For the last couple of months, my satisfaction with my relationship with Mr. Nick has been consistently dropping to the point where I am wondering if I want to stay with him.

Back in the winter, we started counseling. Before we went to Hong Kong, I reflected on our progress and realised that little progress was made. Things were going well when we first started, but I noticed him slipping back into old habits. I don't feel like a whole lot has improved since we started counseling. I am better at asking for what I need from him. But I don't feel he listens to me, and whenever I do bring up something I do not like, he gets defensive. Often, I feel that he doesn't listen to me because he is too busy looking for ways to disprove things I am saying.

One of my biggest beefs with him is that he doesn't keep his word. They can often be minor things, but every time he doesn't keep his word, it's a sign that he can't be trusted. We did a counseling exercise on my beef with this, and at the time, he seemed to understand that every time he doesn't keep his word, it contributes to me trusting him less. But when I brought that up again on the weekend, he thought long and hard for ways to show me that I do the same thing. His conclusion was that I didn't usually do that. So to me, that was just wasted time and effort to find something negative instead of focusing on moving forward in a positive way. (And anything negative that people do that remind me of my father, I think it strikes a chord with me. I always felt that my dad never kept his word.)

And doing my seminar, no doubt, is changing me. It's helped me tremendously into focusing on positive energy and going after what I want. I end up really noticing Mr. Nick's negative energy. I don't want him to bring me down. I could stick around and provide unconditional love to bring more positivity into his life, but honestly, why would I want to surround myself with that? Wouldn't it be better to surround myself with other like-minded individuals?

I'm also noticing patterns. My mentor says there are no coincidences in life. In the last while, every meaningful event that has come up or will be coming up, Mr. Nick has been unavailable. I'm hosting a presentation tonight. At first he said he'd come, but then he got mad with me when he said he might be going out for his sister's birthday. He got all defensive because he thought I was getting mad at him for making him miss his sister's potential dinner. So he said he'd go to last week's, but he chose to go his parents for dinner instead. What I was mad at was that he said he'd go but didn't tell me his plans had changed.

When I went condo shopping, he was away skiing. I didn't purposely exclude him from this big part of my life, but he wanted to go skiing that weekend, and I wanted to check out the new condo development. It all happened very fast. I put in my offer before the following weekend while he was at work.

And now I plan on getting moved by the end of June, quite shortly after the closing date in case I need to be out of my place by July 1, but he will be off doing a Ride for Cancer fundraiser and will be out of town that weekend.

So lately I have been looking for signs why I should stay with Mr. Nick. I don't feel happy when I see him. I feel love for him, and we do care about each other. I just really don't know if we are working out in terms of being life mates. I don't want to be with someone who is happy with reacting to events in life. I want someone who is excited about new adventures and goes out to seek them. On the outside, we're a great couple. We have fun, we have the same values, and we do want the same things in life. We could have a great future together, but I feel like there are things about him that I would just have to accept. And I'm not sure if they are acceptable.

I just wish a sign would fall in my lap.