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| The weekend |
| 02.08.04 (10:08 pm) [edit] |
|
For the first time in a very, very long time, I was in bed early last night. Usually on weekdays, I go to sleep around 12:30. Last night I was in my PJs and in bed around 8:30 and asleep after 10:30. I was just exhausted. I had a bit of a late night the night before and an early morning. So this morning, I woke up at 8. I did SFA today...After I woke up, lazed in bed, ate a bit of breakfast, watched TV in bed, sat at the computer, and then went to the gym. Then it was shower, dinner, return some phone calls, and come online. Tonight I called two restaurants see if they had any reservations available for this coming Saturday. Of course not. And then I talked to Tara for a bit. That was when I decided I'd not make any more effort in trying to do something nice for Valentine's Day. Although I asked J if he wanted to do something for Valentine's Day, he was the one who suggested dinner. But he's put in no effort to planning. [Here comes my J rant. I can just hear people saying..."what are you doing, Rosie?" So you can stop here if you think I need a smacking...:lol: I tried to hold back, but all this verbal diarrhea is hitting now!!] In fact, the only time he's ever planned anything is the first time we met up for coffee...almost a year ago. I am so frustrated with him. I don't know if he's just too lazy to put any effort into having any kind of relationship with me (friendship or otherwise) or if he doesn't care. I keep thinking he doesn't like to do anything that requires leaving the house, and he knows we don't do anything in public [as I call it]. The only time he's attentive seems like when it's convenient for him. Well, I don't want any more of this non-2-sided whatever-you-call-it. If he can't make any effort to make me some sort of priority, then that's just not fair to me. Why am I putting up with it? Well, my expectations are so low, I definitely don't expect things to start going the way I'd like to see them. I don't want more talks, expressing what I'd like to see happen. At the moment, I'm kind of just settling for some action until someone else comes along...and my conscience will get the better of me with this kind of behaviour very soon. Sometimes I get hopeful, and then something probably little brings me down. |
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 02.09.04 (6:41 am)
FWIW, my opinion is that you deserve someone who pays attention to you. If you have tried to tell him how you feel, you have done all you can. Good luck!
posted by: mblog (reply)
post date: 02.09.04 (9:04 am)
You need to figure out if it's because he doesn't see you as worthwhile, or if that's just his style. It makes a big difference. If the latter is true, you may not like it either. But it may still be that he has strong and sincere feelings toward you, but is just not aggressive when it comes to planning.
If he spent his life making other women "priorities," then you have a point. But if he's just not good at planning, then it makes sense to try a few things before you give up.
Be direct. If he suggests dinner, tell him fine. Tell him to let you know what he has in mind, and to pick a place and make the arrangements. If he asks you what you want to do or where you want to go, take it in the spirit that he really cares what you think rather than he does not want to plan. Or give him a general idea and tell him to make plans based on that. Tell him that you're fine with a number of things, but it's important to you to see that he take the initiative, so you want him to plan.
If it's just a matter of his personality, you may or may not be able to live with it. But it makes sense to figure out what the problem is and try to resolve it before writing things off. When you do meet the right guy and decide to get married, you will find other problems at some point. It's being able to work out the tough things that will keep your life together later.
posted by: irishred (reply)
post date: 02.09.04 (9:47 am)
I didn't know we were supposed to pay attention! See, had I known that I may have been married by now! Thanks Rosie!!!!
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 02.09.04 (10:25 am)
Reply to: lynne
I think my self-esteem will take a nosedive if I stay in my situation with J *L* Time to start the weening off process!!
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 02.09.04 (10:38 am)
Reply to: mblog
I have been preparing myself write things off with this guy for a while (but it's also my nature to flee early). My impression with him was that he was not very clued into women and relationships.
As for the planning thing...he just doesn't nor does he suggest. Usually if he asks to get together, it's last minute and it's for me to hang out at his place (but even then he can't ask directly...what is up with that?!)
What initially attracted me to him was his intellect and the good conversations we had. Even those are few and far between now. The more I got to know him better, it just seemed we were rather different. I know there'd be lots of challenges in the long-run. For a while, I felt that I would welcome such challenges, but now. I don't know. The situation is more like we're bed buddies, and he doesn't quite satisfy me that way, either!!
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 02.09.04 (10:39 am)
Reply to: irishred
But you *do* pay attention!! Stop playing around!! And sing me a song!!
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