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| Exes Part 3 |
| 04.10.05 (1:20 am) [edit] |
|
"The Handyman" He and I were chatting on Friday, and he was suggesting he come by my place in the evening. It's probably a good thing all-round that he did not. This guy is engaged. He and I did date at one point, but then we stopped calling each other. No hard feelings. Turns out he's an aquaintance of a mutual friend, and we saw each other at a barbecue a couple of summers ago. A few months ago, he stopped by my place early in the morning. We made out a little, and he felt so guilty that right then and there, he said it would never happen again. He said he loved his fiancee too much to risk anything. He said he'd still come by to help me out with my place, but that would be it. I was fine with that. I'm not really that attracted to this guy, anyway. He's a warm body. So *shrugs* I thought that'd be that. So Friday...he's chatting me up. He's *back* to the school of thought that if we're not having intercourse, then it's okay to mess around. I reminded him of what he said the last time we saw each other and how guilty he felt. He remembers all that, and I guess he remembers me to a point because he still thinks about our last encounter. I kind of scratch my head at this. Do guys and women cheat for different reasons? Guys *can* be monogamous, right? The more guys I meet, the more I wonder. So many guys claim to love their significant others, but then there's always the "oh, but I so attracted to so-and-so. I can't help myself!" Are such feelings really that hard to control? I think women cheat when they're not really satisfied with who they have, and opportunities arise. Of course I just made some sweeping generalisations. I realise that there are exceptions. But Handyman is the 3rd (well, 4th almost) guy I've personally encountered who've claimed to love their girlfriends so much but still fool around (or want to) with me. Are they missing something from their relationships or do they just want their cake and eat it too? |
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 04.10.05 (4:31 am)
I dont know. I have only cheated on a boyfriend twice. The first time, everything was fine in my relationship and I was really in love. So why did I risk it? Because the other man was a old flame and I loved him too. maybe I just needed to make sure I was with the right guy. Sometimes I think that men are more afraid than women that they are not with the right person. Plus, I think that in some ways it is easier to cheat than not to cheat. There is a power thing involved too. In a lot of relationships men hold the economic power so cheating is less of a risk for them. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study about that. I wonder if men with stay at home wives cheat more than men who have working wives. hmmmm?
posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 04.11.05 (9:47 am)
I don't know how to ask this in a comment so that it doesn't sound mean, other than to say that I really don't mean it that way, but why are you "spending time" with these guys? If you are going to ask why a man cheats on a girlfriend, fiance or wife, why not ask first why a woman dates a "taken" man?
I think that when anyone cheats they have serious personal issues and should get help. Been there, done that.
posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 04.11.05 (9:49 am)
Reply to: lynne
There was actually a poll done and reported in the media a few months ago. Even young college-age men preferred women who did not make more than them. The researchers surmised that men preferred women to depend on them economically so that they are less likely to be interested in straying. Every man I've talked to denies this vehemenantly...but SOMEbody was answering that survey!
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 04.11.05 (11:29 am)
Reply to: altricial
I didn't take the question in a mean way...it's an honest one, though *L* I have spent time with taken men because I have no romantic interest in them. I have told myself no more taken men many times, but I just get mad that *I* have to be the one to lead the guys on a correct path. I don't invite them to come into my life, but I am not rejecting them either.
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