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| Everyone's a weirdo 'cept me |
| 03.03.04 (9:39 am) [edit] |
|
Just kidding. There's no such thing as normal, anyway!! My mom mentioned that people from my side of the family is trying to convince my cousin to wait until 2005 to get married. But his fiancee's family wants her to marry by the end of this year...before she turns 32. :roll: Why the hang up on age? My younger cousin's wife was that way, too. She wanted to marry while they were the same age because she's what...half a year older than he is??! :roll: All my life (yes, really), this is what I planned: Go through school. Establish career. Marriage around 30. Kids after. This woman I spoke to said that in order to get what you want, you have to be clear and to express it. So far I have been following that path really well. I've been feeling happy these days :) But right now, I am fighting a cold. Paula and I went to see Decoys. What a horrible movie, even though I was pretty much expecting it to be bad. However, I thought it was going to be a thriller/horror rather than some sci-fi romance!! |
posted by: mblog (reply)
post date: 03.03.04 (11:01 am)
The reasons are often pragmatic. All that stuff about your biological clock ticking is true, like it or not. Fertility rates for women drop dramatically in the decade starting at age 30 from very likely to conceive to extremely difficult to conceive.
Having babies at age 30 is not so tough, but having them at age 38, and knowing that they will not start college until you are 56 is a bit different. If that's the first child, you could be in your 60's with the next if they even come.
Plus, it might be nice to be married for a few years before having kids. That way you get to do things when you want, and can go eat out or go to the movies because you feel like it. You won't have to worry about having to feed the baby or expressing some breastmilk to leave with a babysitter, or worry about whether the kids will get their homework done if you go out.
If you put off marriage until age 30 to establish a career, you are already putting it off quite a bit by historical standards. There's a biological reason why your body becomes fertile and desires sex at a younger age. It works out better having a baby at 20 who is out of the house at age 38 than the other scenario. But if you want to put it off to have a career, that's the way many people do things now and there's nothing wrong with that.
Indeed there's nothing wrong with waiting even longer to get married, but you have to look at the big picture and ask yourself if the gains and losses balance out.
You may look at this and say that 38 is not the same as 32, but most people have more than one child. If a woman marries at 32 and has a baby at 33, that's rushing it. Getting pregnant when the baby is 2 and having another at 36 is still a good pace. And then when Grandma says you have two girls and no boy and you need to try again, the third one is lucky to come by age 38. If you don't believe this part, check with Grandma.
If you don't rush it, but marry at 32 and wait two years to become pregnant, the child comes at age 35, and maybe the secon comes at 37 or 38.
It's not that I'm trying to push a side here. These are merely facts. You can look at them and decide that getting married at 35 still makes sense, especially if you are not in a decent relationship at age 30. As long as you understand the big picture, that's fine.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 03.03.04 (1:16 pm)
Reply to: mblog
I understand the big picture. I know I have goals before having kids. Actually, having kids for me right now is not a must. Maybe having a family will be more important to me when I have a mate.
posted by: emj36 (reply)
post date: 03.03.04 (8:40 pm)
Do what you think is right for you. As a 37 year old woman (we married when I was 35), I can tell you that I was surprised I could not get pregnant. Even with two rounds of in-vitro I couldn't do it. The doctors were stumped.
However, my sister-in-law is my age and she's on number 2.
If children are important, then I suggest talking to your gyn and making sure you understand all the things you could do to better your chances to get pregnant when in your mid-30s. While there are a lot of unexplained infertility issues, there are some things that you might do now that can affect your fertility later. Make sure you know what they are.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 03.03.04 (11:25 pm)
Reply to: emj36
Hmm...I guess I just take it for granted that I am fertile!! But I guess I will cross that bridge if/when I get to it.
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