I just went to the bathroom to pee. It's usually no big deal, but I ended up crying! Bathrooms are a great place to think. I started thinking about my upcoming move, and how Mr. Nick won't be around for pretty much any of it. It's not a big deal that he's not help me with the moving part, but it's the part about him not being around as I move into a new home. He's doing a bike trip fundraiser one weekend and then he's planning on leaving for England pretty soon after that. Him going away doesn't bother me either.

But I started reflecting on my last move and how my dad was alive then. He helped me with a few things after I moved in, like putting in shelves, but he didn't help out otherwise. In fact, he had said he would help while I was moving but ultimately didn't. I ended up moving a 100 pound cabinet by myself. My father disappointed me a lot. If he said he was going to do something, I could pretty much count on the opposite.

And I have come to expect the same of Mr. Nick. I often feel like I cannot depend on him because he has often said he will do things and not. But this whole moving thing and realizing that he won't be here for it really reminded me of a time with my dad and my relationship with him. It's extremely upsetting to me.

I guess I finally experienced the tears that come from nowhere that my friends have said I would experience. Wow. 

Again, I am enlightened. But that doesn't really help me figure out anything else. BWAAHAHAHA

I never talked about my relationship with my dad in counseling, and how it might possibly affect my relationship with Mr. Nick. Is this something I should bring up? We're having our last session with her tomorrow.