I'm mad at my father again.

He's been in Hong Kong for about 3 weeks, and he hasn't called to leave a contact number, like he said he would. That's not so surprising...every time he says he will do something, it's a guarantee he will NOT do it.

I've been picking up his mail for him, and I noticed that his I-don't-know-what-to-call -her gets more mail than he does. Why didn't I get the memo about her moving in? I guess it doesn't matter since I've never been introduced and I just see her at random times.

She needs a title. I'd prefer something derogatory and that will give me some sort of idea of what her relationship with my dad.

He's back next week. I want to shove all her mail back into his mailbox and leave his mail in his place. He had directed me to leave his mail in his place, sorted. I don't know why I even sorted it. Collecting his mail is one thing, but sorting is just too much. Throw out the junk mail, he said. Like a robot, without any thought, I did it.

I wish our relationship could just dissolve as if it never existed because we sure don't have a relationship now. I would be fine if we never had contact again, and I will probably feel relief the day he's gone for good.

And I feel guilty that I think he's the biggest disappointment of my life. Maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty if he didn't think he did a fine job of being a dad. His measure of paternal success was being able to finance my post-secondary education. Even as a kid, I fantasized about how life would be when I was older. I envisioned mailing my dad a monthly cheque and not ever having to see him again.