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| Today's AWAD |
| 06.21.05 (7:21 am) [edit] |
|
dissemble (di-SEM-buhl) verb tr., intr. To hide true feelings, motives, or the facts. I should start putting the words I like in my blog instead of saving all the emails. I don't need to keep the history; I just want to remember the meanings. Another TV-less night last night and Big Brother 6 will start soon. Woo! An aunt called me last night. I hadn't heard from her in a while, and I'm not 100% sure why she called me because in our half-hour conversation, I think she did about 95% of the talking. First she wanted to talk about my parents. One of the few things that really gets my blood pressure going is my dad's sisters talking to me about my parents. Their problems started over 10 years ago, things got really bad a few years ago, and they separated over a year ago. I'm not even sure if the divorce is finalised but there was some paper work done back in the fall. So to me, parties involved have moved on. Well, my mom has, for the most part even though she's still bitter. And my dad -- well, he's just still blaming for all his woes on being married to my mother, and even though they're not married anymore, he's still angry about it. Anyhow...my aunt was still apologising and wondering what she could have done to help. I just can't stand how most of his sisters (let's say 5 out of 7) who didn't see him day-to-day and who didn't have a clue what was really going on could think they could just offer their advice and solve everyone's problems. I never did tell any of them how I completely disagreed with their points of view. I know they like my mom, but.. so what. My mom always knew how I felt, but deep down inside she probably feels that she's failed in some way because of her failed marriage. "People from my generation think differently." But her own father cheated on her mother, and my grandmother would not stand for that. My grandmother said had she not had kids, she would have left my grandfather in an instant. When my grandmother found out my grandfather was a cheater, he had already started a new family to which he stayed with for the rest of his life. My grandfather always showed up at family stuff whenever I visited Hong Kong, and he also visited us too when other relatives visitied. We just never spoke of his family. It was always obvious that my grandmother had a strong hatred for the man. My father's father cheated, too. My paternal grandparents stayed together, but they just seemed to live together forever. My grandmother didn't seem very loving towards my grandfather, but she knew it was her duty to stay with him forever. When I was a kid, I remember asking my grandmother if she was going to remarry after my grandfather died. She said, "of course not! What? Go off with another man now that you're grandfather's dead?!" Anyway, back to the phone call...then my (American) aunt told me of her retirements plans and was telling me of the costs involved. Therefore, she and her husband was going to immigrate to Canada after their retirement and take advantage of what Canadian taxpayers pay for. That kind of made me mad. She has this vision of growing old with her hubby and it doesn't matter if they have no family or friends. They'll just participate in more church activities. I quite like my aunt's optimism. Too bad I wasn't really in the mood for listening. I gave lots of mm-hmms and yeah's. I really wasn't sure where she was going with the conversation. Then she asked me how work was and if I was dating anyone. After that, she asked me how a phone call to my dad from her would be. I tried to be as honest as possible. Quite frankly, my dad just wants to shut everyone out. He doesn't want anyone talking about him, talking to him about him. He has no desire to talk to anyone. The whole shutting out bit kind of scares me because sometimes I think I am like that. We don't want people getting too close. I don't know what his reasons are, but for me, I think it's so I don't feel so vulnerable. Hmm, this turned out to be a rather depressing blog entry. I'm going to add another one. |
| 0 Comments |
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