I just found out that my trainer is a couple of years younger than I am. I always thought she was a few years older than I. Who said Asians always look younger than they are? And in the last couple of years, people have asked me if I have kids. Do I look like a mom?!?!?

There's a variety of things annoying me. I'm hoping to not devote too much time to each  of them.

1. The coworkers on my team all want administrative privileges to our area on SharePoint. They think they should have them. I do not. Would an IT group give administration privileges to everyone in the company? No! Same applies to SharePoint.

2. My coworker is on mat leave, but she still reads all the work email she gets. She often instructs me on how to reply to some of the emails. If she wants to say something to people on the team, she should send the email herself. I do not want to across as a replica of her. Also, her emails come across harsh and condescending sometimes. I do not want to project that image!

3. The anniversary card I gave Mr. Nick is sitting underneath a bunch of stuff on his dresser. How's that for showing some appreciation? Not only did I not get a card for our anniversary, but he says he hasn't had time to put the card out. It's been three weeks.

4. I have been wanting to put my name in for the 2010 Winter Olympics tickets pool for a while now, but I am waiting for Mr. Nick to see what events/packages he's interested in. Deadline is next week. I told him about this, sent him the link 6 weeks ago, and I left the printouts at his place for a couple of weeks.

I just want to write off today.

Last night was the Madonna concert in Vancouver.

I wish she'd write an autobiography. The woman is amazing! She went non-stop for two hours. She is in incredible shape.

The audio-visual portion of the show was awesome. BC Place Stadium is known for horrible acoustics, but where I sat, Madonna came out so clear and there was no echoing. Lainey from laineygossip.com thought the sound was "shit." I completely disagree. Madonna had a couple of monitors and skilled camera people. And the neatest part was this cylindrical thing that was seethrough yet was also a screen. It went up and down. She had a lot of videos playing to accompany her songs.

She played a lot of stuff from her latest album, and the old stuff she did play was re-done -- re-done in a good way. I can just imagine... "Hello, I'm Jose. I toured with Madonna as the accordian player." She either played her guitar and sang standing in front of a mic, or she sang and danced with a couple of dancers on the stage, or the whole dance troupe was out there. 

The word I would use to sum up the Madonna concert is AMAZING.

I'm glad I brought binonculars. Even though I was sitting high up, I was close to the stage, but the binoculars helped. Sometimes I watched the screens through my binoculars. The only time I couldn't get a good view using them was whenever the guy in front of leaned over to talk to his friend (which was A LOT), or when people clapped or danced. BWAHAHAHA I could feel the stadium shaking!

Her opening act was DJ Enferno. I couldn't see him and could barely hear his music, but I had gone by his myspace page and checked out some of his stuff before hand. He was good. He DJed during parts of the show, too. 

Madonna was in good spirits and looked like she was enjoying herself. There were a few standout moments for me.

When she sang She's Not Me, she had four of dancers dressed up looking like her from her earlier days: the Marilyn look, the dress from Material Girl, some bride, and some other one. Then she tore them a new one when she ripped off their wigs and slapped them around. Then she did some other song, which I think was Rain. I can't remember. I was too engrossed. It started off with these guys in long blonde dreads in kimono like outfits dancing. The cylindrical screen showed images of butterflies and stuff. She sang in the middle of the cylinder with the images going on around her. Anytime all the dancers were on stage were a cool moment. They all wore different costumes, and the choreography was incredible. Breakers, dancing in unison, skipping rope...a real visual delight!

She's made political statements, but those were really light this time around. She did this montage with images of people (Dalai Lama, politicians, Michael Moore), aftermath of war, and other political images. She was also in this montage and she kept repeating words, which I can't remember. It was pretty much..."You can make a difference." "Do something." etc. When Obama's image flashed on the screen, there was a lot of cheering, especially from the two ladies beside me. I am sure a lot of people from Washington state came up for the concert.

There were even Obama T-shirts for sale at the merch table. I wish I could have spent more time checking out the merchandise, but I wasn't even going to look since there were SO many people. The show was going to start soon for me, too. But there were accessories (posters, books, sunglasses, sweat bands), T-shirts, shorts, hoodies, and jackets. I wasn't going to buy anything, but then I saw people holding up their T-shirts. I can't believe I paid $50 for the T-shirt. It was printed on the front and back, and it only noted the Vancouver date. $45 would have gotten you a generic double-sided T-shirt. $35 for a single-sided T-shirt, and $25 for an Obama shirt.

And there were a lot of men attending the show. I thought there'd be more people dressed up, but there were only a handful. I couldn't undestand why one girl had her hair in foam rollers.

Happy Hallowe'en!

I find that reconnecting with people during retrogrades results in a brief interaction and then the relationship dissolves.

I got the sorry I needed to hear. We reconnected and briefly caught up. I fantasized about having a close friendship with him again, but now I ask whether there is a point?  I am a little undecided at this point. But when I am being told to make the effort to do the calling or planning, it makes me feel like I am the one who needs to make the effort. And he's the one who left in the first place!

(One of ) Mr. Nick's childhood friends is engaged. He and his fiancee are a great couple. They're going to get married in Mexico.

They're also throwing an engagement party. They've asked everyone to bring liquor...375 mL per person. They will also specify what each guest is to bring.

I find the request tacky.

They're getting married at a locale that will cost people a flight and accomodation to attend.  I assume they will accept gifts. And now they throw a party for themselves while expecting their guests to contribute to it. C'mon.

So do we still need to bring a gift? 

I probably wouldn't ask if they were my friends or if they hadn't asked people to bring alcohol to the party.

No, they are not poor. And Mr. Nick and I don't drink either. We'd be happy to supply some sparkling apple cider. BWAHAHA Anyway, the hosts will be supplying finger food and non-alcoholic beverages.

A couple of my friend had engagements party thrown for them when they got engaged...What is the etiquette around engagements these days!?

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

And blah!

I had to close my dad's cell phone account with Bell Mobility, and I was feeling ripped off. When he died, they wouldn't close his account without seeing a death certificate. It took me 6 months to get the certificate. In the meantime, they kept taking his bill payments from his credit card. (I should have canceled it -- my bad. I thought they would give the money back from the time he died.)

They also did not offer me the option of canceling his contract and paying a penalty. So ... it was like...I couldn't cancel his contract, and I couldn't close his account either. They wanted to see the death certificate to waive the cancellation fee.

I faxed them the death certificate and the pertinent account details along with a letter expressing my disgust that they would take money from a dead person. (My notary had informed me that Bell Mobility was not obligated to give me anything.) Anyway, they closed his account and credited 3 or 4 months of payments back to me. I was happy about that.

But...I am still waiting for the cheque. I will have to follow up on that soon.

And I am in the process of clearing out my dad's place (again). When I went there on the weekend, I found that Cindy had returned the things with sentimental value I had asked for (I had asked for other things back, but I guess I can always buy those things). I am REALLY happy about that. She also threw in some extras that I didn't know existed. But seriously, having her keep things that had been in my family for such a long time just seemed weird and inappropriate. 

So, I got back my dad's chopsticks and photos of my grandparents. I think there were some other papers of theirs that didn't come back, but I can't remember. There had been an envelope full of that stuff. She also returned my aunt's chopsticks. She died about 30 years ago. These chopsticks are all ivory and have their names engraved on them. I also got back keys...extra keys to my place and the safety deposit box I shared with my dad.

I can see someone moving out and leaving behind stuff that was of no use to them...but to take everything just seems so wrong.

He Who Must Not be Named and I finally got a chance to speak to each other.

It was a short but good conversation.

Even though we hadn't spoken in 4 years, I didn't find talking to him awkward and it felt really familiar. Kind of weird that way.

:)

I spent the afternoon with my mom yesterday. We grabbed some lunch, and then we went to my dad's to sort out some more stuff. I'm so glad she was there to help out.

Sometimes I get really annoyed by my mom, but yesterday was better. She even reached out for a hug...I think that was the first time ever?! Chinese people in her generation don't show affection or emotion very much, so hugs are ... unheard of. BWAHAHA

She's just gotten on the Internet, and I have her using gmail. She is still a little lost about saving, deleting, and archiving emails. I told her to keep her Inbox clean by archiving email that she may possibly want to find again in the future, and to delete email she knew she'd never want again. So yesterday, she was asking about "achieving" email. I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. She asked me what "achieve" was. And then she started spelling it.

ARCHIVE!

BWAHAHHAA AHHAHAA Ar-chieve. English is a hard language to learn.

I also took a Honda Fit for a test drive. Since we were allowed to take it out without having a Honda employee escort us, I drove to my old work complex and did a little "obstacle course". BWAHAHA Since we had no pylons, I drove in between cement barricades, and I practised my parallel parking. It was more fun than the Versa. I would have taken the Mazda 3 for a test drive yesterday, but I had to get home and get cooking.

I made a roast, and tried a "Doug's" method. It produces a perfect medium rare roast every time. You turn up the oven to 500 F and put your meat in 5 minutes for every pound. Then you turn off the oven, and leave the meat in there for 90 minutes without opening the oven door. EASY! But by the time we took out the meat, it was pretty cold. My oven cools down quickly. Also, my smoke detectors kept going off for the first 10 minutes, too! My meat was smoking!!

It was a busy weekend. If I wasn't with Mr. Nick, I was out and about running errands. I didn't get a chance to make a phone call I had planning on all weekend!

The end of today's work day can't come soon enough! I just wanted to get started on the weekend!!!!

Cooking
Baking
Moving
Car shopping
Grocery shopping
TV watching
Bratwurst
Canucks game
Laundry
Banking

Those are things on my list for this weekend!!

Not very appetizing.

I need some condiments.

I sent an email reply to my old friend, He Who Must Not be Named a couple of days ago on his birthday. Back in June, he sent me a rather cryptic email after almost 4 years of no communication. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do about it. It didn't have any  "I'm sorry"s; I guess it was an olive branch. I reflected on our old friendship...on what I could remember. Once people leave my life, I tend to forget a lot of the details. Given our history and that I considered him one of my closest friends, I decided I would reply, but I still wanted to wait until his birthday.

I wasn't sure if he would write back to me since I tried to be cryptic, too. (Ah, games! BWAHAHAA) But he wrote back, and we exchanged a few emails. I asked him why he wrote to me. To sum it up, he felt remorseful.

It would be nice to rekindle a close friendship. I'm not expecting us to be able to pick up where we left off since it's been so long, and I am sure we've both grown in different ways. I'll be giving him a call tonight. And if he shows signs of being a dog, I will cut him off.

I had this blog when our friendship blew up, and he knew about this blog. I don't know if he'd come by again, so I won't say anymore :-p

And I have been doing some more thinking about Mr. Nick (with a clear mind). What do you do when you're with somebody who think is engaging in self-destructive behaviour? Do you stick around and try to help, or do you walk away? His Crohn's has really gotten him down for a while now. I honestly believe that if he made some lifestyle changes, especially diet, that it would help him immensely. But he doesn't even want to try...not even for a short while. Obviously, I can't force him, but I find it hard to not get frustrated when he doesn't try.

I equate this to watching a 500 pound man who's had 2 heart attacks but still eats fried food and sits on his ass all day. It's just hard watching someone you love in pain but would rather suffer than try something to help it. All this time he's spent consuming more cocktails of drugs could be spent eating different foods. Why would someone choose drugs over something natural?

And is this my daddy issues creeping up? My dad suffered depression, and he just kept waiting and waiting for his anti-depressants to kick in. I just watched him change cocktails; I'm not sure he was ever on the best one for him. Anyway, he was counting on them to work. He didn't seek psychotherapy, do anything about his nutrition, or do any exercise. I've heard that people with depression often don't have the will do anything. I can't say he didn't hit rock bottom because he attempted suicide at least twice (got him hospitalized), but I'm not sure there was ever a point he said, "I want to snap out of this."

It's a really pretty day out.

My mood lifted when I went to the washroom. Maybe my full bladder was getting me down. I don't know, but I started smiling in the stall for no reason.

I must soak up some sunlight after I finish my lunch so I can soak in some of that Vitamin D!

A continuation of my rambling...

We have an official software release going out next month. Then a couple of weeks ago, they sprung on me that there was going to be a beta (pre-release). I have been scrambling preparing for this pre-release, and have not been able to get to my scheduled work. Last week when my boss was here, I wasn't able to do that work either.

They are asking me to produce something that I would allot two weeks for, but I have only days. And I think they just went ahead and released my unfinished work. It's not up to my standards, and some ESL QA guy made changes -- changes that displayed his ESL-ness.

But I can't do anything about it. I don't care! YEAH!

I'm still at my mental capacity for dealing with anything and having to make decisions. This is a long post and it's just me venting.

My mom called...she's been calling a lot because she's helping me out with getting the sale of my dad's condo going.

This morning's call was about condo insurance. I didn't even want to deal with it. My mom led a sheltered life while she was married to my dad, so she is still learning a lot. My dad took care of all the finances (during their 34 years of marriage, my mom never knew my dad's salary) and any sort of administrative work required. She doesn't understand that you buy insurance through a broker. There are many companies selling insurance, and there are many insurance brokers. She thinks they're the same.

My dad's condo has condo insurance. It was to protect his personal property in the case of fire, theft, etc. But insurance is valid only if someone is living there. I called his broker to update his insurance since nobody was living in the home. He told me to purchase a vacancy permit.

My mom knows this independent broker, and thinks she's the bees' knees. "She will come to you!" It is scary how easily my mom will trust someone who tells her something (but as long as it's not me). This broker says we don't need to buy any insurance because whatever personal property is left in the condo has little value. The place is practically empty (just some power tools, home audio stuff, books, and vinyl records.

I can choose to buy liability insurance and put it on my own insurance (in case someone hurts themselves when attending an open house), or I can buy the permit, or I can be uninsured ("Lots of people don't have insurance!" Yeah, well, those people are idiots. You hear in the news regularly when apartment buildings catch fire and burn down...but people end up homeless because they didn't buy insurance. A plane crashed into an apartment building in my city last year. Half the homeowners didn't have insurance. A lot of them have nothing now and still don't have anywhere to live.)

Bottom line is...my mom doesn't think insurance is important. But if you buy insurance, she thinks you're buying insurance from the broker, and she seems to really want to give her (and my) business to this broker. 

At this point, I don't care. I don't really care about anything right now.

I feel like giving up (not on life), but I'm not even sure what. On one hand, I feel like a zombie -- I'm just going through the motions of the day without thinking much. On the other hand, I feel really unsettled, like thoughts are zipping around in my head, but I can't focus on any single one of them.

I nearly lost it with my trainer this morning. "Just go to bed earlier." She says that all that time. I could definitely do that...if I gave up food shopping, eating, cleaning (oh wait, I've done that already), and other personal relationships. I really need a break from my day-to-day life. I use my dayplanner in my phone. On days I have something entered, the date is green. I have six non-green days this month. If I don't have to be somewhere in the morning before work, I have to be somewhere after work, and the weekends are busy, too.

The only slight relief this morning was during one particular exercise where I had to repeatedly throw an 8 kg medicine ball on the floor using full force. I imagined it was my trainer's head. I'm glad visualization is one of my strengths. Her head bounced and rolled, ponytail and all. It felt good.

I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted. I feel like I want to cry more and more these days. (It seems to be my body's natural way of dealing with stress. These tears are more of frustration rather than sadness.)

I'm still dealing with my dad's stuff, too -- trying to sell his condo, tying up his loose ends. Every time I have to do something, I just get sad. I miss him sometimes.

I used to wonder what was up with the grunters at the gym...I have become one of them. But that's only when I use heavy weights. No wonder I wasn't grunting before. I wasn't exerting enough energy!

I've been working out with the Olympic rings, and those are a blast. I have some new-found respect for those gymnasts doing tricks on the rings. I can barely hold myself up for 5 seconds! Right now, I just do pushups and pullups with the rings. Only two more weeks with my trainer! I am looking forward to taking a break from her.

Last night I talked a bit with my hypnotherapist (on the phone), and I am kind of surprised by how much she remembers what I tell her. I got her caught up on the major goings-on in my life. From the last couple of times we've talked, she's made me think about my relationship with Mr. Nick. I feel like I'm at one of those points where I need to think about what's best for me. Why can't relationships be perfect? Would life be as fun?

I am still exhausted these days. I'm not getting enough sleep or time to unwind. Her next group hypnosis session sounds interesting, and I'd like to go. Do I choose rest or my mental health?

Okay, this post has nothing to do with fairies, and if that's what you're looking for...then move on.

My boss has BO. Sometimes my office mate has BO, too. Put the two together, and I become the meat in a stink sandwich. Do you know want to know if you're a little stinky? I think I would rather smell BO if I had to choose from a variety of bad scents.

Yesterday was a stinky day. I was in a closed office with my boss and coworker for a meeting. And like a typical Vancouver day, it was pouring rain yesterday. There was a lot of wet stink on the bus. And some smoker sat next to me on the bus. Gross. I've noticed that I smell a lot of cheap perfume and smokers when I walk to and from work. I can't escape it!

I've had a lot of food mishaps recently. I wish my kitchen floor was cleaner. I've gotten to the point where I have given up on cleaning for the chance to sleep/unwind/veg/etc. Last night, I made a salad for lunch tomorrow and the lid wasn't on properly. WHen I went to put the salad in the fridge, I dropped it, and then salad was everywhere (including the dressing). I debated whether to throw it away or put it all back in the container. I didn't have anything else in the fridge I could bring for lunch. Guess what I did?

Then this morning, I was about to eat some organic smoked turkey breast that I got on the weekend (I still have to blog about that!). But the container fell off the counter and landed open-side down, and all the turkey fell on the floor. I was hungry and didn't have time to prepare something else for breakfast. Guess what I did?

I keep a lot of boiled eggs in the fridge now so I can have a snack if I want. I just keep them in their shells. I was about to put one in my lunch bag this morning, and I dropped the egg. Of course the shell cracked and exposed some naked egg white! I don't know what was with me and dropping food in a time span of 12 hours.

I wrote back to Auntie #8, and  thanked for her the advice a couple of times, I guess she could see through that I did not appreciate it. In my reply, I basically said that Cindy wasn't trustworthy, and I asked her to not speak to Cindy or anyone else about my dad's estate. I guess I should have been more clear that I didn't want her talking to anybody about anything related to my dad.

Because after she received my email (and writing me back), she called Auntie #6 to tell her about my response and what advice she had given Cindy.

Then Auntie #6 called my mom tell her what Auntie #8 said.

And then my mom called me to tell me what #8 told #6.

I was tempted to write back to Auntie #8 to remind her to not talk about anything with anyone, but I won't. At least Cindy will be out of the country for a month or two next week, which will keep communication to a minimum.

My boss is in the office this week.

He talks a lot.

No time to work or surf!

Okay, this appetite eating thing is really starting to get annoying. I had a horrible workout today because I was getting light headed and felt weak! My body doesn't want food but it needs it. I don't know if it's from recovering from my cold or if it's my new birth control pills that are bringing on the nausea. I either feel a little hungry or I've overeaten. There is no in between, but feeling hungry is more comfortable.

And my sense of smell is really sensitive right now. It's like I'm a vampire! A lot of people just stink. I was walking about 10 - 15 feet behind smokers and women with cheap perfume on, and I could have hurled.

I got my body fat measured today. I can't wait to hear the results! I've gone down in the last 3 weeks, but I don't even feel leaner!

And it's my 2nd year anniversary with Mr. Nick today! We're going out for dinner tonight, and this weekend we have a relaxing getaway sandwiched in between rushing to a 2 year old's birthday part before and rushing home for Thanksgiving dinner after. Unfortunately, I left his card at home this morning. I even left it on top of my lunch bag so I wouldn't forget!!!

I also left my car insurance papers behind it. There is a program in BC which provides people incentives to scrap their old cars. Your car just needs to be 1995 or older to be applicable. In return for your car, you can either get a rebate for a fuel-efficient car, public transit passes, or a rebate for a bicycle (including electric). I think it's a great incentive! I just need to be approved before I buy a car. 

I wonder how much I could get my car if I traded it in...I kind of like the program because no one else will be driving my car. It's kind of like...if I can't drive it, nobody else can! My car was brand new when I got it. My dad and I had gone looking at cars. I took the Mustang for a test drive, and then I went camping for the weekend (it was my first and only time smoking hash). When I came back, my Mustang was waiting for me in the garage! Mmmm. I am going to miss my 'stang *sniff* We should have one more month together. I think I might have a good bye party for it. And get a picture of it on a cake! YES!

"Duff is in Shanghai watching yellow balls bounce."

Reading that makes me want to say this:

Don't you have better things to do than watch naked Chinese men jump and down?

Anyway, I *think* Duff is watching tennis.

My trainer has an interesting accent. When she says "pregnant," it sounds like "prignant" or sometimes "preegnant".

I hate when she jokes that I am. Ever since that cold, I've had no appetite. I get hungry but at the same time I feel full, like I've overeaten. I can describe it all in Chinese, but is there a term for that in English? Indigestion?? I don't even want to drink water. And when I eat, I just feel a little nauseated and ill after. How do I get over this??

I steamed more cauliflower (and rinsed it thoroughly this time!) last night, and I just found it really stinky. I hope I can stomach it when I eat it. I brought some with me to work today. While I was sitting on the bus, I kept smelling something stinky. It kind of smelled like an unfresh woman. I started thinking it was me! Anyway, I had to get something from my lunch bag a few minutes ago, and I smelled it again. I was thinking, "is it me?" And then I realised it was the cauliflower.

And I LIKE eating cauliflower, too!

I put some Beach Boys tickets on craigslist a couple of months ago (a month before the show), not really expecting them to sell. But they did! Come to think of it, there was only one buyer that showed interest, but he contacted me shortly after I posted the ad. I even made a tiny profit.

Today I put some Madonna tickets on craiglist. I think my prices were either on par or slightly lower than average prices already posted. They had 4 original different prices for the tickets, and I have no idea which tickets went for what. I just know mine weren't the cheapest nor were they the highest. No responses yet! There are a lot of tickets for sale. I wonder if anyone will buy mine?

It's a mercury retrograde right now, which points to "no". I may have to lower my price at some point, but the show is in 20 days!

This retrograde has been full of computer glitches and running into old boyfriends, which is not unusual. Last week I saw The Woman while I was at the bus stop, and on the weekend, I saw The P Man. Unfortunately, he was unavoidable.

I also have to sell my dad's condo and car now. What a wonderful time for this!

It's been a good day. I picked up my letters of application. I just hope neither take long to sell.

It's been a long time since I've had phalanges exposed. I don't know what else to call them...nailbeds??

Last night I noticed one of my toes having a weird sensation. When I took a closer look at it, most of it had been ripped off! I wonder how that happened...Was it from wearing heels?

I had to remove the nail since it was still clinging there.

One thing I keep forgetting about when eating organic produce is to clean off bugs thoroughly. It always happens with broccoli.

Cauliflower was on sale recently so I bought some. I steamed it and ate some last night...noticed a few bugs here and there. No biggie, I just picked off the cauliflower with buggy bits. I was just about eat some for an afternoon snack when I noticed how many bugs there still were in my cauliflower.

How does one wash cauliflower really well?!? Obviously soak and rinse doesn't get the bugs off! Are they safe to eat? Do they provide more nutrition? Is that way I found my cauliflower a little bitter at times? I am a little grossed out to see little bugs' legs on my food.

My lawyer tells me the letters of administration should be ready in a couple of weeks. *fingers crossed*

I don't have the energy to deal with Cindy right now, and I hope nothing else comes up for a loooong time. 

And I am really tired of following my trainer's diet recommendations today. Eating should not be this stressful! Here are some suggested rules (aside from the original ones...no starches or processed food, and eat only organic vegetables, fruit, and lean meats):

-eat more nuts
-eat more protein
-eat more anti-oxidants
-eat more vegetables
-don't eat soy
-take a break from your protein shakes
-change up your diet
-eat watercress
-eat cilantro
-eat cinnamon
-eat coconut oil
-have you eaten more watercress yet?

Her big thing with me right now is heavy metals in my body. She thinks those are the reason for me being tired all the time. Fair enough. But over the last couple of weeks, she has been really pushing me to get my fillings taken out and getting a heavy metals test. I already told her I had a dentist appointment booked. But she still keeps asking. And she has told me to eat watercress and cilantro.

Okay, I can add those to my diet, but is eating 10 pounds of it in a week going to lower my toxicity levels in a heartbeat??

I am still a little skeptical of some of her recommendations. She wholly believes that if you eat only leans meats, fruits, and vegetables, that consuming full fat dairy products, eggs, and other foods high in saturated fat (butter, coconut oil) won't affect your health.

Thanks to pirategirl for organiziing!!!

1) Real name, (or tBlog name if you'd rather not share your real name) :
Amanda

2) Where are you from?
Earth! My mom pushed me out from her womb in a hospital in Richmond, BC, Canada.

3) How old are you?
31 and 5/6

4) Favorite color?
I like my pinks and reds

5) Favorite kind of music?
Electronica, golden oldies, rock, R&B, jazz...pretty much anything but country or western or hardcore rap or death metal

6) Favorite Movie?
It used to be Double Happiness, but I outgrew it. I don't have one anymore :'(

7) How long have you been posting on tBlog?
Since November 2003. I came here when the was an exodus from mblog. I don't think anyone from there posts here anymore!

8) What got you interested in blogging in the first place?
Good question. I used to write in a journal and it was very therapeutic. When the Internet came along, I found that I was no longer writing in my journals since I was spending a lot of time online. I thought a blog would be a good way to get back into journalling.

9 ) What other boards do you post on?
Futurelooks. It's pretty quiet there now, but it used to be a somewhat active discussion forum for techies.

10) Favorite website(s), (other than tBlog)?
Google! BWAHAHA

11) Dream vacation?
It's a tossup between Italy and Turtle Island. One of these days I will get to both those places!

Q: What do you call an optimistic banker?

A: One who irons 5 shirts for the week!

BWAHAHA oh ho ho ho

That was the fun for the day. On to more serious shiznit... You know, I am still on a high from hypnotherapy session. Yesterday, I also went to see a channeler. Unfortunately, she mostly talked about me and Mr. Nick! She sensed I had a gentle soul but one that was also very grounded. I wanted to talk about my dad and Cindy.

Apparently, Mr. Nick and I have shared multiple past lives together but the one that was most significant in this lifetime was one where we lived in temples. I guess he was my wife. I was very controlling but not abusive. In this lifetime, I'm supposed to learn compromise, and what she kept hearing was "relax". 

She tried to channel my dad. She asked me if he had a heart problem. She also said he wasn't coming in totally clearly. Usually people who are depressed come through really well. I told her he passed away in February. She said his soul was still being rejuvenated. Anyway, she said she sensed that my dad wanted me to have all his earthly belongings, and Cindy (even if she did love my father) was in the relationship also for convenience. She was also hoping for more material goods after he passed on.

Tomorrow, I am going to email her a copy of my dad's letter...She keeps talking about respect and love, blah blah blah, but she is so full of shit. My father clearly stated that everything in his home belonged to me after his passing. If she loved him, she would have my best interests at heart and not her or her kids. If she respected him or me, she would understand that his things should go to me or anyone else in my dad's family before her.

What I really wanted was a glimpse into the future in this regard! *sigh*

Oooh, right. I got all stressed out about Cindy again yesterday. That tends to happen when family members try to involve themselves. My mom called me because she had spoken to my aunt who ran into Cindy at the temple. Apparently, Cindy was looking to be in bad shape. (Good acting?) Cindy mentioned the TV to my aunt. She probably made me sound like I was giving her a hard time about taking my dad's stuff. My aunt doesn't even believe me when I told her my dad wanted me to have everything. So my mom was all like, "don't cash her cheque...just only ask for a few things back."

And the best part of all was Cindy telling my aunt that she JUST got a certificate in the mail that states that she and my dad were in a common-law relationship. Apparently, she already told me about this. Of course not. And I don't even know if such a thing exists. Isn't the point of common-law to be in a relationship without pieces of paper? And how do you get such a certificate if half of the couple is dead? And especially if they've been dead for 8 months?

I wonder what she is up to. 

It's funny that Cindy keeps bringing up "common-law relationship" repeatedly now. She never used the term before?

Since 2002, I've been volunteering at the Vancouver Asian Film Festival. It's always the first weekend of November. This year, the first weekend comes late! And I might be out of town since I have the opportunity to make it an extra long weekend.

:'(

Just when I thought I ate all the grapes in my container, I found one more! That made my lunch! YEAH!

I had my last (or second last) hypnotherapy session last night. I feel like I've taken happy pills now. I just feel at peace, and that is what I like about my sessions. Mmm....aaaaah....

I am still choked about the whole Cindy thing, but I see things in another way.

My dad is gone. He's not going to care what happens to his stuff now. It's of no use to him. I don't need his stuff, and it's not about its monetary value. If it makes Cindy feel better to surround herself with his stuff, so what? Is my life going to improve if I stir up some conflict with Cindy? Would it make me feel better to put her at unease? I know I will be at peace with whatever actions I choose to take, and I will let karma take care of Cindy.

Mmmm...hypnotherapy...I can't even remember what happened during last night's session. There were many times when I'd come to a more aware state and realise that I had no idea what she was talking about. Sometimes I suspect I've fallen asleep, but it's just my subconscious taking over. Apparently.

So yesterday, I sent an email to Cindy expressing my disappointment and surprise that she took everything, especially she moved in with nothing. All along I knew she felt that my dad`s things were also her things. All along, I`ve felt she is someone who moved into my dad`s place and not his life.

She sent me an angry response to my email. Of course there was no apology. Instead, she said she moved out of my dad`s place out of love for him, and that she had turned down many of things that my dad wanted to give her, like an allowance. She said she wasn`t contesting his `will`out of her love for him. She complained that by moving out my dad`s place, she was forfeiting her rental income since my dad said she could live there for `free` after he passed. (She had her own condo that she rented out.) Then she accused me of being ungrateful for her help in China when my dad passed away. (Like if I was grateful, I should let her have everything.)

Let`s see...

1. If she really loved my dad, I think she would do what was best for me and not her. She took EVERYTHING...stuff he had before she knew him. She`d known him for several years, and my dad knew me for 30+.

2. She went behind my back to try to get extra copies of my father`s death certificate. Her sister held on to MY money to pay for it thinking that I would have to go through HER to get the death certificate.

3. The first thing she did when she came back to Canada was move her kids into my dad`s place even though my dad said she could only live there ALONE. When confronted about it, she said it was only temporary since she was going to buy my dad`s place.

4. When she first came back to Canada, she said she was going to buy my dad`s condo. For months she avoided doing it and then decided that she didn`t want to buy it anymore. For months, *I* was the one paying for a lot of the its expenses.

So, in my POV this is a woman that I barely knew because my dad never wanted her to appear to be anyone significant in his life who lived with him and traveled with him. After he died, she moved her kids into my dad`s place to live with her and had me also supporting them. And then after several months, they all moved out taking everything.

So last night I went to my dad's to check things out to get the keys back.

For some reason I thought when Cindy moved out, she would take what she came in with and a few kitchen items and some furniture. Isn't that what a normal person with integrity and values would do? I did NOT expect the place to be EMPTY. She took everything except for a few items which I noted I had wanted. I thought I'd have time to sift through what was left. She didn't just move out; she moved herself and whatever was left of my dad.

Now I will have to email her a list of everything I want back. She couldn't understand why I would want his tools. Well, why would she want them? Geezus!

I am quite mad about this. The ONLY upside is that the place is pretty much ready to be on the market. It's frickin' EMPTY.