I am getting the feeling that Bridezilla is playing some sort of hand in all this stagette drama! Not once has she participate electronically about the stagette! But I hear through the bride to be all this communication that is coming from her. Bridezilla shared the list of stagette ideas with the bride to be asking for feedback.

Bridezilla was the one who wanted the committee of events. So lame. And TV Baker has no backbone. 

The bride to be sent out an email to 4 of us asking us for a Sunday that we're free because she's taking us out for high tea. Bridezilla asked her if Testosterone Girl was going to be invited. But she worded it like this: "Just wondering, and feel free to say no; I am just asking to know, but is Testosterone Girl invited to this? No worries either way" I didn't know BrideZilla was the boss of all this. If she or TV Baker had a clue, they'd notice that the bride to be and Testosterone Girl are not close. There isn't even a mutual like for one another.

And Testosterone Girl is extremely cheap. The bride to be has no issue with her being there, unless Bridezilla and TV Baker are holding back on doing stuff because of TG's budget.

So it's been whittled down to an overnight stay at a casino. I have no idea what else is planned. TV Baker found a package. I'm sure it will a FUN night. *sarcasm* We'll probably be there all day and night. None of us gamble. For about $125/person, I'm starting to think the package is not a good deal. $5 for $10 gambling credit, free upgrade for CERTAIN spa services, $20 meal credit, a T-shirt, free parking, frickin plastic beads, a chocolate shot glass, and free breakfast. Oh, and there is a special gift...

We stayed there the night before TV Baker got married. I got stuck with the hideaway.

The Godmother found a deal for the Fairmont for $100/night. This package is about $600. I know I should be more positive about this, but I know there could have been better places to stay for an evening. 

And to top it off, I gave TV Baker my dates of availability. She has chosen a date where I said that date was out.

"I'll also have relatives here around the last week of July to mid August, so to be on the safe side, I should mention that July 25-August 9 I would likely have a family thing" How clear is that? I like my friends -- I really do. But last year, I had to miss out on a family event because of another frickin stagette!

But I am addicted to sugar again!

When I was doing to the Paleo diet, I ate no processed food and had very few sweets, even fruit. Now that I have been snacking on some of my baking and other desserts, I am craving sugar! And I even enjoy it! When I stopped eating sugar, I actually did not like dessert. It did not taste satisfying anymore! I want to go back to that time.

Anyway, thanks for the words of support and advice yesterday. I did some thinking and I feel better and more positive. I also found John Gray's relationship blog. He wrote Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. There was some good advice on there that made me think. Obviously, relationships aren't easy. Going with my theory about everyone coming into your life for a reason, maybe I am still learning from Mr. Nick. Anyway, I'm not ready to give up just yet.

And OMG. I didn't want to be involved with organizing a friggin stagette, but I feel like I am. TV Baker has dropped notches in my book over this. Either she is being manipulative or she needs a backbone. She didn't want committees of people organizing the events, but she didn't actually tell Bridezilla that. All along, TV Baker was emailing with me and The Godmother about ideas for the stagette, asking for our opinions and feedback. She keeps saying Bridezilla wants to do this and Testorone Girl wants to do this. The point was she was supposed to organise something and we would help with the details.

But the bride mentioned to me yesterday that Bridezilla emailed her a whole list of ideas asking her for some feedback. TV Baker keeps wanting to meet to discuss for some strange reason, but on the outside it appears she has been excluding Bridezilla. But obviously, Bridezilla is participating in some way. We're not little girls. Why isn't there more openness about this, and why can't TV Baker just take charge? Is it so difficult to plan a fun night/weekend out that the bride-to-be would enjoy? It's not like we don't know her. We know what she would like!!!

For the last couple of months, my satisfaction with my relationship with Mr. Nick has been consistently dropping to the point where I am wondering if I want to stay with him.

Back in the winter, we started counseling. Before we went to Hong Kong, I reflected on our progress and realised that little progress was made. Things were going well when we first started, but I noticed him slipping back into old habits. I don't feel like a whole lot has improved since we started counseling. I am better at asking for what I need from him. But I don't feel he listens to me, and whenever I do bring up something I do not like, he gets defensive. Often, I feel that he doesn't listen to me because he is too busy looking for ways to disprove things I am saying.

One of my biggest beefs with him is that he doesn't keep his word. They can often be minor things, but every time he doesn't keep his word, it's a sign that he can't be trusted. We did a counseling exercise on my beef with this, and at the time, he seemed to understand that every time he doesn't keep his word, it contributes to me trusting him less. But when I brought that up again on the weekend, he thought long and hard for ways to show me that I do the same thing. His conclusion was that I didn't usually do that. So to me, that was just wasted time and effort to find something negative instead of focusing on moving forward in a positive way. (And anything negative that people do that remind me of my father, I think it strikes a chord with me. I always felt that my dad never kept his word.)

And doing my seminar, no doubt, is changing me. It's helped me tremendously into focusing on positive energy and going after what I want. I end up really noticing Mr. Nick's negative energy. I don't want him to bring me down. I could stick around and provide unconditional love to bring more positivity into his life, but honestly, why would I want to surround myself with that? Wouldn't it be better to surround myself with other like-minded individuals?

I'm also noticing patterns. My mentor says there are no coincidences in life. In the last while, every meaningful event that has come up or will be coming up, Mr. Nick has been unavailable. I'm hosting a presentation tonight. At first he said he'd come, but then he got mad with me when he said he might be going out for his sister's birthday. He got all defensive because he thought I was getting mad at him for making him miss his sister's potential dinner. So he said he'd go to last week's, but he chose to go his parents for dinner instead. What I was mad at was that he said he'd go but didn't tell me his plans had changed.

When I went condo shopping, he was away skiing. I didn't purposely exclude him from this big part of my life, but he wanted to go skiing that weekend, and I wanted to check out the new condo development. It all happened very fast. I put in my offer before the following weekend while he was at work.

And now I plan on getting moved by the end of June, quite shortly after the closing date in case I need to be out of my place by July 1, but he will be off doing a Ride for Cancer fundraiser and will be out of town that weekend.

So lately I have been looking for signs why I should stay with Mr. Nick. I don't feel happy when I see him. I feel love for him, and we do care about each other. I just really don't know if we are working out in terms of being life mates. I don't want to be with someone who is happy with reacting to events in life. I want someone who is excited about new adventures and goes out to seek them. On the outside, we're a great couple. We have fun, we have the same values, and we do want the same things in life. We could have a great future together, but I feel like there are things about him that I would just have to accept. And I'm not sure if they are acceptable.

I just wish a sign would fall in my lap.

I met up with Voldemort for lunch today. We got around talking to my place, and I told him I was going to rent it out. He told me he would rent it from me. The timing is actually really good.

It would be awesome if he was my tenant. I know he'd be a good one.

I'm scared to show him my place in its present state right now. It's cluttered and needs a cleaning. Stuff is piled EVERYWHERE! I showed him pics of my place from before I moved in so he could get an idea of the layout and space. But now with all my furniture in and boxes of stuff everywhere, it just looks tiny! I'm already embarrassed enough to invite people over -- how can I show potential tenants? BWAHAHA

My building allows pets, but I wasn't going to for my tenant. Voldemort wants a cat...I said I'd make an exception for him.

But mixing friends with business...gotta be careful with that. Guess I'll see if he is ultimately really interested. The feng shui of my place also isn't great, so I wouldn't feel totally right renting out to a friend. I'll have to disclose that information to him.

At work today, I found a chunk of a log in the toilet. It was quite well-formed. Looked healthy. There is one toilet where the pressure isn't enough sometimes.

The engagement turned out really well! It was fun, and the bride and groom to be had a great time!

One event down, two more to go. I'm still glad The Godmother and I are doing okay with the shower. The ...what nickname did I give this one again? TV Baker?? I forget. Anyway, she is still trying to convince me and The Godmother about going away for the stagette. Maybe she should focus her energy on trying to create something fun and memorable for the Poo instead. The Godmother and I made it clear (or so we thought) we didn't want to go away.

So the latest the suggestion is to go down to her parents' trailer in the USA for the weekend. That was already done for Bridezilla, and Poo thought that stagette was lame. TV Baker thought we wanted to go inexpensive. It's true we don't want to break the bank but that doesn't mean we want to sacrifice a good time! I just wish she'd stop asking us for our opinions and not really wanting them. I'd rather she just plan something, so I can deal with it. It's not like she's going to plan the stagette according to what I'd like! TV Baker is really adamant about going away for a weekend.

I'm so exhausted these days with my seminar and trying to lead a normal life, too! But on the weekend, I did a bunch of cooking as part of my promises to myself in the seminar and to make sure I have food to eat this week.

I pretty much refuse to go buy takeout for meals, and I quite adamant about making my own meals. It's not even a money-saving thing (is it really a money saver to make your own meals if you're buying quality food?). I always think that I eat more healthfully if I make it myself.

So on the weekend, I roasted a turkey loaf, made cranberry sauce from scratch, made a stirfry with veggies and pork, roasted beets, cooked beet tops, steamed cauliflower, boiled eggs, baked cookies, and baked a banana zucchini loaf. I think that's about it! That's enough food for half the week. Maybe I would get something pre-made if I trusted its nutritional content!

It put in a really happy place last night and then promptly knocked me out!

I guess my lips feel a bitter better and the throbbing is gone, but they're still quite irritated. Looking forward to those allergy test results!

I think I am having a reaction to something I ate. My lips are in pain! And they look really irritated! The last time something like this happened, I was eating a lot of raw carrots. Now I am wondering if this issue is caused by raw celery!

I want to rip my lips off my face!

I'll take some allergy medication later...But I scheduled myself for an allergy test next week. I'm looking forward to seeing the results! I've always wanted to take one!!

I don't have anything that comes to mind that I needed to post about, but I got some early bird Kings of Leon tickets!

I always wonder if those seats are really good, or if it'd be better to wait until the general sale. But at least I have tickets!

I think if I was younger, I'd be have been more obsessive about this band and would have memorized all their lyrics by now and joined the fan club.

There was a time when I went to a lot of rock concerts, and my favourite spot to be was front and centre. I loved and hated being in the mosh pit. Getting my face smushed into someone's shoulder and smelling BO were my least favourite experiences. But the energy around me and being close to the band was usually worth it!! I never did go crowd surfing, though. I was afraid I'd fall and break something!!

This lack of sleep is preventing me from being able to restore anything in my memory! I'm definitely napping on the bus on the way home today. I think it's necessary to be somewhat rested for hypnosis.

Anyway, this morning, I had a clear view of my new home from the bus, and it was awesome. Not so much the view, but actually seeing my balcony and knowing that it was mine and that I'd be moving into it relatively soon.

I also have a crush on someone. I seriously can't remember the last time I had a crush. Nothing will ever come of it, but I guess I am just attracted to his je ne sais quoi. He's a very positive person. I think I am most attracted to his can-do attitude. And he is also into physical fitness, too.

I attended my group meditation class last night. I really enjoy it a lot because I get to seek answers that require me to quiet down and pay attention.

I was thinking about how people come into our lives for a reason and how my life is different because of events that have occurred. I definitely wouldn't have gotten into physical fitness had it not been for my my car accidents.

The Godmother and Poo came to class with me, and I was thinking how grateful I am to have them in my life. They're both amazing women.

I feel great today!

I participated in some hypnotherapy on the bus today. I didn't allow myself to go very deep in case I fell over or off my seat.

I dropped some clean underwear into the toilet today. I contemplated throwing them out, but I've left them to deal with after I get home later. I'll fish them out with chopsticks and then give them a good wash!

Bridezilla offered to throw an engagement party for Poo because "she threw me mine." That's a great reason to throw someone a party right -- not because you want to? Anyway, the party invites were sent out a couple of weeks ago, and today she sent us an email about what "we" were going to do for the party.

Poo is not having bridesmaids, but four of us (her closest friends) are doing bridesmaid duties. The Godmother and I are throwing the shower; Bridezilla is throwing an engagement party, and TV Baker is organizing the stagette. A while back, Bridezilla brought up the idea of all of us sharing costs for all activities. I was not cool with that idea at all. A 5th girl is participating in some of the organizing but she won't be paying for anything more (she's also on the frugal side). She basically wanted a committee of people organizing each activity. Hello, too many cooks spoil the broth? And on top of that, it'd take too long to make decisions.

So I told her I would rather not split the costs for everything and that everyone's costs would ultimately end up being about the same. Besides, I don't like paying for things that I don't have a hand in. On the flip side, I wouldn't feel right telling people to pay me for something that they're not helping me with. (Last year, No. 5 organized TV Baker's stagette and told everyone how much to pay. She kept our costs low, which was nice, but I had no say in what we did. Not only that, she went the cheap route, like expecting the bride to pay for some stuff.)

So...BrideZilla sent out an email about this Saturday's party, like what "we" should think about for food, cake, drinks, and decorations. She said we should be mindful of the cost as money is tight for everyone right now. When I said I would help with the party, my contribution was going to be set up (maybe...I hate that kind of stuff) and to bring some dessert and appetizers. She wanted to throw the party, but it sounds like she wants everyone to pay! In the invitation, it sounded like everyone had to bring their own food. It's a 6 pm party...You'd think some food was provided? When Poo threw her the party, she threw the party. Food, drink, decorations were all provided. And the party is in 5 days...you'd think she would have started doing something about it sooner?

I can understand that due to a family emergency, she was not available (mentally or physically) to be around to plan a party. But Poo had asked her if she was sure she wanted to throw the party at this time. Bridezilla said yes. Bridezilla could have spoken up sooner about needing help for the party, and she could have also made it a potluck if she wanted to save on cost. But no...she is assuming people will chip in to pay even though most of us said that we did not want to split the costs.

When I reply to her email, I may just ignore the part about stuff "we" need to buy and offer to bring a couple of food items.

I thought I had finally gotten away from the old coworker who was always wanting to grab a coffee to catch up. I don't think we really developed a strong enough bond to warrant a catch up.

Anyway, he asked again recently.

I don't want to go for coffee with him.

I don't go to coffee shops regularly.

I don't have anything to say to them.

I would rather be doing something else.

So what can I do avoid going to coffee with him? Tell him what I just wrote? I can't lie and say I don't work in the same vicinity.

Good thing I'm not the kind of person who gets the runs when she's nervous because I am full of nervous energy right now!

I got the counter offer for my place (no surprises), and I just signed and emailed it back!

I just committed myself to a big purchase, and that is what makes me nervous!!!

But I'm also VERY excited!!!!!!! My new home is perfect for me - lots of light, big kitchen, great location. I CAN'T WAIT to move in!

And then I'll also become a landlord, too!!

Edit: And thanks to everyone who sent positive thoughts and wishes my way!!! Truly appreciated!!!

Yesterday, I saw some guys from the city working at an intersection. Maybe they were on a break. But what I saw was 4 people standing around a manhole and one person directing traffic.

They were laughing and having a good time. I really wanted to know what was going on!!

Um, yeah. There I said it.

Yesterday, a friend (that I'm not close to) on Facebook mentioned something about Molly RIP. I had no idea who Molly was. Today, she posts some note and tags me in it. The note was full of anger condemning her friends for not offering condolences.

That angered me. How dare she call out people for not offering their sympathies. It didn't look like she was looking for support; it looked like she wanted people to feel bad for her. And I am sorry for her loss, but yelling at people for not offering their condolences was a little dramatic. Why not use that energy towards your grief, girl.

She offered absolutely no condolences to me when my father passed away. First off, I had no idea who Molly was -- turns out was her dog. I didn't even know she had a dog.

But I do understand where she is coming from. I was disappointed by people whom I thought were my friends when they didn't say anything to me, and these people knew my dad. So I shrugged it off and now I don't think of these people as friends anymore. No big deal. You find out who your true friends are in such times.

Also, you can't expect everyone on your Facebook list of friends to see all your updates.  For those who knew my dad passed away and didn't say anything, that's fine. For everyone else, maybe they didn't know my dad died. These things happen.

Yesterday: Temp's perfume reminded me of sweaty feet.

Today: Woman sitting next to me on the bus wore perfume that reminded me of grape Hubba Bubba.

I'm forging ahead with a promise to myself to do 10 or more unassisted pullups on or before May 30, 2009. I want to get a pull up bar at home, but I'm not sure which is the best one out there. Can anywhere share knowledge with me about this?

I've read up on the Power Trainer Pro but apparently the quality of the product isn't that great. And then there is the Ultimate Extreme Door Gym. Any info would be appreciated!

And please think positive thoughts for me. I have found a home that I love and see myself living in. However, I just need to make an offer and have them accept it. I would like to see everything wrapped up on or before next Monday. So please! Think of me in my new dream home! Thanks!

tBlog wasn't down for very long, but when it went down, I wanted to blog about it. BWAHAHA

I did at my blogger blog. I had set that one up in case of emergency. But I've signed up at thoughts.com, too. 

I know I had been lazy about backing up my blog entries into a Word document. I should do that ASAP!

I just sent an email to Voldemort after reading his blog.

And then it occurred to me...I think he was the one calling me with the unavailable number!

He's out of town right now, and usually those unavailable numbers are calling cards.

I'll have to ask him if it was him, but if it was him, I hope he brings it up, so I can tell him that I don't answer the phone after 10, especially if I don't know who it is!!

Borrowed from PirateGirl!

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... Create a new note, copy and paste this message, delete my answers and type in your own. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known things about your friends.

Three names I go by
1. Rosie
2. Honey
3. Amanda

Three jobs I have had in my life
1. Retail salesperson
2. Movie theatre floorperson
3. Technical writer

Three places I have lived
1. In a house in Richmond
2. In a different house in Richmond
3. Another house in Richmond

Three tv shows I watch
1. Chuck
2. 24
3. Grey's Anatomy

Three places I want to go
1. Turtle Island, Fiji
2. Across Canada
3. Italy

Three favorite foods
1. Chocolate
2. Sweets
3. Unagi sushi

Three pets I have owned
1. Rabbit
2. Fish
3. ...

Three things I am looking forward to
1. Seeing how my seminar pans out
2. Seeing my relatives again in June and visiting Massachussetts
3. Sleeping

Three friends who will reply
1. ?
2. ??
3. ???

Three Favorite bands/ Artists
1. ?
2. ??
3. ??

Three Favorite teams to watch
1. Vancouver Canucks
2. Vancouver Giants
3. ...

Three favorite Drinks
1. Water
2. Soy milk
3. Almond milk

(I feel boring now...I was thinking about my list of 100 things about me, and that is really old...)

It's a full moon tomorrow! I wish I had remembered that last night! I always seem to cry two days before full moons.

I also forgot to mention that Stinky Girl wasn't as stinky yesterday at the gym. I even saw her on the bus after work!

I can't remember if I blogged about this either, but starting next month, my pay and work hours are going to be reduced. I am already trying to think about what I could do with that extra time. I have the option of taking one day off every two weeks, or I can "save up" a bunch. I think in May, I might take the 1 day every two weeks since I am so consumed with things to do and then save up after that.

Taking an extra week off in the summer when my relatives are visiting or to go camping in Portland would be very nice! I am going to go print off a calendar to do some calculations!

You know those bars that people stick in their doorways for doing chinups?? How well do they stay up?? I also got my TRX system yesterday. I want to become a pro at using it! In case, you're interested, here's the link. I'm still definitely a beginner!

I haven't gotten any more mystery callers on my landline, but last night, I was woken up from a deep slumber, shortly after I had fallen asleep after a long day.

Someone with an hidden phone number called me on my cell phone. GRR!

I went to a group meditation class last night. There was a lot of hugging (before and after the meditation...) Sometimes I wonder what will come of my personal relationships with others after I finish my seminar. My attitude towards life is changing and I think it will be forever changed.

I don't think I will tolerate being around negative people and when people say negative things. When you start noticing energy around people, it becomes very loud. When I see some people, I am instantly uplifted. When I see Mr. Nick, my mood usually gets worse. I met up with Mr. Nick yesterday for a quick walk. I just noticed that he made a lot of negative comments, even though they were just in passing.

Metaphysically (is that the word I mean?)...now I've lost my thoughts. I guess my fear is relationships from my life dissolving as I go on with life with a more positive attitude, or more specifically with Mr. Nick. I should work on bringing him up to a higher vibration.

The start to my seminar was awesome. I'd say more about it, but it would take too much time right now. The experience will help me achieve my goals, and I will grow spiritually. Anyway...I feel like I am radiating positive energy today, but I'm really tired.

And hungry.

This morning I journalled. We've been requested to do this -- to write our thoughts in the morning so we can unload all the stuff that is going on through our head over the previous day and night. I am still thinking about some of the stuff I wrote because of the questions that came out of it. I am also thinking about something I didn't include.

I went out for lunch yesterday with a few of my teammates. One of them told a racist joke, and I couldn't figure out why she would bring it up out of the blue. I didn't notice anyone from the ethnic group she was joking about near us. Nobody in our group was of that ethnic group either. And then it made me wonder what kind of jokes she had about Chinese people. I can laugh at colourful jokes if I know where the person is coming from, but I didn't know this person very well. Is she about white supremacy?

And yesterday while I was grocery shopping, I caught a glimpse of a guy that looked familiar to me, so I went back and took another look. I couldn't remember his name, and I am *really* happy about that. It means I've forgotten him. I do remember that the last time I saw him was at the same supermarket, when he was shopping there with his girlfriend. In this blog, his name was The Talker. He had completely lied to me about his status and obviously cheated on the girl he was holding hands with. Because after we made eye contact that day, we never spoke again, and he had deleted and blocked me on MSN.

Anyhow, back to my journey. The bug was put in my ear back when I was doing hypnotherapy. I can say hypnotherapy, for me, was life changing. It really gave me a new outlook on life, and without it, I don't think I would have handled the Cindy situation as well. So wish me well! This seminar is going to consume my life for the next 2 months.

Oh and last night, someone with an "Unavailable name and no." called me multiple times between 10 pm and 11:30 pm (about every 15 - 20 minutes). I do not answer calls after 10 pm, especially if I don't know the number. I figured if it was someone I knew or it was something important, they'd leave a message and/or call my cell phone. But no...whoever was calling really wanted a human to answer the phone. Well, I did pick up once, and then I hung up without saying anything. They called again one more time after that, and that was it.

If I was able to anonymously tell this girl, I think I would. Would you want to know if your BO was horrendous enough that people 20 feet away from you could smell you? I see this girl at the gym all the time, and I always cringe because I know her body odour, no matter where I am standing in the weights area, will offend me.

One thing I liked best about traveling around Hong Kong was that there were no obnoxious body odours or artificial scents either. I think most people there don't marinate themselves in products, or maybe the products there are just not as heavily scented. The only time there was stink was my Australian cousin's perfume, and some London tourists.

This weekend I am starting my YOU Leadership seminar. It's a 60-day thing. It sounds hokey but I think it will be empowering. It's about achieving your goals (which will be determined under hypnosis) via group support and your subconscious. Two days a week, I will participate in group meditation and hypnosis. I think one day a week I will be meeting for a lone hypnotherapy session. And I will be in constant contact with my partner during the week as well. Too bad this weekend is supposed to be warm and sunny. I will be indoors all weekend attending the first classes.

There was a woman on the bus this morning who didn't seem to understand a stitch of English. She was trying to get to a particular hospital. Since she couldn't understand the bus driver, she stood and yelled (in Cantonese), "does anyone on the bus speak Cantonese who can tell me how to get to St. Paul's hospital?" Luckily, a few people were able to assist her. She mentioned that she had never taken this bus before, and she was going to see her husband who got in the hospital yesterday. I liked her determination.

I think my car is starting to feel more like mine, and I don't miss my 'stang as much. One thing I like seeing are the sperm like water marks on my rear window. When it rains, I guess something drips on the window, and then the water trickles down like sperm tails.