You see, growing up, I always saw my dad being extremely touchy-feely with my mom in a pervy way, and I’m sure subconsciously that’s how I think men show love (I am touchy-feely in a pervy way, too) . It doesn’t help that other people tell me I’m attractive because I want to be attractive to Mr. Nick. When I tell him I don’t feel attractive to him, he reassures me that I am. But I don’t really feel it.

And it would help if he made a move on me from time to time. With me making the first move most of the time, I feel like I’m not very desirable and especially if he’s not really into it. I have this fear of having a horrible sex life for the rest of my life. I don’t ever want to be in a relationship again where there was hardly any sex. I think my threshold has been a year where I either dumped the guy or gave into temptation elsewhere.

Mr. Nick and I talk about this regularly (again last night) but I’m not really sure what it’s going to take for me to feel better about things. I don’t think my wants are ridiculous, and I don’t think I am counting on him too much to boost my self-esteem. Or maybe I am just too insecure and need to do something about it. Ugh.