You know your parents aren't always going to be around forever, but I don't think anyone can ever really prepare for the inevitable.

I'm sad to say my dad passed away yesterday morning.

Regular readers may know that my dad and I didn't have a good or close relationship [I do have a lot of anger as well.]. So I do have mixed emotions. I am sad that I'll never see or talk to him again, and I'm extremely glad I talked to him the night before he passed. I decided to phone him, and we chit chatted. It was one of our usual conversations, and he sounded to be in really good spirits. He was talking about coming home, and all his plans in the next month or so.

He passed away in his home in China. I have no idea where he lived and he only gave me his phone number last week. Good thing his "friend" has been able to contact my aunts in Hong Kong. Right now, we're in the process of having my dad's body transported to Hong Kong. I feel horrible that I'm so far away from all the action and that other family members have to take care of this stuff. I feel like a little girl, seriously. So I won't be doing much in terms of funeral arrangements, etc. until the body is in Hong Kong. After that, he has to wait in line to be cremated. (there is also this communication problem because I don't have a large Chinese vocabulary.)

And at this time of year, it could be a lengthy wait. My mom tells me that right before certain Chinese holidays, there are a lot of deaths, and it's Chinese New Year. It could be a couple of weeks before my dad is able to be cremated.

In the meantime, costs of the transportation and storage is accumulating. I'm so lucky that there are people who are able to look after the details in the short-term. I have no idea how I am going to pay for anything. I almost can't do much until I get a death certificate.

And my dad had no will. He said he wrote down on a piece of paper what he wanted me to do in the case of his death. I hope there is something more substantial listed in his safe deposit box, but I don't think there will be. All he said was to give some money to my aunt and that I could keep the rest of what he had. I don't think my name is associated with any of his assets. I tried really hard to get him to do up a will, but for some reason, he just wouldn't. He thinks his next of kin would get everything.

I am not so sure...He has been living with a woman for quite some time, and legally, she's his common-law wife.

Ugh. I am going to have to seek legal advice.

I went to his apartment today and tried to find as much documentation as I could in regards to his finances and life. I found some things but probably not enough. There are several people I have to contact tomorrow. I went onto his computer, and luckily there was no password. I went into his Recycle Bin and found an old email he had deleted with the subject title "Will." Back in the fall, I think he plans to end his own life. My dad was depressed and medicated. He had typed out some instructions for me, which he had already told me verbally.

Even though he was depressed and had suicidal thoughts, I think his death was natural (or accidental?). He didn't say any good bye (and he was in a very positive mood the night before), and he died in his sleep. His friend tried to wake him up in the morning. I don't know if they will find the cause of death. Him dying in another country makes things a little more complicated. I think there was a good chance he had a heart attack or stroke.

I keep joking in my head about the mercury retrograde...during this time, you should be prepared for anything going awry. It looks like there is fairly big chance that my Vegas trip will be canceled. I don't know how much of a refund I can get back for everything that is already booked. And I am weeks away from quitting my job and starting a new one...I don't know what my timing is going to be like. I won't know until my dad's body is back in Hong Kong. I'm glad my aunt is accompanying him back.

My dad always said he didn't want a funeral, but he's also the kind of person who would probably be mad if nobody acknowledged him...so I am not sure what to do about this. I was thinking of something small. His ashes are going to be thrown into the sea, which is what he wanted. My mom asked me if I was going keep any of his ashes. I really don't want his ashes in my home. She suggested we have them at the Buddhist temple and I could go visit there. I think that is a good idea. If there are more legal hoops to go through in regards to transporting ashes, I may not bring any home.

And I'm not really sure how my mom is dealing with this. Their divorce was finalized in 2005, but they fought for over 10 years prior to that. My mom still has a lot of anger towards my dad, and I almost feel weird asking her for help. However, she doesn't hate him, I guess, and she's taking care of a lot of things. I think she is sad and mad. 

My dad wasn't old. He was only 60.

RIP Dad. :-(