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| Highs and lows of the weekend |
| 09.27.04 (2:45 pm) [edit] |
|
The most obvious high was the wedding, of course! Although it was the focus of the weekend, other things went on, too :) Highs + hot tubbing + getting in some oral fixation activities + getting sleep Lows - bugs in the room - left my digicam battery charger behind somewhere (hopefully it is with Tara's stuff) - groom's buddy did not seem to take notice of me hitting on him *L*!! And there were two big lows - one for the bride and one for the groom...The best man left at 7 in the morning the day after the wedding, didn't say good-bye, and left his tux in a pile for someone to take care of :shock: The other low had to do with our dear friend Paula, of all people. All weekend long, she kept saying how hot the groom's cousin was and was lusting over him. I tried to discourage her since he was about 6 years younger than him. She got really drunk (and he got really drunk). They ended up getting it on, but I guess he ended up pushing her beyond the point of what she wanted. She ended up in tears calling it rape. I'm not sure exactly what it was since I wasn't there, but he thought it was consensual. (And to top it off, they got walked in on.) Now he feels horrible. And she feels cheap and humiliated. But at the same time, she is putting all the blame on him. I'm not sure what to think of this aside from ... what was she thinking, pulling that kind of stunt at our dear friend's wedding? The thing is...if he had been a considerate lover, I don't think she would have been as upset. Her words were "he just put a condom on, and stuck it in me. He didn't even use foreplay! I told him it hurt!" The last thing I want to do is put blame on someone who feels violated, but I think both parties had a role. Now she just regrets everything. I know how she feels. I am also surprised that people who have only heard things from the guy's side have not been as open minded. "Well, did she push him off? If she didn't want it, why didn't she closer her legs/use more force? She was all over him!" Even Paula said, "well, if I didn't want it, I could have shoved him away." So I dunno. I hope she moves beyond it all because it's becoming more difficult for me to deal with her anger. She's mostly angry at herself ("I've never had a one night stand before. I'm not like that! I feel so cheap!"), and I am finding it tough to find reassuring words when I just want to say "get over it. It happened. You're never going to see the guy again. You both had too much alcohol, and the situation got weird." Maybe I am not sounding like such a good friend, but I do know how she feels. And I think she should move on instead of focusing on what she did. When I was 16, I went on a cruise with my family. This cabin steward chatted me up, and asked me if I wanted to meet him in a cabin later on to talk. Naive me, I said, "sure," and I met up with him later. He had me sit on his lap, and we kissed. And then he said, "so you've never had sex before?" He didn't have any condoms either. At this point, I said, "I should get going." And I did. But afterwards, I was really angry with myself, thinking how I could be so dumb. And even then, I felt violated and had a good cry. Then I got mad at the cabin steward for preying on me. I didn't tell anyone what happened although I told some friends after I got home. |
posted by: Ryan (reply)
post date: 09.28.04 (10:39 am)
I think giving advice to your friends doesn't mean sacrificing your beliefs. Of course you should be sensitive and understanding, but without being untrue to yourself in the process... :P
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