Because of where I have to be…I have had to cancel a trip I booked less than a month ago, I have to miss my cousin’s wedding, and I have had to postpone starting my new job. Is there a higher reason why everything is happening RIGHT NOW?

I had only three big things in the foreseeable future. And I’ve had to miss out on them in some way. I’m sure he’d feel horrible if he knew how many things I have to accommodate. (Please dad, don’t come back in a spiritual form to tell me! It is okay. I forgive you even though my life hasn’t gotten any easier).

My mom is trying to sympathize with my situation, but like she said…this will be the last thing I will ever have to do for my dad.

I always knew it would be a difficult time for me after his death (not emotionally yet…I have no time to address that side of me right now) because of his refusal to have a will done. He never said why he didn’t want a will. He just assumed that his next of his kin would get everything. I tried to explain to him that the law doesn’t see it that way in Canada. I also told him a letter was useless, which is what he has. If would have been maybe useable if he had 2 witnesses sign it.

It is going to take a while for me to be assigned as his estate’s executor. First, we must determine if his “friend” has a chance of being it. It will make things much easier if she decides that she isn’t entitled to anything.

His finances are going to be a headache for me. In his letter, he said he wanted me to have all his stuff that he left behind. He told me to be wise because it took his life time to acquire. Maybe he should have done a better job of protecting it.

He has unpaid debt that was not insured. It will have to be paid from the money he would have given me.

He has joint accounts with other people. That money automatically goes to the other person. It was probably all his money, but that is not going to me either.

He has a condo, and he said his “friend” could live there indefinitely at no cost, provided she was living there by herself. She may not accumulate many costs, but I’m supposed to pay for her expenses? With what? I can’t support myself and some stranger.

After funeral costs, legal fees, the rest of his debt, and my travel expenses…what he left behind will not come to very much.

As a traditional father, he felt his utmost duty was to provide me with the bare necessities, and he did a great job of that. He also wanted to ensure that I was somewhat provided for after he was gone. I am trying to honour that wish. It’s probably why I am a little riled up. I wouldn’t really care if he left nothing for me behind. It’s not his money that I am after.

What would probably make this experience for me immensely easier is if I actually had someone who could just take over and do some of the stuff I have to do. I’ve categorized things into: funeral, legal, travel, and finances.

I really have no one to help me. I have no siblings, and a mother whose English is horrible and has always had people do things for her. She really is not a resource to help with sorting out my dad’s stuff,  I think my mom is helping the same way she would if she was still married to my father. She complains about my complaints every time I tell her about a roadblock.

I really hope things will start to get easier.