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| Super bladder |
| 05.28.05 (7:14 am) [edit] |
|
Too bad the bladder is not a muscle that I can strengthen. Since yesterday I feel like my bladder's been perpetually full. But I think it's my fault. A couple of weeks ago, I signed up for a MINI test drive, and unfortunately I booked it at a time that's really close to my boot camp workout appointment. Hopefully I can change that appointment because I can't change my test drive time. MINI is having some test drive event out where they have Indy. I'd really like to give this a whirl! I was really moody yesterday, and I'm not really sure why. It's a little early for PMS, but you know, the time is near :lol: I think some of it was attributed to me and the J Man. I think things are still good. We like each other, and the chemistry is there, but there is this but. I don't know if it's from the talks we've had or what, but something isn't sitting right with me. It's like there's this unsettled feeling. Maybe there haven't been resolutions? Maybe I am reacting to the way he's reacting. I have no idea. Or maybe I am just freaking out as usual. I am still reminding myself to relax and not to head for the hills. My head tells me things are right; my gut can't put its finger on it. Or maybe I am just going crazy when I don't see him, and then I start thinking too much. Yesterday I felt his words to me were thorny, but it's hard to tell for sure through IM. He made some dig when I told him I was going to go grocery shopping. "Going to call your mom?" Ever since we had that first talk, I've been totally watching everything I say. I know he said he didn't want me to change, but I am constantly worried about saying something to offend him. Maybe I am harbouring resentment about that because I'm doing my best to be more sensitive, and here he is freely taking pokes. Can he take what he dishes? Am I really going to have to more...I dunno...worldy? Am I going to have to "give in" first more often? I've always been so stubborn. *sigh* Then I felt kind of weird again yesterday when I was about get off work. I had asked the J Man about his new year's resolutions, and he was "they're secret." I'm not sure if I was mad or hurt to hear that. On one hand, I'd like if he was able to tell me anything, but on the other hand, I expect him to keep some things to himself. But to have him explicity say they're secret just didn't sit well with me. It was like he was rubbing it in my face. He disagreed with me when I said it would have been better to just say he didn't have any. He gave me a couple of unimpressed smiley looks and "hmm"s, and when I asked him "what", he said "nothing." I asked him again, and then let it go. I'm the kind of person who thinks someone will tell me what they want when they are ready, so I don't push. Sometimes I feel he tries to react, out of spite, how I have, and I really don't like it. The last night I stayed over at his place, I almost left around 3 in the morning. Usually he's really affectionate, but that night he was really cold [in reaction to my unresponsiveness]. His coldness was really bothering me, but in usual Rosie fashion, I didn't say anything right away [what is with guys who want me to speak up right away?? :P] I know at one point, the "what's wrong" question was asked of me, and I said, "nothing." My nothings can mean "nothing" or "nothing that I want to share right now." But we did talk. Sometimes I get the feeling that after we have a talk, we don't really completely let go of what brought on the talk in the first place. Well, this was a long babbling post. I still haven't collected my thoughts together in a way that I can talk to the J Man about it. I just hope I am not all tense when I see him today. I want that old feeling of being myself around him again instead of feeling like a basketcase :lol: |
posted by: jennjr (reply)
post date: 05.28.05 (7:45 am)
I say go with your gut. If something's not sitting right with you, you probably already know (at least on some level) what it is. In my past experiences, Listening to my head over my gut instincts will just cause me to second guess myself or to find a way to rationalize a situation I would otherwise be unahppy with. (I've found this to be true across the board, not just in relationships). On the other hand, though, I've found that there's good and bad with every relationship, and if the good outweighs the bad, then you're fine.
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