Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2008 October
2008 September
2008 August
2008 July
2008 June
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
2007 July
2007 June
2007 May
2007 April
2007 March
2007 February
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 July
2006 June
2006 May
2006 April
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
2003 November
My Links
My Photoblog
100 Things About me
My flickr stuff
Are you here?
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
| ++I'm okay now |
| 10.15.05 (12:40 pm) [edit] |
|
But my emotions were just running a little high. I really hate having to "deal with" my father, and I feel really guilty about it. I'm always the one expected to take the first step and to continue the relationship, and it's really hard when I don't like being around him. A couple of weeks ago, I kept trying to contact him, and he'd never answer his phone, and he didn't reply to email either. So finally he calls back, and lets me know he was out of town. "I didn't see the point of letting you know since you never call anyway." :roll: So last week, he called, and asked if I had a key to my mom's place. Actually, it's not my mom's place. She is living in my uncle's home right now...kind of a housesitting thing. But the house is right next door to where we used to live, so we had pretty much free rein to each other's homes. He wanted to borrow the key to get into my uncle's garage to get some stuff he had left there. He said he wanted his lumber back. I lied and said I didn't have a key because I wanted to consult with my mom on this first. I knew she wouldn't want him going in there on his way to grab whatever. [I really hate how I know exactly what both my parents' reactions are to such things.] So I told her of his request, and she said to just tell him that the lumber would be left outside and he could just grab it. I figured I would tell him that or that I would go with him to get the stuff. That was my plan. So today, he called and left a message. When he doesn't leave a message, I know it's a hello kind of call. Those calls don't come anymore. I called him back, and he said that my life insurance policy was due, and it would cost about $800. He wanted me to go pick up the bill. He's been paying for this for me for quite some time. I went over there, and I was like "you don't sound well" to at least fake some sort of conversation. And he gave me his usual sarcastic "well, I'm not ready to die yet." And usually I say nothing or give a sarcastic, "well, that's good." I could tell on his phone that his mental stability is not very high right now. I gave him the candy that I bought for him from England. "Heh, I don't even eat gummy bears." And they weren't even gummy bears. They were the "new" Jelly Fruits. Whatever, I only bought something for him because he'd complain that I didn't, and I knew he'd have something negative to say. He got right down to business. And showed me the bill for the policy. It's due before the end of this month. I told him I didn't have the money for it, and I asked if there wasn't a way to pay monthly? Then he got mad, and he said, "you've been working for HOW long, and you don't even have a couple of hundred bucks?" And I said, "no, that's not a couple of hundred bucks; it's almost a thousand, and I don't have that kind of money right now." So he was furious and said he'd pay. Then he asked about the key. I told him I didn't have one, and that mom could leave the lumber outside. He said he didn't want just lumber and that he wanted to see what else was there. And I was like, "well, I can go with you to get your stuff." And then he was like, "what, doesn't your mom want me there?" I said nothing because I didn't want to actually say the truth. "Why did you have to say anything about the lumber?" implying, all I had to do was get him a key [to my uncle's house]. I seriously hate how my parents just want to me lie to both of them. And I hate how they want me to do the speaking for the both of them. When my mom wanted the divorce papers, she wanted me to ask my dad for a copy. And now the key and lumber thing...:roll: I came home and was kind of mad about that visit because my dad was mad at me for not getting him a key to my mom's house. You know, if she doesn't want him there going through the garage, I'm not going to help him out. I offered him an alternative, and he was mad that he didn't get his way. I was all set to call my mom to vent about this because she had told me what to tell him. Just then, my dad called. He keeps calling me a particular phone number. I thought maybe he had used someone else's name to register another land line, but when I looked up the number, it was for a home that wasn't his address. Sometimes I want to call it, and ask for my dad. I didn't think he'd have gone to someone's place so quickly. After all, my dad lives down the block from me. So right away, he was like, "I just wanted you to know that I'm disappointed it in you. I ask you to transport something, you don't. I ask you to get something for me, you don't." And that just set me right off...One thing I really hate about talking to my dad is that, he doesn't listen. He interrupts, and that is actually the only thing. He interrupts, and doesn't let you get in a word edge-wise. I cut him off...I don't even remember what I said anymore. I know I told him he only calls to tell me what I've done wrong or how I've wronged him and how he's never around. When I brought up how unreachable he was, he was like "well, YOU said you were going to call after you got back from England." And I did, and then he went out of town. And then started his usual listing of all bad things I've done. The one I actually heard at this point was how I was going to give him a computer but he "had" to go buy his own. I lost it again. I had already BOUGHT him a computer, which is useless to me and it's still sitting in my room. I told him when I could get it to him because I wanted to upgrade some parts, but he wanted to show what a bad daughter I was, so he went and bought his own. That kind of reminds me of the time when he said he would help me move a cabinet up to my apartment for me. I went over to my old house, and I patiently waited for him to do "just one more thing." And then I didn't want to wait anymore, so I just moved the fricking thing on my own. I remember, but am I holding it against him? I don't know. I just know that I have a great mistrust of my dad, and his word is no good to me. He's probably why I am so reliable when it comes to other people. If I give my word, you have it. I just remember many times where he's said he'd help with one or another, and he'd never do it. And my mom wonders why I am so uncomfortable with asking for help from him or anyone? So after a bit more yelling from me...and maybe my dad realising that I wasn't going to see things his way, he said something about getting old and to forget it. And then he hung up. Maybe he'll be mad enough to not pay for that policy, but he wouldn't even listen to me when I asked if there was a monthly payment option. He said there wasn't, and just kept nattering on how it's possible for me to not have any money. And well, that's just another thing. I let myself get into debt, and I admit that I haven't been good at long-term planning. I am going to try harder to pay down my short-term debt as quickly as possible. I didn't think springing that bill on me was that fair. It's due in 2 weeks. Telling me ahead of time would have been useful because then at least I'd be able to plan in some way. And my mom keeps wanting me to get money from my dad because he said when he sold his last town house, he'd give me some money from the sale. Then he said he'd do it after the divorce. Both things have happened, and he's not said anything again about giving me money. And now he's complaining about paying for this bill. I do want the policy. What he was going to give me would have more than covered the policy. Ugh. I was so upset after that phone call with my dad, and when I called my mom, all she could hear was crying :oops: I told her what happened, and she got mad. She is still bitter when she hears about my dad's other women. So she was getting all mad again when I told her dad was keeping score of the time I didn't take that suitcase for his woman. This is a woman my mom feels broke up their marriage...so...yeah. So she was like, "just ignore him." I know she is torn, too. She wants me to have a relationship with my father. She knows how difficult he makes things for me. So I don't know. Do I really have to try to have a relationship with a man who is bad for my emotional health but who's provided with me my necessities, including my education...which was all in the past? I do feel like I have to repay him, but I just can't see myself having any kind of father-daughter relationship with him, either. |
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 10.16.05 (9:03 am)
Just curious, why do you need a life insurance policy anyways? I mean, you dont have any dependents right? I have a policy because it is a benefit of mine through work but it is only for 20k or so which is basically enough to pay my debts and bury me.
Anyhow, about your dad. I am sure you dont need someone telling you this but he is manipulating you. It is often really hard to set limits about that sort of thing but you might want to talk to someone who can help you with that. I know that it has made my life easier to be aware of it when people do that to me and to set limits. it has improved my relationships too
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 10.16.05 (8:09 pm)
Reply to: lynne
Well, I already know my dad is the master of manipulation...I've seen him in action enough ;-) But as for life insurance, I was asking the same thing, too...what do I need it for since I don't have any dependents, but when I retire, I can always use the money as income...so it is an investment.
posted by: princessapricot (reply)
post date: 10.17.05 (4:53 pm)
Sometimes, a little bit of distance so you can heal yourself is a God-send. After that, you'll be better equipped to handle conversations with dad. Because, sadly, he's set in his ways...and the only person you can change, is you.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 10.18.05 (7:28 am)
Reply to: princessapricot
And I'm too stubborn to change right now :) I'd rather just avoid my father all together.
www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from RosieTulips. Make your own badge here.