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| It's final |
| 09.27.04 (11:29 pm) [edit] |
|
I am not going to visit Wayne in January (or ever). I have no reason to meet him anymore. He had a date that obviously went very well. Him dating is not a problem. In fact, I encouraged him because hey really...it is not the brightest thing to hold out for someone on the Internet that is thousands of miles away. If you find someone local, it just makes sense to explore things there. What bothered me most was that he knew I was thinking about whether I wanted to visit or not. And he said he was going to make it his mission to convince me to visit. I do think by him dating jeopardised what any little chance we had left. It just seemed like he couldn't put his dating life on hold for a few more months. I guess I am angry that just a couple of weeks ago, he was really into me. And that he had already, what i feel, screwed things up for us when he decided to go to Turkey instead of visiting me in what would have been next month. Man, I need to trust my friends more often. They told me to forget about him the moment he decided to go to Turkey. Ugh. But at least now I don't have to stress over it. Yes, I am disappointed, and yes, I am sad and hurt. But I will get over this...I always get over things quickly. Sometimes I wonder if that is a bad thing. And I think karma has come to bite me on the bum. I have been dating and sleeping with others over the last several months, and did not tell Wayne about it (or I would but make it not seem like anything). With those guys, I did not let myself get attached to them. I worried that I might really like them since I figured Wayne was in the picture. So yes, I'm a walking contradiction. I dislike myself for that. (Well, not myself...I dislike being one!) |
posted by: kurtmaddox (reply)
post date: 09.29.04 (3:29 am)
i've been there many times -- with the contridiction thing -- forgive yourself but don't forget the feeling your lack of integrity brings to your heart -- karma often bites one "on the bum" ;-)
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 09.29.04 (12:50 pm)
Reply to: kurtmaddox
I don't like lacking integrity! *sobs*
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