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| Exhausted! |
| 07.20.05 (12:47 pm) [edit] |
|
It was a late night last night. I went to my frickin' family dinner. Neither of my parents went. My mom doesn't want to go to anything that involves my dad's family. Not that she hates them or anything, but she feels it would be less awkward, and she doesn't want to see my dad either. And my dad claimed to have forgotten he was teaching that night, so he wasn't there either. So it was two pairs of aunts and uncles and some friends of my Aunt #8 at dinner. Uncle and Aunt #8 were in town for a day, they were the ones who invited everyone for dinner. I love seeing family and all, but I've been just so stressed, right...and I'm just trying to do everything I need to do for my own sanity. And Uncle #8 is kind of pervy. Maybe his actions are innocent, but I've always felt kind of icky being around him. So yesterday, I knew dinner was going to be for 8:15 pm (man, so late. I was hoping it would be earlier so I could maximize my J Man time. The restaurant is less than 10 minutes away from his place.). I worked as late as possible, but still giving myselt some time to get ready. As I was about to jump in the shower, my aunt #8 called under "Private number," so I didn't answer. Turns out she left a message on my cell phone, which I didn't get until I was about to leave for dinner. She had wanted to get together for a "chat." When I saw her at dinner, she asked me if I had just come from work [because why else would I miss her call?]. After dinner at about 10:15, she suggested going for coffee. :roll: When I told her I had plans already, she tried to put a guilt trip on me. "I'm in town for a day, and you can't even spare some time for me?!" I knew I was saying things that would piss her off like ... "I already came to dinner," "you should have given me more notice." Then my other aunt chimed in saying how thoughtless I was for not even inviting them over to my place. So...it's okay to go out on a weeknight for coffee with an aunt but not so okay to have other plans. Asking me to dinner a week in advance gives my aunt priority over my time on how to spend it before or after dinner? Right. Anyhow, I feel she only wanted to get some time alone with me so she could grill me about my dad. I was clearly annoyed by her questions. "Is he still depressed?! So is that woman gone for good? Does he want people phoning him? What happened to his phone number?" I gave her his phone number, and told her to ask him what she wanted to know herself. "But... but I am not supposed to know these things!" So how could I not get annoyed? My dad's constantly complaining to me that all his sisters "gossip" about him. Is it really gossip when it comes to family? I don't know. Aunt #8 was complaining about how Aunt #9 spent soooo much money on finding a naturopath and accupuncturist for her cat at the dinner table. Of course Aunt #9 was not present. Aunt #8 is always the one that pissed me off about my parents' business. Whenever some event would come up, she'd have something to say to me. "I hear the house got sold. I'm so sorry to hear it. I guess it really means it's over." "Merry Christmas. How sad that it is your parents' first Christmas apart." It's lovely how she assumed I'd feel the same and empathise with her. But she wasn't the one who had to endure the years of yelling and fear and having a parent or two drag you into their squabbles. Maybe she would have enjoyed being in the middle. All the people who tried to "help" had good intentions, but offering an ear would have been better than trying to offer a hand with their suggestions. My mom always told me it was different in their generation and that you were a real failure if you couldn't keep your marriage together. I just can't imagine why I would try so hard to keep a husband who did not value me (the only compliment I ever heard my dad give my mom was that she kept the house clean), lied, and cheated. When my dad first moved out, they suggested she persuade him to come back or at least bring him some of her cooking. Anyway...I'm going off track a little here... I really dislike how people in my parents' generation don't understand my inability for spontaneity and that everything requires advanced planning. They get so offended when I am busy, and they can't imagine what I could be doing to be busy. :roll: My dad's constantly complaining about how bored he is. The TV is his best friend, but even with that, "there's nothing on TV anymore." Nobody believes me when I tell them I am busy, and they think I'm just trying to avoid them. So after dinner, I called my mom to vent a little about how my aunts were giving me a hard time about this and that. First she asked me if I was going to swing by to pick up some soup. I told her I wasn't going home, which got me another hard time. "Why are you going there again? What are you going to do about showering? Washing your face? Tomorrow's lunch?" Then when I told her I didn't have time before or after dinner to hang out with Aunt #8, she said, "well, you should have known! Of course you're supposed to allot a lot of time for out of town relatives. No wonder everyone says you're inconsiderate. You haven't even invited people over to your place yet, and you've been living there for so long!" Yeah, it's been almost a year. The place is a mess, and it's not all furnished, and there are boxes left to unpack." And when I said it was already a lot for me to make time for dinner, she suggested I see less of the J Man. I told her if I wasn't going to dinner, I'd be working. "Why do you have to see him after dinner?" I could not enable her to understand that by seeing him after dinner, I was maximising my time. I also mentioned that I might not see everyone for dinner Thursday and Friday because of work. "What? These people are coming from out of town, and you can't even have dinner?" No matter that they're here for weeks, that I will be less busy next week, and that we see each other 2 times a year. Then she asked about the soup again, but this time was, "so do you want the soup or what?" I told her no, which got me a "what!?" I was like, "I don't want it." She kept nattering on, so I hung up on her. Finally, I got to the J Man's place close to 10:30. It was so good to see him; it felt like it had been a while. We sat out on the balcony for a bit and then partied a bit. It was hard waking up this morning. I am still sleepy, and it's almost 4 pm. |
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 07.20.05 (2:51 pm)
You should just tell those people to go fuck themselves. Social time takes planning and that takes notice. They should know and respect this. Besides, you're a grown woman and if you can't or don't want to spend any time with them, that's just the way it is. As far as trying to guilt trip you into gossiping about your father, that's the final straw right there.
Seriously, Rosie, fuck these people. Sounds to me like the only thing you did wrong is give them the benifit of the doubt. Next time just stay home and "party".
posted by: dilerious (reply)
post date: 07.20.05 (9:50 pm)
yea..basically family sux...i feel for ya babe!!
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 07.21.05 (2:58 am)
Day-um. You have some serious family dynamics going on there.
As for their demands on your time: They probably are like my mother who just grew up with this attitude that family comes first. She really used to expect me to drop everything at a moments notice for family events. Finally, I just had to stand firm on that. Eventually she got the message. But I still have to put the family first for things. She just gives me more notice now. haha :)
Good luck setting limits with your family. Just remember that you are an adult and it is OK to do it even if they dont like it.
posted by: princessapricot (reply)
post date: 07.23.05 (3:43 pm)
Ooooooo..........how I sympathize with ya sista! It all sounds so friggin familiar. Sigh.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 07.25.05 (12:08 am)
Reply to: newbie
Thanks for your support *L* No matter how frustrated or mad I get with my family, it would take a lot for me to leash out at them. At least some of these people I don't see all that often.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 07.25.05 (12:10 am)
Reply to: dilerious
Thanks, sweet cheeks...It's only good when you have supportive family.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 07.25.05 (12:12 am)
Reply to: rosietulips
Thanks, lynne :) Family is important to me, which is why I do try to put them first. I just hate seeing the look of disappointment on my mom's face whenever I say no!!
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