I have a friend who hates sweats. Apparently, only people who've given up on life wear them. BWAHAHAA

I have to admit I have been feeling rather pessimistic lately. I realised that I haven't had a real boyfriend in over 4 years. I know I've dated a lot over the past several years, and the constant disappointment is getting to me. I am even starting to feel uncomfortable when I am with my closest friends. They are all talking about marriage, and they all live with their boyfriends.

And then I wonder if I am even cut out for relationships. I'm such a freak with my expectations. And then I worry that I'd get bored. BWAHAHA

And my dad came over for his Father's Day dinner tonight. It wasn't too awkward, I guess. It was his first time having dinner at my place, and I've been living at my place since August 2004. He didn't complain too much about the food, but seriously, why couldn't he just remember that I was trying to do something nice for him. And it is still really hard seeing him depressed.

I sure use a lot of "ands."

Cute Butt Boy called me tonight. I am too old for games. I'll call him tomorrow. I was having a dumb debate in my head. "Should I call him if I don't hear from him tomorrow?" "Should I offer him a bit of a chase?"  Sometimes I feel like I gave him an ultimatum even though I absolutely did not, which makes me worry whether his actions are based on his wants or his fears.

I am going to practise being a softer person even though I have no idea how the hell I am going to do it! Supposedly, a feeling of security will come to me when I let myself feel vulnerable. I would just never want to appear needy. But I know I can come across like I don't even care.