved how awfully he treated my mom.

To be fair, my mom never understood or empathized with my dad's depression. She just couldn't wrap her head around it. She thought being depressed was something he chose. And she often said, "if he is so depressed, why is always out with other women?" It's as if she didn't think he had anything to be depressed about and he was only using it as an excuse for his actions. *sigh*

And I think my dad was feeling a little sorry for me and upcoming leaky condo payments. He's offered to take out some of his retirement savings to help me out. It's money I could use, definitely, but I don't want him to use his retirement savings on me. My mom still tells me to ask him for money. Ugh. She thinks his money should be mine. Ugh.

Sometimes I think how nice it would be to have the money from selling my condo. I'd be able to pay off my mortgage and almost have enough for s tiny 1 bedroom shack *L* Or I have a nice down payment for another condo. My dad suggested I sell my place, buy more property, rent it out while I live in uncle's house. That idea is semi-ridiculous. I'm not going to live in my uncle's house! 

1. I bought a VCR. I hate buying things without doing research. I am already *not* liking it. However, I am desperate. I will have to throw away the old one.

2. I had a phone interview today. It seemed to go well. I am supposed to meet the guy face-to-face asap. I am not sure I can live up to what the position calls for. Not only that, I am more concerned with taking a pay cut and a job with less perks. Thank goodness I am still employed. He wants someone to start really, really soon. I have not mentioned I have a holiday planned. When should I bring this up? I should have done it when he asked about my availability. The thing is, I haven't quite booked my flight yet.

3. I have a boyfriend. I need to record some dates somewhere. Here is probably not the best place, but at least I know it's somewhere. Sept. 7, first contact. Sept. 13, first date. Oct. 10, we're official! However, I have not forgotten the old rule that if you haven't met his friends after 4 months of dating, you're not really a couple. I'm glad we had "the talk." I found myself calling him my boyfriend anyway. I just tried not to do it to his face. I was telling him I needed some references, and he jokingly offered to be one. I asked him what our relationship was, and he said, "yeah, we should talk about that." That isn't even what i meant. Anyway, he brought it up again while we were on the phone tonight. He's been sick, so I told him to tell his doctor to give me the news. And he was like, "what should I call you?" And I just tried to avoid the question. "What do you mean?" and "tell him I'm your boss." I asked him what he'd call me, so he said, "I'd call you my girlfriend." *giggle* But now we joke that I am the boss of him. BWAHAHAA

4. I am having a get together this weekend. What I thought was going to be inviting a friend over to watch the hockey game has turned into more of a gathering.

5. I am wired and tired and not going to be catching up on TV shows *again* tonight.

6. I spent too much money today and bought a Hallowe'en costume.

7. I probably will not be going for laser hair removal for the time being. It is waaaay out of my budget. I love you, waxing! WAXWAXWAXWAXWAX!!!!

8. I was messaged by two people from my past today: Cute Butt Boy and UnPorsche. Weird. I felt bad when CBB asked me if I saw his show or heard him on the radio because both answers to his questions were "no."

The time has come to get a new VCR. I got a tape stuck in there last night, and there is *no* way for me to get it out.

Good bye, VCR! I am more choked that I have to get rid of *another* tape.

And I love Firefox even more today. I finally caved in and uninstalled my British version. Using Google was becoming anoying! I figured I would have lost my bookmarks and stuff (so I exported them), but after I re-installed the regular English version, everything was still there! YEEEEAH!

On Saturday, I went a little crazy at Stila. There was a makeup event, so I went. If we spent enough money, we'd get a free gift. I probably spent more than I needed to. The makeup artist was so nice and a little pushy, so I felt compelled to buy more than I needed. Now I have to go return the brush I bought because I already got it. And from the packaging, it looks like I got it for free at some point. I think the stuff they gave me would have cost around $100 to buy.

But now I shouldn't t buy anything else for the rest of the month...However, if I can find stuff for my Hallowe'en costume today, I just have to get it allllll. I want to be Little Red Riding Hood this year.

I told a couple of fibs this weekend.

I called my dad back. It turns out he was feeling really down and wanted someone to talk to. I felt bad that I didn't talk to him that night, but I think it would have been a conversation I didn't really enjoy. Anyway, he asked me if I had any prejudice against him and if I had felt like he did anything wrong. I told him no. I don't think he could have handled my true feelings. He was really asking me if he had done anything wrong as a husband. Yeah, I don't think cheating is a good thing. Nor do I think making your wife feel like less of a person is a good thing either.

I think he regrets divorcing my mother. His psychiatrist long ago had urged him to not do it because it would make his depression worse. He is always asking how she is doing and what she is doing. (If I had an ex like that, I'd be scared.) My mom is over hoping that my dad would want to be with her, but she is still bitter and angry. Anyway, to make himself better, my dad told me my mom was looking pretty old and haggard these days. I think my dad always used women to make himself feel better.

Anyway, the other fib...It was about penises. Mr. Nick asked me if I had a preference for whether they were uncut or cut. I told him I didn't have a preference even though I do. :-/ If I ever have a son, I'm leaving his skin on.

I wasn't my usual chipper self this weekend. I don't know if it as from cabin fever or feeling insecure. I don't like being insecure but I am. Ugh. I end up doing self-sabotage, I think -- nothing drastic. It's just that I put up walls and be a little more cold. I'm still working on not "protecting" myself that way. I think I just want to know that Mr. Nick is still as into me.

One thing I have learned again is that the direct approach is best instead of hoping to hear what you want by asking questions in a roundabout way.

I am not being very concise about what's bothering me, and I guess I am not ready to face it.

I read some article about bloggers and poets and the depressed ones talk about themselves more than the non-depressed ones. Almost all I do here is talk about me. BWAHAHAHA ugh.

I guess I am a little reluctant to blog about what is bothering me because there is always the possibility that Mr. Nick would read it. The possibility is quite low, but it's still there. Maybe I will blog about it later anyway.

Time to get ready for work. I have a telephone interview today, too.     

I've been slaving away at a resume I don't want to write.

It's almost done. But I denied myself of a workout and catching up on my TV shows.

I went out for a really sucky dinner tonight with my mom. The dinner was laughable, but I don't want to talk about that now.

My dad just called and I gave him the brush off. He wants to have a talk, and I am trying to get my resume done. I could tell he didn't think my resume took priority over him. I said I would call him tomorrow, but I would have rather gotten the talk over with.

My guess is that he is going to tell me what a screw-up of a daughter I am and how I've wronged him. Who really wants to listen to that?

I also miss Mr. Nick. I feel so lame. I guess over the last weeks we haven't spent more than one day apart (*gag*), but now I probably won't see him until Wed. And he could be getting sick.

I must be getting cabin fever. I musn't lock myself at home for long periods of time anymore. *L* 

I'm completely out of dryer sheets finally. I want to switch to dryer balls!! I hate the film that the dryer sheets leave on my towels. But this means no more dryer sheet smell. How can I make my clean laundry smell nice??

AND OOOOH CRAP!!!!!

My old boss let me know about a job lead, but my RESUME IS NOT READY. GAAAAAH

My old boss also told this guy that I have a decade of experience. I don't know where he pulled that number. 

SH*TD*MNMOTHERF*CKER!&nbs p;

Well, good thing it is the long weekend. This guy wants to talk to  me ASAP, but I must update my resume. Ugh.

The job sounds pretty good...it's another tech writing position for a software company. I just like the guy's outlook on documentation. The job itself has several cons, though.

1. My commute would be 3 - 4 times longer.
2. The pay may not even be close to what I am making now (negotiable, of course).
3. The company is puny.

I want my next job to be a technical writing job for a big company that cares about documentation and its technical writers. It would be nice if the pay was great, benefits were great, and  I had a flexible schedule. 

I am tired again.

I think I will email the guy and give him a brief summary about myself. Then I will madly rush to update my resume and send it to him over the weekend. 

And even if the guy doesn't think I'm a fit for the position, at least I will have an updated resume.

I also might need my mom to return the condoms she bought me! BWAHAHA 

Just an email from Mr. Nick puts this huge smile on my face.

He still doesn't read this blog even though the temptation is there. He know his name. I joked about changing it but didn't divulge what.

If I was to give him a nickname now, it'd have be to Condom Boy. 

I have some techie friends who run techie Web site showcasing techie articles. Every time there is a new article, they ask me to Digg it. Fair enough. They want exposure. However, I Digg their articles without even reading them. I don't feel right about it. I'm only supposed to Digg things I like.

And now, one of them has started asking me to Digg his blog entries. I am not supporting that! His blog used to be more personal and more fun to read. Now it's just all about making money. He is trying to make money off his blog.

I feel used!  And I get no thanks for it. This one guy's income all comes from his Web sites and he brags about it. Ugh.

This whole Digging thing has been annoying me for the last couple of weeks.

One other thing that irked me was this girl I know. She messaged me, and the first thing she said was, "how are things with ghost" :-/ I felt offended by that. "Ghost" is a semi-derogatory term that Chinese people use to call Caucasians. It's commonly used but if you want to be polite, don't use it.

To me, that's like someone asking Mr. Nick how his chink is doing. BWAHAHAHA 

Last night, I went to Mr. Nick's place, and we were in bed less than 15 minutes after my arrival. We hardly even had a conversation. BWAHAHA

We've been just exhausted. It was really good to get 8 hours of sleep.

I would have gladly slept in my own bed last night, but I wanted to get him a cheque. He's sweetly offered to pick up my order of protein powder and Udo's oil. The guy's office hours are 9 - 5 M -F, making it really inconvenient for me to drop by his office.

I'm trying to figure out what has caused my latest weight gain. Who can I go to help me out with this kind of stuff?? Should I see a dietician?? I've probably never had this much muscle before, but I am not getting a slimmer physique like I want. I think I may have done something to my metabolism (combined with natural aging...BWAHAHHAAA)

I'm also thinking of doing a cleanse one of these days. 

I am so bored.

I just want to go home since I feel like I haven't been home in ages. 

I think this lack of sleep is making me cranky. The weekend was pretty good and all of a sudden, I'm just in a bad mood. I hope it's not because I am subconsciously trying to sabatoge my own happiness!! Or maybe this is a sign I need some time for myself. I can't tell what it is.

Lately, I've been wondering what's up with Cute Butt Boy since he's been doing performances, but oh well. Best to leave things be.  

My friends met Mr. Nick, and they all thought he was very nice. Apparently, we look like a couple that fits. I knew he would get along with my friends. He said my friends seem really grown up *L* Everyone owns their own home and are getting married. I hope it doesn't make me look like I am itching to get hitched right now. *L* 

Or maybe I am even feeling a little insecure right now. 

My mom bought me condoms at Costco yesterday, but she had no idea. I threw them in the cart. She thought they were food, and asked me what they were. I just responded to her question with another question. She wasn't pretending to not know either. She'a always encouraged me to wait until marriage to get it on. Now she just tells me to not be cheap.

I spent a lot of time with Mr. Nick this weekend, and it went well :-) I don't think we had planned to spend so much time together, but it just happened that way. We went down to the States and did some shopping Friday. Saturday we just hung out, and he met some of my friends. I am sure they liked him. Sunday we parted ways when it was time for me to hang with my mom. I'm glad that I had Sunday to myself for a while though.

I am thinking of asking him to get tested. Tonight seems as good as any time. He's cookin'! His insistance on condom use is good but makes me nervous.

Yes, indeed!

Mr. Penis Photo reared his ugly head (no, not the one below his waist) again. I met him about 2 years ago. After the whole tampon thing, I didn't really want to see or hear from him again. We never got together again after that incident. Last year he text messaged me out of the blue, and by then I had already deleted his phone number. He knew it too because I asked him who he was when he text messaged. I didn't hear from him after that.

But this past weekend, he sent me a text message, He played a game with me so I could guess who he was. Anyway, I stopped playing since I knew who he was, and I had a feeling anyway.

Today I find in my email, a lovely email..."why you're so frustrated,eh???  was nice talking to you too, loser.." 

I was tempted to email back, and then I thought...why waste my time? But I'd like to forward his nudie photo back to him and say, "losers sent out pics of their dicks and pull out women's tampons. Get a life, creep, and leave me alone. There's a reason why we haven't spoken in 2 years." 

I really don't understand why guys can't just move on.