Dammit. I'm not including him in my list of retrograde people...He's not human.

I found out my stalker ex is still alive. I'm not usually vindictive, but I wouldn't be sad if he was dead.

I was surfing at this band's Web site. I went to school with these guys, and I was wondering when they'd be playing in town again. I also went to their guest book. (I had met this ex through the bass player in the band. He was dating my best friend.) And lo and behold, this ex had left a message for  the guy. He left his full name and his city, so it was likely to be him. I felt sick to my stomach.

This ex was not only my worst dating experience, ever, but he was the worst thing to ever happen to me. I guess in the grand scheme of things, life could have been much worse. But I still feel the residual effects.

The feeling of helplessness was the absolute worst. He wouldn't leave me alone after I dumped him. We dated for 6 months, but after the first month, I dumped him once a month. He was very hard to get rid of. But finally I cut him off completely...I'd hang up on him if he called, and I just ignored him. I guess that pissed him off.

He'd drive by my home, ICQ my friends and threaten to post private photos of me on the Internet. Back then, digital cameras were not that popular, but scanners were quite popular. He mailed scanned photos of me to my parents. Luckily, I intercepted those twice. But I couldn't stop the one that went to my mom's work. That was the last straw that made me go to the police.

Before going to the police, I had done the following:

1. Tried getting to Hotmail support because of this freak. I only got a canned response.
2. Tried contacting his ISP. They told me his IP was not assigned.
3. Tried changing my phone number. They told me they didn't change phone numbers just because.
4. Unregistred my ICQ # *sniff* Even though ICQ sucks now and I rarely use it, it was still a very small number.

There was no way to stop his behaviour.  

My experience with the police was not that great. I wish I had stuck with the female officer the first time I phoned. But I ended up dealing with a male officer who did not seem too worried about my situation. I showed him logs of the conversations, the tape of the phone messages, and the photos (that was horribly embarrassing).

"He just sounds like someone who can't let go." "Even with all this stuff, you'd still have to prove it was him at the computer."

Anyway, I couldn't get a restraining order because my ex hadn't done anything criminal. All the officer could do was phone my ex. As they were not in the same jurisdiction, he couldn't even visit my ex. He left me with a "if he does anything again, let me know right away." He did not like the the lawyer that was helping me either.

I got some free legal advice at school. The lawyer thought the officer wasn't pulling his weight. The lawyer was great. He wrote a threatening letter to my ex, ordering him to return  all the original photos, etc. And then due to a family emergency, he had to leave the province. I ended up with a new lawyer who was not very concerned with my plight. I think I could have hired him for a cost, though. *eyes roll*

So after I got my stuff back, I got a Christmas card from the ex, so I went to the police again. The officer phoned again and spoke with my ex' mom. I never heard from him again after that. I think? I just remember him telling me that I ruined his relationship with his mom. And at some point, he got pissed off at me because he apparently tried to commit suicide but I never called to see how he was doing.

I called him The Stalker, but the police file on him says he was "harrassing" me. 

I wonder if he realises what an impact knowing him had on me...how helpless and powerless I felt...not to mention the embarassment. I was naked in my photos. My mom saw them. A couple of my male friends saw them, too. I wonder if he regrets doing any of that. I wonder if he remembers. I know I won't ever forget.

Because of this experience, I can never ever find stalker jokes funny. People who joke "oh, I'd like to be stalked..." think stalking is the ultimate sign of flattery. Well, it's not. It's not fun wondering when your stalker is going to pop up next or what he's going to do.

Thank goodness for the people I was going to school with. We were a close bunch, and they were very supportive. I couldn't go to my parents about my situation. They would have been more concerned that I was naked in front of a guy and more worried about saving face for the family. My dad has no idea this ever happened. And thank goodness for my friends who were there for me. 

I don't treat guys differently since The Stalker, but I'm not so much into the having my photo taken thing these days. BWAHAHAHA 

My dad had met him...after the first meeting, my dad told me this guy was not good enough for me. I think I had defended The Stalker and even tried to appeal to my dad's soft side by saying The Stalker had been abused as a child.

Can people overcome being abused as children? Do they become freaks? I'd like to believe that people can fully recover. Now I am just babbling. Both The Stalker and The Talker were abused. I use the term "freak" loosely, but I have used the term "freak" to describe them.