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| I didn't ask for it |
| 06.20.08 (11:13 pm) [edit] |
|
First off, I looked at my dad's autopsy report. It was written in English! Even then it was almost hard to understand. Anyhow, my dad's cause of death was a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Anyway, I'm just glad I find out this information. But what is more on my mind is this cryptic email I got. It was from someone who was in my life a few (going on several) years ago. He was a close friend of mine until he got married. For the sake of his marriage, he ended our friendship. I was really angry. We'd been friends for about 8 years, and this is someone who told me that I'd have been in his wedding party if I was a dude. Anyway, after he told me stop blogging about what was going on, I started referring to him as He Who Must Not be Named. But that was over 3 years ago, and I moved on and kind of forgot about him. While I was checking my email today, I didn't even notice I got something from him until I read it and then looked at the sender. "Hmm, his name sounds very familiar...Oh *wait*...He Who Must Not be Named??" This is what the email said:
I'm not sure what to think of the email. What is he asking for? I don't think "gave up" would be the correct term for what he did. He ditched and abandoned a friendship is more like it. Has he been enlightened? Divorced? What?? Does he want to apologize?? And do I let bygones be bygones? What would be the right thing to do? |
posted by: PirateGirl (reply)
post date: 06.21.08 (7:19 am)
Hmm...that realy is vegue. He doesn't give you much to go on at all.
I agree with you - I mean, what are you supposed to say back??? Kinda weird. :/
posted by: wolfen (reply)
post date: 06.21.08 (8:32 am)
He's divorced. "I'm now in charge of my own happiness...something I never thought I was able to do before." He was probably brow-beaten by his former wife (hence the demand that he lose your friendship) and now that they're divorced (she left him I'm guessing) he wants you back as a friend. I would suggest proceeding with caution, but there's no reason you shouldn't at least say something like "Well I'm glad you understand why I wouldn't reply, so what have you got to say for yourself mister?"
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.21.08 (11:52 am)
Whatever he did, it was of his own free will. You don't need friends like that. And if that's the best he can do to apologize, I'd definitely ignore it.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 06.21.08 (1:06 pm)
Reply to: PirateGirl
I guess I will chew on the email for a bit. I wonder if he's been visiting my blog...doubtful but he knew I had this one!
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 06.21.08 (1:07 pm)
Reply to: wolfen
My first thought was that he got divorced. When I knew him his biggest fear was being alone...I wonder what happened. I think your suggestion is a great one! If I write back to him, it will be along those lines!
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 06.21.08 (1:08 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
Yeah, he was a horrible friend that way.
posted by: PirateGirl (reply)
post date: 06.22.08 (10:55 am)
Reply to: rosietulips
Hmmm...that could be....I agree that if you persue this any further, to proceed with caution.
posted by: twitchy67 (reply)
post date: 06.23.08 (10:19 am)
Well, everyone's jumping on what a horrible friend this guy was, and that's true...but in defence of the guy, it is possible that a jealous wife forced his hand. Any of us in a relationship know that there are things we have to do we don't necessarily want to in order to keep the relationship going. I can't say that I would dump a friend for a woman, but then again i've never been with a woman that asked me to do so...who knows. I would expect that a compromise on both parts would be necessary, and personally someone that jealous would make me question whether I wanted to be with them, but that's me, not him. When one thinks of marriage as a long term commitment, one has to pick their battles carefully; your wife is theoretically forever, and maybe in his mind he felt that he had to choose. It's bullshit and it's weak, but none of us were in the situation and to condemn the guy offhand is unfair to him and to rosie... Now he's reaching out with an olive branch, and although his choice of words is poor and seems overly vague and confusing, it doesn't mean his heart's not in the right place.
Having said all that I think it would be dangerous to jump right back into the same level of friendship you had originally; even if this wierdness hadn't happened, odds are that both of you are in different places now and may not be able to be the friends you were before.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 06.24.08 (10:06 pm)
Reply to: twitchy67
I don't really blame my friend for putting his marriage first even though it was a bad move friend-wise. I am ready to forgive, but I definitely wouldn't expect to pick up where we last left off.
posted by: ggirl (reply)
post date: 06.25.08 (12:30 pm)
The right thing to do is whatever feels right to you. My husband is not allowed to maintain contact with *some* of his "friends." However, I've always been completely fine with old girlfriends and I've even been friends with them myself. Some "friends" are looking for more. Clearly, you're not like that, but sometimes brides are insecure. I'm sure your friend did what he thought he had to do.
I agree that the relationship won't be the same, but it could be a new friendship. Only if you feel like it, though.
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 06.30.08 (9:04 am)
Reply to: ggirl
I'm still undecided about that old friend. On one hand, I'm over the past and harbour no hatred. On the other hand, we stopped being friends, and I don't know if there is a point to rekindle anything. I'm so used to people exiting my life that I just don't get nostalgic!
