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| January |
| 07.07.04 (5:10 pm) [edit] |
|
So...last night when I was lying in bed, I felt wide awake. After a bit of tossing and turning, I got out of bed and went to my computer. It's very rare for me to be that unable to fall asleep. I wrote an email to Wayne expressing all the stuff I was grappling with. I think it was one of the best emails I've ever written :D (in terms of expressing my feelings in a most positive way possible) In a nutshell, I told him: -Waiting 'til next spring to meet up was too long for me, and that I couldn't/wouldn't. -His choice was selfish and unfair for me. -I would not have done the same thing to him. -It'd be unfortunate if things went nowhere, but that's life. And I concluded that I hoped I didn't sound unreasonable and that maybe I was expecting too much. So, after he read this email, he felt more horrible than he did already, I think. He said everything was all his fault and that he didn't want to ruin what we had/have. He didn't think he could make it up to me. I'm not sure he could, either. But he suggested January. And then it just went from there. We have tentative plans for me to visit him in January. It's a little far for me to get planning. I might be going to Hong Kong then. I now have some reservations about him and me, but I think I am still getting past this whole diving/visiting thing. I see it as a glitch and that if we can get past it, it'd be a victory of some sort. I feel a little manipulative around today's events. In a way, I let him see the light, but it was my light. I think someone told me it's better to let guys think they're the smart ones. But had I outright said to Wayne, "this mess is all your fault" and "a visit has to happen in January and not March/April" things may have turned out differently. And when I get a chance, I am going to ask him if he got me anything in Turkey. I'm not usually the type to do that, but he said he was going to get me something. And to top it off, he asked me to get him something when I was in Vegas. Asking people for gifts is not my thing at all. |
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (7:27 pm)
Telling someone straight up how you feel isnt manipulative. It is merely giving them information to work with. Ok...there is a fine line there between genuine tears and crocodile tears but I think most people know the difference within themselves.
I am with you about asking for gifts. I dont like to do that either but sometimes I need one because gifts for me mean love. I am pretty up front about that whenever I ask for a gift (which is rare). It just say that I really want a gift but what I *really* want is love so the "gift" can be a wild flower picked at the side of the road as long as there is some emotion connected to it.
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