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| Why do people say Jesus H. Christ? |
| 03.16.05 (10:17 pm) [edit] |
|
What does the H stand for? Anyway, yesterday I was thinking it was a pleasant time with my father. Perhaps it was. But then I talked to my mom tonight, and it turns out my dad was complaining about me to my aunt. :shock: I guess now that my parents are separated, my dad needs someone new to focus on...and it is me (since he has no real friends and doesn't stay close with his family). Now he will think of all the things I've done to wrong him and let it fester, and he'll get all angry. He will keep a mental list, and every chance he gets, he will go through each item in the same order every time. I think his inability to let go of anger is a major obstacle to overcoming his depression. Once again, the chauffering thing came up; he told my aunt that I chose not to drive him to the airport one night in December 2004. However, he has forgotten that it was a morning flight for him, and I told him that it was too early for me to drive him. At that time, he tried to bargain with me. Well, how about 8 am instead of 7 am? He felt that *I* should have been the one to drive because *I'm* his daughter. Well, perhaps. But: 1. It was too early for me as I knew I was going to have a very long day and night. 2. I was not the only person alive that could have driven him to the airport. 3. He's done the same thing to me, but he did it last minute. 4. A cab ride would have cost $15. Or like he says, "the bus is cheap." I guess he saw her within this week because he complained that I said nothing of the letter he gave me. What I hate about my father is that he expects everyone around him to drop everything, put their lives on hold to accomodate him. He gave me the letter a week ago. Did he want a response the next day? What did he expect? What did he want me to say to him? Oh, I know. "Sorry, dad. Everything you said in the letter was right. I'm a horrible daughter. Please forgive me." :roll: Right. My first reaction to his letter was anger because it was just a reiteration of stuff he's already told me. [b]The letter[/b] Here is what he wrote to me. This will be my second time reading it. I will leave the grammatical errors alone. Dear Rosie, I had a lot of hesitation before I made up my mind writing you this letter. You are a very impatient perrson and acted very agitated when you talk to your parents. I have been very patient in dealing with this action of yours. But you never seem to change your attitude towards your parents. So I figure that I better write you instead. I don't care how you think about your parents, but I have always got the impression that you never regard yourself part of our Tulips family. You had already indicated to us long time ago your parents' matter is their own affair and you never want to be bother. You are right in certain sense in saying that. But have you ever as our daught to act as a middle person to have us solving our problems? Is it what a child should do where there's problem developing in her parents' marriage? You just don't care! All you care is for us not to give you any problems. I am not asking you to take sides. As a matter of fact, I prefer you to be closer to your mom as she's so dependant on tohers. I may be wrong to be a husband and she may be wrong to be a good wife, but she still is your mother. She did give you a lot of her attention. As for myself, I don't really what others think of me. I am me and I am the only one to know if I am right or wrong. I do regret thtat I was kind of neglected when you were a child. But it's too late to regret now and I have always been trying my best to make up for it physically, mentally & financially. But you criticized me for trying to make it up to you by using money. I got very upset about it. I just want you think back carefully for all this year since you are in highschool. I had been trying to make you happy & satisfy you in anyway I could. I had also given a lot of patience, care, understanding and my love. I might not have spoken a lot about this, but it's always inside me. I can remember the time when I backed you up when your mom refused you in so many things like your private phone line your early driving lessons and other things that your mom had objected to. Did you ever to take a bus to school or doing part-time jobs to support your education like other teens? I had been your drive lots of time before when you needed and what about the cell phone that we forced on you to carry even when it was not that popular then? Why? It's because I love you and care for you! I worry about your especially when you are out there all by yourself. You still call this money welding make up something that I had not done before?? When you need anything like shelvings, decorations in your previous bedroom, who did step in for you? What you move, who have helped you to move things & others? Who had given you advices so that you wouldn't be cheated by other people! I saved up most of your toys & work for you sine you were young. Why? Because I love you and concern for you. I know you may miss some of your things when you grow older. That's why I took all the effort to save them up for you. I complained to you that you didn't take me to the airport because you have to go to bed early to be prepared for the evening next day. That really hurt me a lot. It's not the money I had to spend for the taxi. It's the lack of concern you had for your old man. You challenged me that i did not take you to the bus depot & ask you take a taxi and not paying you back. [u]I am your father[/u]. You should be doing me a favour to show a little appreciation towards all the deed I thought I have for you. What I am doing for you is only a favour for a grown up child. I am not demanding pay back from you. I am supposed to do all these for me because you are my child. There are lots of people out there caring for you & concerning for you. Don't you think you should show some appreciation for everything others had done you. It is life! It is just being human! Being thankful is a very important virtue towards a good life. You will be rewarded some day, good or bad eventually depending on how you perform. I am not asking you for any favour or any return. You may even think what I'm saying is a bunch of shits! You don't have to listen or believe. But I am sure you will eventually know that whether I was right or wrong. You may even see through you own stubborness and misunderstanding one day and then you will understand. I have gone through a major length of my life span. I have gone my part to my child and tried to have a good family. But I don't think I have done a good job. As a result, I am still very unhappy and uncertain about my future & my final years of my life. But I don't care. If the worse has to come, it will come. No one can stop it from coming. I only want to go with a peaceful heart and mind. You don't have to feel sorry for me. I deserve what I'll be getting. Just remember, find out who is truthful and concern for you. Look & observe closely and don't trust people so easily. There are lots of evil in this world. So be very careful and look after yousrelf. You may not believe in your parents, but you have to believe in your sensable and sound judgement if you want to survive in this terrible world. That's all I want to say. I hope you have read through my letter up to this part. Thank you for finishing it instead of throwing it away. Loving you always Your Old Dad :( |
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