No wonder I had problems Googling for more information on them...I kept spelling it wrong. Anyway, I bought some of these sheets at the sex show. I was a little worried they weren't going to be deep enough for my mattress. I am still a little worried, but I guess I will see after they come out of the wash. I will probably need help getting them on since there are doodads to go underneath the mattress. My mattress is really thick and heavy. With my old one, I could flip and turn it all on my own. There is no way I could do that with my current one.

Sportsheets are bondage sheets. Even at their Web site, you have to dig around for a clear understanding. They remind me of flannel, but they come with these velcroed parts, and you can attach tethers to these parts. No need for tying things to bed posts anymore I was dying to buy accessories at the show. But...it's not like I have a partner at this point in time. And this is something I'd break out on the first night anyway.

**begin long post...here begins my babble. The more public friendly stuff has ended!

It's a little weird how things can go downhill so quickly. Over the last several days, The Talker and I had been ... talking... a lot. It was great. Maybe things got intense too quickly. Anyway, we were out a couple of nights ago. I'm not sure what happened. I couldn't handle the talking, and I snapped. We were in my car after dinner in the process of deciding what to do next. I decided that I wanted to call it a night. I told him I couldn't handle the talking, so we were in my car for the next 3 and a half hours doing more talking. I was a little worried that he was going to freak out in my car or something. I thought we got past whatever it was.

The yesterday, he messaged me telling me had been doing some thinking over the events that transpired the previous night. I had a bad feeling about this. He started giving me his points of view on the kind of person I was, how I felt about him, etc. This was all too much for me, and I seriously didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it. I was at work, trying to get stuff done, and  I was tired. It was a lot of going around in circles and I was really tired of it. I felt like I was in some debate or he was saying things that I had to prove or disprove. Then he was all "I just like and want to get to know you better. I'm not making you defensive. I'll leave you alone." But he he didn't. He talked to me some more...tried to get me talk. And he tried again last night. And this morning.

All I needed was some space, I think.  

But I felt kind of badgered. 

"You are ..."

"You probably..." 

"You seem..."

"You...you...you..."

How could I not get defensive? I told him I didn't want to deal with it at the moment, but he wanted answers *now* And that is how I felt.

And then the whole "you didn't really like me...never have anything nice to say about me...respond to my compliments like they don't mean anything..."  What am I supposed to say to that? And I was *really* tired of saying "I don't" after every time he said, "you have all these other guys anyway."

Flashes of the tall J Man came back... 

No matter what I said, I couldn't win with The Talker. He had already convinced himself of whatever reality it was. Nothing had changed since our evening together, but by the next morning, he had decided in his head what the truth was.

Talking to him also reminded me of arguing with my dad, which is probably why I just completely crumpled. This is the dad situation...My dad makes a point. I disagree. He tries to convince me of what he is saying is right, etc. I say something otherwise. He either tries to convince me some more or twists my words so that they complement what he is saying. Over time, I just learned to shut up and give the ol' YEP and UH HUH. It would be just easier to let him think he's right than to go on with a knock-down drag out argument/debate/etc.

I couldn't deal with the drama either. It was at the point where I asked him what he wanted from me. I couldn't say to him "well, you said you were going to leave me alone." He would tell me he was going to leave me alone, but come back and apologise and try to start a conversation with me. I am just passive that way. If he wanted to not talk to me anymore, I would have just accepted it. I am really used to people ditching me. I guess that is kind of cold, but I am just not the kind of person who tries to change someone else's mind when they've stated their choice.

It's unfortunate, things turned out in such a sour fashion.

He did bring me back to some issues that I've avoided thinking about for a while.

1. Blogging...why do I do it?

2. Blogging about other people...is it fair?

3. My "coldness"

1. I can't explain why I blog other than I like it. I claim to want privacy, but my blog is on the Internet. I don't mind regular readers, but I'm open (to a point) because it's not like my blog is famous. I don't have an answer for why I don't just type everything in a Word file. I mean I enjoy reading about people's lives. Maybe I figure someone will get just as much enjoyment out of my blog.

2. The things I say about people...they're things I would say in person. Is it fair to talk about other people when I am not considering their privacy? My blog is still about me. I try to talk about my experiences with other people in relation to me. If their privacy is compromised because someone else is looking for dirt, I can't do anything about that. It's not my job. I have not said anything that would compromise someone's safety. And I've not made up any lies, so why be afraid of the truth? Of course some things are better coming from the horse's mouth directly instead of finding discoveries on the 'net. However, I am also in the school of thought where you should be careful of what you wish for. Seek and ye may receive.

3. I am very guarded with people, i.e., guys, I am getting to know. I'm not going to be affectionate and cuddly right away.  I don't even see myself as a cold person. And I seriously don't understand when someone calls me cold. And then they can't even give me an example when I ask. There was one night when The P Man left my place, and I had something to offend him...not sure what. He just kind of had his mouth open and said to me, "you are *so* cold." And I was like, "what do you mean?" But then he left. I dunno. I just know that I'm not a cold person and especially towards people I care about.