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| Tired |
| 08.23.05 (4:39 am) [edit] |
|
I have this habit of setting my alarm clock to pm instead of am. I was wondering why there was such a deafening silence when I woke up this morning. I am glad I woke up nice and early, too. I was exhausted last night. Class was interesting. We got to pose people in a studio setting. I have to use 3 of my shots for my next assignment. I also got my first set of assignments back, too. 46/48, baby! The details of my dead flowers were blown out, and I had not even noticed. I also went by the J Man's to get the last of my stuff. When I asked him about getting my stuff in the afternoon, yesterday, he was not keen on the idea at all. He said it was too soon for him and would rather wait a few days. I, on the other hand, didn't see the point of waiting because I just wanted to get it over and done with, and then we could all move on. I was pretty much fine all day yesterday, but the tears started as soon as I saw him. I know there is just something that doesn't make us a fit, but I really liked him, and my feelings went deeper than the surface. We stood outside for an hour just kind of us holding each other (and me holding that casserole dish). He kept saying he should go, and I'd say nothing. I thought it was going to be a very quick exchange of stuff, but we'd just kind of not move. During that time, I wish we were still together-together. It felt right. But when we were together-together, I made him "miserable" (ouch!), and I just couldn't be myself. Things were great when we didn't have to talk to each other :wink: A couple of times, he was like, "so we're never going to see each other again?" And I'd say "yes." I don't see the point of trying to have a friendship. We didn't start off as friends, and the chemistry/physical attraction would get in the way. He said I was welcome to contact him at any time. It almost sounds tempting, but no. Maybe some catharsis happened while I was with him (my goodness were there a lot of tears :cry: ), but while I was driving home, I felt insanely calm. I felt fine and knew we made the correct choice. I even felt good. But this morning, waking up to a slightly dark, empty room felt lonely. I also realised I was sleeping in the side of the bed that he's always on when he stayed over. Waking up beside him all snuggled up was one of the best feelings ever. I guess this post was kind of sappy. :oops: Now I am sad again. But I should go get ready for work. And today, I'm going to pick up my paper instead of after work. Someone had stolen my paper yesterday but was kind enough to leave the wrapper behind!! :x Yesterday, the Documentation pair, my manager, a project manager, and the consultant met up to discuss possible job positions. It didn't go exactly like I thought it would. My manager asked questions I had not thought of, and he brought up points I had not considered. :oops: I might be moving into a Knowledge Management Specialist position. Up until about a couple of months ago, I didn't even know what knowledge management was. I'm not really sure I'm a good fit for the job, but I am dying to move up in my company. It would also mean moving away from tech writing, which I don't really want to do. I created the job description for the KM specialist and another one for my current job. We would likely find a replacement for my position, but I think it'd be better to find two of me, just for the workload. |
posted by: jennjr (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (4:51 am)
I am glad you still feel okay with the decision not to see J man anymore. I know it's hard, but there's something to be said for knowing you made the right decision!
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (5:53 am)
Reply to: jennjr
*sniff* *L* I just can't wait 'til I stop seeing reminders of him everywhere. *L*
posted by: jerneedog (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (6:00 am)
Good luck with the new postion. Let us know how it goes.
posted by: jennjr (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (6:01 am)
Reply to: rosietulips
**HUGS**
I know. It's still a fresh wound. Go ahead and take a day or two and let yourself feel good and sorry for yourself. I mean, take your phone off the hook, stay in your pj's, watching Lifetime movies, eating ice cream out of the carton sorry for yourself. Sometimes, it helps to just grieve a lot of it out at once, versus being "strong" when inside all you want to do is cry.
posted by: AmyHCAlum (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (8:35 am)
Good luck getting past the J Man thing: breakups suck. I like JennJr's suggestion. Make sure you get ice cream w/ lots of gooey goodness (like ben&jerry's one sweet whirled or something)
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (9:39 am)
Reply to: AmyHCAlum
Thanks :)
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 08.23.05 (9:39 am)
Reply to: kurtmaddox
Thanks! :)
posted by: princessapricot (reply)
post date: 08.24.05 (9:13 am)
You know, I left my favorite brownie dish at an exes house and never got it back after the break up. So, the image of you on the front porch, J on one side, the casserole dish cluthced firmly in your grasp - is one of both humor and insight. What's Charlotte's break up rule? The length of recovery is equal to the length of the relationship? Tears will fall, but your heart will heal. I promise. Kiki
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 08.24.05 (9:50 am)
Reply to: princessapricot
Why didn't you get that brownie dish back? Thanks, I know I will recover eventually. Time's the only thing! I heard some rule was that recovery time was 1 week for every month together.
posted by: princessapricot (reply)
post date: 08.24.05 (1:33 pm)
Reply to: rosietulips
Someone please teach me how to do an external comment! - I didn't get the dish back because he never sent it back to me...even after calls and requests and offers to help out...I joke and say it's buried in the backyard with his third wife. Long story, but ultimately the reason why we broke up.
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