Today I was feeling extra crappy. And I am just waiting for this crappiness to pass. I worry about getting into a funk...I worry about becoming depressed since depression is common in my family. I don't think this funk will really pass until after this year. I ordered a couple of books today off Amazon, and neither were _Freakonomics_. One of them was _Surviving Saturn's Return_.

I know a lot of people don't buy into astrology, but I do. I don't mean those daily horoscopes in newspapers. Those I rarely pay attention to. Right now, I'm going through my Saturn return. Everyone experiences it from the about the age of 28 - 30. I did some more research on this period of time. This about sums it up:

Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. According to Hand, "Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being."

Even though your Saturn Return may be disturbing, ultimately it reveals what you truly want and sweeps away the clutter that may have been impeding your progress. Your Saturn Return is a personal spring cleaning. No matter how difficult it seems to let go of inappropriate people and things, the first Saturn Return is the time to do it.

A lot of the material I've come across deals with career...Things are moving for me there, but it's my personal relationships that need work. I guess this is the time. All my dealings with men are staring me straight in the face right now.

"If everything feels like chaos, if your relationships are breaking down and you’re questioning your career, your friendships, and your very life, it is likely that it’s just the ripples of your Saturn Return descending."

So in the meantime, what am I supposed to do?? Just be a complete recluse??! Or just stay away from men...I seriously don't think they are good for my health right now. 

My friends asked me how my Valentine's Day was..."what about all your boys?" I know I am not dumb when it comes to certain things. I may mention a lot of guys and have a bunch floating around, but there is absolutely no substance. I feel nothing for them, and I just know nothing will pan out with these dudes I've blogged about.

After I met with Fish Boy Saturday, I did send him an email to say I had a good time, and it took him 'til today to reply. He's normally very speedy with email, so I knew he was trying to think of the right words to say to me. My intuition is good. Anyway, he told me that he had a good time and after "pondering and re-pondering" our day together, he decided that things with me would not pan out in the long-run, which is what he is looking for.

One one hand, I had that feeling right from when we started talking. Well, maybe not, but he had this granola-ish, buddhist philosophy on life, and from that...I just got a feeling. That, and he freaked me out a little when he told me right away that he was smitten with me. But I didn't know one date could be a predictor for the looooong-run.

Which brings to my latest thoughts on Internet dating. I've been pondering about this lately. It's a great way to meet people, but it truly sucks. I think with all this point-and-click action, people don't take the time to foster relationships. They know someone new is right around the corner. I used to be that way when I wasn't seriously wanting anything, i.e., a relationship. No more of this Internet dating for me.

So back to the Saturn return...it occurs every 29.5 years for everyone...I guess around my parents' second Saturn return, they divorced. I can't wait for my book to arrive. I think it will be really interesting to read.