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| ++Good morning? Not really |
| 11.15.05 (7:14 am) [edit] |
|
I went to bed late, and I really should be getting ready for work. Blogging counts, right? I'd be doing this at work, anyway :-p I made an appointment with the electrician again. It appears that everyone in the building is going to get their breakers re-installed. This means I might see that cute electrician again?? And my mom called. I wasn't really expecting to hear from her today, and our conversation wasn't about much. *sigh* In fact, the conversation turned a little sour when we talked about my dad and how I did not contact him. I really don't like that the onus is on me to make the relationship work. When I was a kid, I used to dream about how I once moved out of the house, I'd never have to see him again, but I would mail him money. Maybe I just want things the easy way. Yes, I'd like to have a civil relationship with my dad, but not when my situation is like this. I told my mom he can't treat people the way he treated her, and that I don't want him treating me the same way. She said it was different for her. I can't stand how he mashes people's self-esteem, and then expects them go crawling back to him with peace offerings. I really can't be the bigger person here. I remembered when I was younger, my dad told me to make him some watermelon juice. For some reason, I hadn't, and got yelled at...the usual "you're good for nothing" speil. And feeling really guilty, I did eventually make the juice, and I even wrote a note, apologising. Was that event ever spoken of again? Of course not. My dad has difficulty saying thanks, too. So I have all this resentment towards my father which is preventing me from making an effort to do anything with him. I'm not ready to get over it yet. I don't hate him, though. Ugh, this post leaves me heart heavy. I try to avoid thinking about stuff like this. There are happier things going on my life. Tonight, I'm going to see Prime, and this weekend is Harry Potter. And you know, I don't like the roller coaster of attention I get from a couple of guys. It goes from a lot to nothing and then a little bit and then nothing. I have a hard time when people are just a bit in my life. I prefer them to be in or out, and then I need to know how much they'll be in, so I can gauge my efforts. I hope that doesn't sound too cold. Lately (like the past 2 days?!), my mind has been preoccupied with someone. He's not physically here, yet, though. |
posted by: kreativekat (reply)
post date: 11.15.05 (8:41 am)
I'm going to prepurchase tix for HP, Getting exited just like a lil kid :)
I don't think one person should be the one to try to keep a relationship together. It's a group effort.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 11.15.05 (9:25 am)
Reply to: kreativekat
I still haven't finished reading HP 4 yet! I got through a couple of chapters on the weekend, and that's it! I've barely started, dangnabbit...I am definitely looking forward to seeing this one.
And as for my dad, I guess in my culture, I am expected to make all the effort. But having grown up here, I am expect a little more from him!
posted by: 14u2nv2 (reply)
post date: 11.16.05 (2:52 am)
I can totally understand the "in or out theory". I deal w/that feeling also. Don't tease me..as you said..either you're in..or you're out..and if you don't make the decision..I'll make the decision for you..(terminated)
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 11.16.05 (8:45 am)
Reply to: 14u2nv2
I'm totally like that too...if I am unsure of someone, they end being out of my life!!
posted by: 14u2nv2 (reply)
post date: 11.16.05 (12:17 pm)
Reply to: rosietulips
Yup..I just can't deal with it.
posted by: princessapricot (reply)
post date: 11.16.05 (3:53 pm)
Woo hoo! Harry Potter! I can't wait...this is my favorite book of the series and I'll be front row center for the show :)
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