Maybe I'll post about the funeral+ stuff later. There's been a lot of action in that department, and lots of family politics. Maybe the best way to have a good relationship with certain relatives is not too spend too much with them...

Today, we tossed my dad's ashes into the ocean. I feel like everything that was left of him is gone. All that's left are the memories.

Tuesday (the 11th) night was a viewing, Wednesday was the funeral, Thursday was the temple stuff, and today was the ashes.

I seriously hurt my back from bowing so much. I wasn't joking when I was asking someone for lessons! I also bowed too slowly during the temple stuff. There were a couple of times where I was told to bow 13 times in a row, but the guy told me to stop after 6. I am so sick of smelling incense, and now whenever I go to a temple, I'm sure I'll be associating it with my dad's death.

At the viewing, people came to pay their respects. They would bow 3 times at the altar, and then once at me, and I would have to bow back. There were flowers everywhere. The smell of lilies just totally hit me when I first went into the funeral parlour. Then that scent was covered by all the incense. People were allowed to go to the back where my dad was. It took me a while to clue in that he was actually directly behind the altar. During this time, money (not currency in this world) was burnt for him.

I had to wear all white and a sash and a hood. While the funeral director put the sash and hood on me, I realised that I never thought that my first time in all white would be for my dad's funeral. Chinese associate white with death. Traditional wedding garb is red. For most of the viewing, there were... monks? I have no idea who they were, but they chanted the whole time, and it was actually quite loud. By the time I got home that night, I smelled of smoke, too. I also got burnt a few times by the incense. I wasn't sure if it was my dad's way of yelling at me or if that was a bad thing. My grandmother says her mom says it was the deceased way of telling them they were thinking of you (in a good way).

The next day was the funeral. There was more ceremonial stuff. Since I am the only daughter, a lot of the stuff I had to do was only privy to me. My cousins got to observe but no one else. I had to do more bowing in the back and I had to make sure all the things we wanted my dad to bring with him were in the casket. My dad looked really peaceful, but I was really sad knowing that he wasn't going to wake up ever again. Actually, it was harder having to identify his body before they prepped him for the funeral. I was really tempted to touch his hand, but I didn't do it. After everything was set, we prepared to go to the crematorium.

Everyone who was there laid a rose in his casket, and then I led the way when we went to the crematorium. I got to ride in the hearse, which was really a special van, with my cousins. When I got into the vehicle, I had to tell my dad to get in the car. When we arrived, we told him we were getting out. On the way to the crematorium, I had to hold my dad's photo. This was the one used at the altar. For most of the ride, I really felt the energy from it.

When we got to the crematorium, there was more ceremonial stuff, and I pressed the button to start the conveyer belt. We don't watch anything burn, but I think I just put my dad in the lineup. Watching his casket move into what looked like a big oven was sad, too. I felt like I was sending him to another death.

At this point, I removed the sash and the hood and that was tossed out. We went to the temple to do some more ceremonial stuff, and I was able to throw away my white clothes). Then we had to go eat. It's a custom for everyone who attended the funeral to join in this meal. There has to be 7 dishes and there cannot be any leftovers.

The next day was the temple stuff. It took about 4 hours. There was more chanting. Most of our time was spent folding paper gold and silver bullions. This is the time when people burn things for the deceased, but all these things are made of paper. Some people get really extravagant. My dad had 10 bags of gold and silver and a trunk full of stuff. He also got a house, modes of transportation, tonnes of clothes and food. The monks of whoever they were did their things and every onece in a while I had to bow at my dad's altar.

Towards the end, I had symbolically lead my dad over a couple of bridges to make it to the afterlife. Most of the time I had no idea what I was doing and I just followed orders. My aunts thought I looked kind of cute when I was confused. At times I tried not to laugh. After I led my dad (this was done by me holding onto these two small .. towers?? One of them represented him...not sure about the other ) over the bridges, I had to stand and just listen to the monks. I don't know what happened but it was really emotional for me and I just couldn't stop the tears.

After a short while, we were led to the big kiln where all his stuff was going to be burnt. Everything I was doing seemed almost new to everyone. But as each item was tossed into the fire, I had to yell for my dad to collect his things. I felt really self-conscious doing it because I was the only one yelling, and I couldn't be quiet. My voice doesn't carry well any way. And I didn't even know what I was saying half the time. Just imagine having to yell something in a foreign language :-p Everything burnt really quickly. (I got paper burns and a cut from all the paper folding, etc.) After the burning, we had to go eat. Normally this temple stuff isn't done so soon after a funeral, I think...But this meal, we had to eat 8 dishes. After that, we were done.

Today we took a boat out to this really picturesque spot to toss my dad's ashes into the ocean. I saw the bag of ashes, but I wasn't sure if that's what they were. I hope it wasn't a bad thing that I took a photo of them. When we go to the spot, we lit some incense, and I was led to the bow of the boat where my cousins and I were to sprinkle my dad's ashes into the ocean. His friend joined us too. Speaking of the friend...she is totally heartbroken and hasn't really stopped crying.

I was handed the bag of ashes and they told me to sprinkle them into the ocean. I wasn't sure if they wanted me to use my hand...thank goodness I just had to pour it. I thought the bag of ashes would be a lot bigger, and I certainly wasn't expecting the weight. Apparently, my dad had big bones, and his bag was bigger than the average bag. Who knew? After his ashes were all poured out, we threw the bag in the water. And we just watched it float away as the boat went back towards the shore.

That is all the funeral stuff in a nutshell. I did write Mr. Nick a fairly lengthy email about the viewing. I may copy and paste that later.

I am still sad, but I feel like my dad is resting in peace, which is what's important.

I'm now staying at my uncle's, and Internet access is even less. BWAHAHAA The computer is in his room, and I'm pretty much out all day and late into the evening. I can't exactly use his computer late at night. In a couple of days, I get to deal with getting my dad's death certificate and having it translated in China. Wish me luck.

I'll post later about the family drama, too. And I'll post about the shopping I am doing...it hasn't been much, but it's been somewhat productive. I may also forgo some shopping if I can come home early. Shopping just hasn't been as fun on this trip because I know I'm not here for a holiday.